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25
Zanika
I spentthe night on the riverbank, tucked under some bushes. I couldn’t face going back to my old chamber, and I knew the pain would be too much to avoid weeping in front of the other girls. I just got excited about the prospect of finally having a connection with a man who also feels that. A man who loves me and wants to take care of me. But all of that is gone now. I am back in a hell of servitude to a cruel master. I don’t know if I can go on like this.
I have not been able to sleep at all with a mountain of agonizing thoughts stuffing up my mind. I don’t know what happened to Neb, but the only reason I am still here is to find out. I need to know if he is okay. Maybe if he was simply sent back to his home planet, I could find a way to move on—maybe. If he’s dead, I don’t know how I can possibly continue living. His death would be my fault. If I had never fed his urges, enticed him to me, he would have never done the things he did. It was clear to me that the new Anubis was disgusted by his actions. I have to imagine that that was the reason he was removed from his position.
I rise up out of the shrubs with great effort. I feel like gravity is heavier than before. Simply exerting the energy to carry myself forward feels like I am pushing a giant boulder up a steep hill. I feel I am completely broken, thrown into a nightmare I thought I had escaped. Once again, I have no one in this world. Before, I was okay with that, but having tasted what a genuine connection with someone can feel like, I crave to have it back. I can’t imagine eating, drinking, laughing ever again without my Neb by my side.
Logically, I can tell that I am being dramatic; it’s not like I have been condemned to death, but the pain I feel is more intense than anything I could have ever imagined. I have suffered some tortures in my life, but this beats them all. The worst part is—some evil, twisted voice in my mind keeps on telling me that he left me on purpose. He left me just like my father and brother did. I can’t shut up the clawing little thought in the back of my mind, forcing me to believe that this is exactly what happened. It’s calling me a stupid little girl who got fucked and chucked by a member of a superior race from the stars.
He just pretended to like you—love you—to get what he wanted. You saw how ravenous he was for your body; he would have said anything to have it. He manipulated you and told you the things you wanted to hear. Maybe he could even read your mind. You have no idea what technologies they possess, in fact, everything you know about the Dhaarrir, he told you. Maybe all of this was just a massive lie to use you. He could have never loved you like you wanted him to. You are just a lowly human slave who could never be loved by anyone, let alone a man like him. What a stupid, naive girl you are for falling for such a trick.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut thefuckup!
All these thoughts in my head are exhausting. The uncertainty of everything is making me lose my mind. I need to find out what happened. Maybe there is a chance that he might come back. I feel that if I could just see him, feel him for a moment, I could go on.
I know that this might be the biggest mistake of my life, but I need to go and ask the new Anubis what happened to Neb. He might kill me where I stand, but that’s just a risk I will have to take. At the moment, I feel that there are worse things than death.
To my shock,I see that all the girls have been brought out into the courtyard. Some of them are barely dressed and clearly have been dragged out of bed, hair messed up, eyes groggy. I catch the eye of one of the many cult members forcing the women into lines and he rushes toward me. I just put my hands up in the air and fall to my knees, hoping he won’t hurt me. He stops right before me and grabs me by the hair. I scream as he drags me along the ground, my skin scraping across the tiles and dirt, into the formation. He lifts me up by the throat so that I am on my feet and says, “Stand there, slave.”
I do as I’m told and stand on the edge of the formation. All the girls are looking around, confused and scared. I feel numb to it all by now. I knew that nothing good was going to come of Neb leaving.
A cult member, the largest of them all, paces in front of us, whip in hand, and roars out commands in our faces. He says that everything is going to change from here on out. Lord Anubis is unhappy with our work, and he is implementing a stricter regime. We have, apparently, abused our freedom, and now we will be putting this place back into shape.
He starts roughly grabbing girls and assigning them to certain duties. Kitchen, laundry, dinner service… When it comes to my turn, he takes me by the arm and says, “Floors.” I am given a bucket and a sponge and pushed toward the river. I turn and say, “I was hoping to see Lord Anu—” I feel the familiar sting of a hard slap in my face. The force brings tears to my eyes as I cower from this giant’s hand.
“You speak when spoken to, slave. Floors!”
I thought this part of my life was over, and now it’s as bad as ever. I turn my gaze back to him, taste the blood rolling down my lip, and feel the burning heat rising to the surface of my cheek. I look at him with pure hatred and turn toward the riverbank.
