Page 25 of Jerk Neighbor


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Priscilla: Prince Charmless invited you to a ball.

Paula: More or less

Jennifer: It’s Ryan the Dingbat isn’t it?

Priscilla: OMFG It’s Ryan! Don’t do it, Paula. He’s not worth it. Stand strong.

Paula: No, it is not that idiot. I told you, it’s the neighbor. Here in Leo’s building.

Priscilla: Tell us everything about this guy.

Paula: Truly people. It’s a non-issue. Nothing is going on. It’s just a date. Not even a date. A subdate. Less than a date. Forget I said ball, I was just being cute. It’s just a party.

Jennifer: Aha! Obvious deflection! She’s babble protesting. She didn’t even send us his specs in case he turns out to be a sociopath.

Priscilla: OMG she loves him

Jennifer: She’s in love!!!!!

Paula: Listen wenches. Don’t make me regret sharing.

Paula: Hello?

Paula: Oh, no, do not do what you’re thinking of doing.

Priscilla: *looks over shoulder* Who, me?

Jennifer: Please. Just because you’re suddenly going to a fancy place with a mysterious oddly hostile man when you’ve never canceled on us before for any guy. That’s not interesting. Who would even care? YAWN. So bored.

Paula: You’re texting my family right now, aren’t you? Oh you guys are brutal. I told you in good faith.

Priscilla: Sh. Talking to your mom right now. She wants to know what your hair plans are. She knows a stylist.

Jennifer: Your brother Calvin says hey. He says what mountain bike trails has this guy ridden on, something about testing his mettle on Abejas Montaña in Costa Rica.

Paula: A pox upon you both!

HAVING BEEN APPRISED OF CURRENT EVENTSby her disloyal friends, Paula’s family called to razz her about her date. Paula downplayed it, giving them only the bare, basic facts.

Mistake. She should have treated it like any other date.

Escalation ensued, and by the time she hung up, it was too late; they were hearing wedding bells and (on her brother’s part) congratulating her on finding a man she liked more than cookies.

As she was undoing her bun, a message came up on her phone from Bastian. He was moving lunch forward in order to give her time to shop for a suitable dress.

Forget the dress! She had hair decisions to make.

She could get herself looking amazing if she had the time. She nibbled her lip. Really, there was no point bothering.This was not a real date.

In the end, she went with her usual loose hairstyle, which was cute enough, and focused on finding the perfect outfit.

She had mixed feelings about the clothes she kept stashed at the back of her closet. There were work duds that reminded her of her high-pressure former life. And the fun ensembles, bought in the expectation of going out. These hardly got used since she scorned clubbing, parties and concerts these days over more casual entertainments.

Her evening wear was too sexy for Christmas.

Her bright and silly Christmas outfits were hardly on the sophisticated side and meant for the eyes of family and friends only.

She went back through the work clothes, pausing on a dark blue dress.

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