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Chapter Two
Cala
I move through the morning in a bit of a haze, methodically dressing, cleaning my teeth, combing my hair, and slipping into a white robe loaned to me for just this occasion.
It’s a bit scratchy against my sensitive skin, and as it covers my bare flesh I can’t help but wonder how many arms and legs it’s tried to cover in the past for hopeful women.
Our clan holds the choosing ceremony once a year, less often if there aren’t any of-age women that are eligible. Our clan is small, but we do grow. I’ve only seen a breeding female a couple of times, because once they are chosen as the clan’s future, they are kept mostly sequestered.
I have no idea what it takes to get to the point of growing a no-name, I only know that Great Mother tells us it is sacred. The ritual is a highly kept secret. None of us here know how exactly they get the chosen one to beget offspring, we are simply told that He Who Watches will show his favor and choose his bride, and he will manifest to bestow the blessing.
I’m a little nervous of course about potentially entering into something I have such little knowledge of, knowing how greatly it is likely to affect me, but I also feel called to this. I am proud that I can show blood to my sisters, proud to have hips that seem to want to carry a babe.
I clean my hands one last time before leaving my room, aware that if I’m not at least fifteen minutes early, I’ll be punished. A punishment only has to happen once around here before you wise up and learn from it.
I learned a long time ago when I was a three-letter. I had been having stomach pains one morning and so I was sluggish to complete my morning routine, making me later than I was expected when I arrived at my lesson of the day. Great Mother was notified, and I spent the rest of the day tied in the middle of the gathering hall, and every single sister there was expected to bestow some sort of physical grievance against me- the kinder ones left a small slap, the angrier ones with something to prove punched me so hard across the temple my knees nearly buckled.
It was beyond humiliating, but I learned my lesson. I’ve never been late since.
Eln is long gone by now, she’ll have been called to report to assembly for morning prayer. The choosing ceremony is only for those of us that are entered into the pool, a handful of respected five letters that were no doubt carefully chosen, and Great Mother herself.
I will my breathing to normalize as I take my spot in line, happy to know I’m only the second to arrive. As expected, Trin doesn’t greet me when she senses my presence; she remains stoic as she stares ahead and makes her body still. I follow suit, ignoring all external stimuli as I begin to silently beg Ernyu to grant me favor.
I have so much fear that I will lose Eln if I’m not chosen, because she is the only good thing I have. I cannot imagine the pain I would feel seeing her chosen to be the companion to another, watching another body ripen with our beloved God’s favor and being hailed as the savior of our clan while Eln assists her and bestows affection.
It is not out of pride that I think this role should be mine, but desperation. Some of these other girls might think they have something to prove, or a duty to their sisters to offer their body up in such a way, but for me it’s personal. I need to be able to care for and protect Eln, so this is my path. I know that all this blood and pain my body is experiencing right now can’t be for naught. Ernyu must want me to be chosen- otherwise I wouldn’t have such hope, right?
Once all four of us are assembled and the requisite time has passed, Great Mother opens the simple wooden doors in front of us, arms extended to accept our robes. We are not allowed clothing during the choosing.
We have been briefed to exhaustion on how to behave and what to do, so I focus my nerves by mentally completing my next task. I go to the white bowl that’s empty and clean my face and hands again, accepting a marking across my forehead from Great Mother before taking up my assigned spot on the dirt floor.
Even now, my body contracts and throbs with pain, but I use my breathing to keep me from crying out or curling up. I can’t show any discomfort or weakness in this room, and it would be seen as blasphemous anywhere else anyway. Too many of my sisters long for their blood to come, so we are not permitted to broadcast any sort of complaint about our body undergoing it.
I dig my toes into the dirt beneath me, imagining all the roots for different trees that must run deep. I think about the rocks and the creatures burrowing, letting all of it become a part of me and center me.
One of the five-letters begins a rhythm on a hand drum and then Great Mother comes around and ties a blindfold onto all four candidates. When she gets to me I have to hold a sneeze in because she seems to be wearing some sort of strange perfume that really bothers my nose for some reason. With scratchy dark cloth now tied securely around my head, I instruct my body to remain as still as possible for the next part of the ceremony.
The drumming gets a little faster, and then a little faster still, and then I hear a couple of sisters begin to chant as Great Mother consecrates the room by walking around it and saying a prayer at each corner. When her voice stops, I know it is time.
“We present ourselves today to you, our beloved god, to offer you daughters. All four women have demonstrated that they are fertile, and they come to you in excellent health.
“Great one whom we follow, look upon your brides with favor. Find their fertility pleasing.
“Great one who sees all, embrace us, show us the path.
“Be here, greet us with your hand.
“Beloved one, father to all, make yourself corporeal and come amongst us.
“Choose your bride that will be the vessel for the next sister and choose well. Select the daughter whom you find most pleasing, and most able to carry a healthy infant for which to grow our clan with.
“He Who Watches, by our lips we admit that we are ready.”
I feel darkness seep into the room as candles are extinguished, and the four of us mutter prayers to Ernyu, this being our last opportunity to beg for his favor.
When the five letter strikes the drum three times in succession, that is our cue to be receptive to our god.
Slowly, I hear another door open in front of us, and there are several pairs of footsteps that enter. Heavy breathing echoes throughout the room, making my skin tingle from being so near to our beloved god. My hair seems to move on its own, brushing across my bare breasts, as I feel him prowl through the room.
