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At the end, he stares at me for a beat and then smacks me upside the head.
“What the hell?”
“So, you had a girl that you obviously care a lot for, and who likes you back, and you left because of some plan?
I cross my arms over my chest, knowing that he’s about to tell me that I’m the biggest idiot that he knows.
“Plans change, Spencer. You can’t plan everything. You think I planned to fall in love with Bristle?”
I look over to where his wife is making dinner in the kitchen.
“I didn’t, because you can’t plan that. It just happened and I thank god every single day that it did. If you feel a fraction of what I feel for Bristle, for Emmy Lou, then you need to go back and make things right.”
With that, he stands and heads over to help his wife. He wraps his arms around her waist and she smiles. Things seem so easy between them and it reminds me of how things were with Emmy Lou and I.
That was two days ago.
I’ve come to realize that Wild was right. My plan of sneaking out might have been easier for me to deal with than my terrifying feelings, but it was ultimately cowardly. I’m ashamed of my actions, or lack thereof. That’s not who I am. That’s not what eight years in the military taught me.
Meeting her changed my plans, so what? Why was it so important for me to travel the country and gather up new experiences when the only thing I truly want to experience is life with Emmy Lou?
I’ve been driving all night to make it back to her and I just made it to the next state over. I should be able to make it back to Sunny Bend in time to catch her after closing tomorrow night.
I just stopped for gas and something to eat and I know that I should get a motel room for the night. I’m exhausted but I’d rather get back to Emmy Lou then waste time sleeping.
I thought that I wanted freedom, that constantly moving and being alone would make me happy, but I’m realizing that I was wrong.
I was trying to protect myself. I thought that by pushing people away, they would never be able to hurt me, but Emmy Lou made it past my defenses.
Part of me knows that Emmy Lou would never just leave me, which means that I don’t need to be alone to be happy. I just need Emmy Lou.
God, I’m such an idiot.
I’m in love with Emmy Lou and instead of holding onto her and being thankful that I found someone who wants me and loves me, I acted like a scared little boy and pushed her away.
I need Emmy Lou. She makes me see the good in other people, in the world.
I don’t want freedom. Not if it means that I lose Emmy Lou in the process.
I’m exhausted and I know that it will take me another eighteen hours to make it back to Sunny Bend, but that doesn’t deter me from climbing back behind the wheel and heading back toward town and my girl.
I just hope that it’s not too late for me to make things right with my girl.
I spend the whole drive back to Sunny Bend trying to come up with a plan. I’m going to have to grovel, to apologize and try to win her back but when I pull up outside of the Book Addicts Bookstore, I still don’t have anything figured out.
I fucked up. I fucked up bad.
She’s starting to close up when I walk inside. I try to show her how apologetic that I am as I approach her but she just glares at me. I can see the anger and hurt swirling in her eyes and I know that I deserve her wrath.
“Hey,” I try and she just folds her arms over her chest.
Her eyes are a little swollen and red rimmed and I know that she’s been crying. Dammit. It’s the same brokenhearted, vulnerable look she had the last time I saw her, but there’s more than a little anger there as well. That’s alright. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make her trust me, make her love me. I swallow hard and take a step closer to her.
“I’m sorry.”
“Not good enough,” she snaps and I nod.
I know that she’s right.