* * *
I can’t quite believeI got through the day. I knew if I stopped scrubbing the floors for even a moment, I would be beaten mercilessly, or maybe whipped. I saw one of the girls being kicked and punched, while cowering on the ground in a fetal position, by a group of the cult members earlier, and while my heart ached for her, I knew intervening would only result in a beating of my own.
My heart is still consumed by Neb, and I am waiting patiently for my chance to beg the new Anubis for some clarity. I have only seen him a couple of times from afar and have not been able to get to him. I have saved the floors of the main hall for last in the hope that he might walk by me on his way to his chamber.
The moment arrives just as the sun is setting and I am scrubbing the far corner of the great hall. I see that familiar but so unfamiliar face and body entering the palace. He strides through the halls alone, chin up proudly. It occurs to me that he is a little smaller than my Anubis and not quite as muscular. His skin also has more of a grayish tone to it. Maybe I am the only one to notice anything like this.
As he makes his way to his chamber, I run up to him and fall to my knees, bowing at his feet. The shame and humiliation I feel is defeated by yearning to know the truth.
“Please, my Lord, could you please tell me what happened to your predecessor? I promise I will say nothing to anyone and do whatever is commanded of me, but I just need to know.”
I don’t dare raise my eyes to meet him until I feel him kneel down beside me. I raise my head and look into his ocean-blue eyes. The smile on his face is not one of benevolence; it fills me with dread.
In a dark whisper, he says, “You humans are so fucking pathetic. Look at yourself, pining after your betters. But, if you must know, he has already left for our home planet. He has abandoned you here to your fate. You are never going to see him again, so I would get used to your new meaningless life.”
His words pierce my heart like a rusty dagger. I feel the tears building in my eyes but am just able to stop them while in his presence. I say nothing, there is nothing to say. He gets up and kicks me in the ribs, sending me sliding ten hands across the newly clean floor.
“Disgusting,” he says as I grimace in pain beneath him. He walks off and enters his chamber, leaving me alone. I stand up, holding my bruised rib, and make my way to the slaves’ chambers. I cannot stay here.
* * *
All of thegirls go to bed silently. The vibe of the palace has changed completely. It is now a place of pain and fear like it once was. No one dares to speak because the cult members might be listening. I have decided that I need to get out, tonight. Everything here reminds me of Neb, and I can’t live with those reminders. I don’t know if the new Anubis was telling me the truth, but I don’t know why he would feel the need to lie to me. I am completely at his mercy, so why even bother?
In my heart, I know that what he said was true. Neb is gone and he is never coming back. I want to believe that it wasn’t his choice, but ultimately, we all make our own choices. If he was being sent back, then he could have fought them. It has only been two days since he left, and clearly, he has not fought for me very hard. Maybe I have inflated everything in my head; maybe we never had the connection I thought we had. That’s the problem with feelings—there is no memory to tether them to. Once you stop feeling it, you just remember the feeling itself. All I remember is the happiness I felt when I was with Neb, the safety, the warmth, the love, but maybe I am just imagining that.
As far as I’m concerned, he has abandoned me here to a life of slavery. I thought that I was going to have a new beginning, but I have been thrown back into hell once again. This has been the story of my life, but I am determined to put an end to it right now. I have packed up my three dresses and the little money that I have stashed away. I hate that I gave Neb my mother’s locket. I thought I was giving it to my soul mate, but I just gave it to another fucking liar. Like every other man in my life, he has left me and taken something dear to me in the process. I know now that I can never trust anyone ever again. It only brings you heartbreak and sorrow.
I wait until I hear nothing outside. The cult members stay out in the courtyard for fucking ever, talking and drinking beer and wine. Finally, the din dies down and I climb out of an opening in the wall as not to make a noise with the door. I will have to cross the courtyard to get to the river, and after that I can swim across and make my way into the desert. I snatched a loaf of bread and an empty leather bottle that I can fill with water from the kitchen before I went to bed.
The coast seems clear, and I quietly make a dash toward the river. The stars are shining bright in the sky tonight, and I can’t help but think of Neb somewhere up there—without me. I shake my head of this stupid thought and continue making my way across the courtyard. I am just about to turn the corner and reach the sand leading to the riverbank when I land straight on my back on the granite. I look up and see two cult members towering over me. Both with whips and bottles of beer in hand.
“I think Lord Anubis will want to deal with this one himself,” the black lips say. I am still so dazed from the punch in my chest that I can’t figure out which one. The next thing I know, I am being dragged back inside toward Anubis’s chamber.Is this really how this all ends?
