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Chapter One
Calai
I will my body to be still as the blood drips down my legs, a thick, viscous liquid racing towards the dirt floor I stand on.
With my legs spread slightly farther than shoulder width apart, the blood seems to run faster, more eager to be seen. The blood is a blessing. Not all the girls here are able to make their bodies bleed in this way, and I know I have been given a special gift from our beloved god, Ernyu.
Voices whisper around me as I make my way to the tables, sure now that everyone has seen proof that I am fertile. I feel the heat of the mother’s eyes on me as I make my way to my assigned seat, sitting down to have a meal with my sisters.
At mealtimes, it is the younger ones that serve us because they have not yet put in the time for our beloved to recognize them. Until they reach the age of fifteen they must wear white from head to toe and see to our every need.
I should feel honored by their attention as they pour fresh milk into my glass and scoop a good helping of steamed vegetables next to my rice, but it’s not as enjoyable when I have to eat next to others that won’t bleed and must make do with plain rice and water only. Our compound subsides on a meager diet, so our souls stay purer, only giving fresh foods regularly to those of us that are fertile.
No one speaks as we consume our meal, for noise at mealtimes offends the Great Mother. She is our leader, the one who cares for all of us and ensures we grow into proper adults. Sometimes she is harsh, but we all know that it comes from a place of love.
The seat next to me is still empty by the time I’m finished with my plate, but I know I can’t check on Eln until I have put my plate away and paid my respects to the Great Mother.
I try to look unhurried as I cross the room into the kitchen, handing my plate to the girls that are working in there. They don’t meet my eyes, but they do stare at the blood now dripping on the floor behind me as I walk away from them, and I restrict my breathing in an attempt to deal with the pain of the menstrual cramps.
The blood that falls to the ground won’t be cleaned up because it will nourish the dirt and bless more girls in turn.
I wash my hands so they’re unsullied before I present myself, then I carefully make my way back to the dining area so I can bid the Great Mother good night.
As a female of breeding age with proof of blood, I’ve earned all four letters of my name. This isn’t my first-time bleeding, the last one being several months prior. Great Mother will be pleased my blood has returned and pleasing her pleases everyone.
She’s waiting for me as I walk towards her, her weathered lips set less harshly than normal, an almost warmth threatening to crinkle the corners of her eyes. The choosing ceremony is tomorrow, so the fact that my blood is showing today is even better than I could have planned.
I kneel when I reach her chair, palms facing upwards as my head faces the earth. She places her hands in mine and strokes them softly, then curls my fingers back towards my palm, showing me she is pleased. If she was displeased with me, she’d have broken my skin with her knife. Now that she’s shown me favor I’m allowed to let my eyes rise to her face.
“Rise, Cala. The beloved one blesses you again.”
“Blessed be, Great Mother.”
“You must get rest for tomorrow’s choosing. Are you prepared to undergo it?”
“Blessed be, Great Mother.”
“Very well, make sure Eln brings her cot to the hallway tonight. I’ll not have her lack of blood, or her recovery affect your favor with the Beloved One.”
I bow and turn, acknowledging the fact that I’ve been dismissed. I bite back the retort that sits at the tip of my tongue, the one that tells me Eln wouldn’t need to recover if great mother hadn’t beat her this morning, but Eln shouldn’t have spoken out of turn during lessons. We know better.
I cross our compound, head held high as I make my way past the two and three letter girls, making the effort to only acknowledge the four-letter sisters as my station requires of me. I’m only allowed to acknowledge Eln because she is my roommate. She has not bled yet, so she maintains her three-letter status. We pray every month to Ernyu to bless her, but so far, he has not shown an interest. The way of the gods is not ours to decipher, so it must be their will that Eln remains as she is.
The no-names and the one letters scurry before me with baskets of linens, no doubt having just visited my room to pad my mattress with extra linen to absorb blood while I sleep. Tomorrow when I wake, those linens will be given to the three letters, in hopes that sleeping on my fertility will bless them and give them favor toward our beloved.
When I reach my shared room I shut the door behind me and lock it, knowing I only have a few minutes with Eln before I’ll be expected to turn her out so I may sleep undisturbed.
She’s in bed already, blankets wrapped around her, and I can see the bruises on the shoulder that sits bare. I go to her and kiss them gently, running my fingers through her hair. I want to take her in my arms and hold her, but I’m sure that would only cause her more pain.
“Your blood came?”
“Yes. If I’m chosen tomorrow…” I leave off, hope coloring my tone. I do not have much to hope for most days, but the ability to be the one chosen tomorrow would allow Eln to be under my protection. I could name her my lover officially and we’d be able to spend time together away from the compound. All I’ve ever wanted was to take care of her, to give her my affection.
Only at night do we belong to each other; only then can our mouths meet over and over again as our hands wander, the darkness of night offering us an opportunity that daylight does not.
“Dare I hope? Tali also bled last month. She could be chosen. Or Dara, or Trin.”
“I know. But Great Mother seemed pleased with me tonight at dinner. Maybe the Beloved One will smile upon us and grant us this boon.”
