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“That’s all it takes.”
The earnest tone in his words is enough to shake me, and I respect the fact that he doesn’t move. He keeps the space between us. I kept myself well together in front of Beckett, but something about Sebastian’s softer nature rocks me to the core. It shows when my eyes water, and I can’t stop the onslaught.
“I told myself I wouldn’t cry over this.”
“Why not?”
“It’s been seven years.” I feel like I should have dealt with the majority of this and rode the wave of anger I had. “It’s not like it happened yesterday.”
“No, what happened yesterday was a reminder of what really happened seven years ago.”
I fix him with a look. Somewhere between the years, Sebastian really grew up. He was already astute to the world, well versed, and more understanding than all of us put together, but it appears age really did make him wiser.
“He took everything, Seb.”
The words unravel on a sob, and I can’t stop myself. Not even a hand slamming over my mouth stops it.
“And I don’t know what I hate more—him or the fact I believed it!”
No one will ever know how it feels to be the victim until they are it. Before this happened, I would have easily argued how I would have come home regardless of what happened to me. That notion quickly changed and everything I thought I knew discoloured to grey and lost focus because when Alistair was done and I was left broken and bloodied on the floor, I knew I couldn’t face any of it.
Home.
Beckett.
Him.
It took the best part of nearly a decade to come home and without my father’s passing, I’m still not sure I would have made it.
I have a black mark on my soul, and it wasn’t caused by my upbringing. No, that darkness has a name, and now I want him to feel what he did to me. I want Alistair to suffer, and Beckett isn’t the means to do so anymore.
“He used you, Tally.” Sebastian catches me then, pulling me into his chest as arms wrap around me like a vice trying to keep me together. “You don’t have a reason to feel guilty.”
“Yes, I do!” I scream and feel the anguish in me burn my throat, and I push him away. “I let him do that. I let him have that power over me. I should’ve been stronger.”
“You’re one of the strongest people I know, Talia, but he’s a man. He has an automatic advantage over you, whatever you might say.” He looks distraught over that fact. “And unfortunately, he had an advantage over Beckett seeing as they’re father and son. He used that position to manipulate the situation even more.”
“He’s still using it.”
“I know,” Sebastian says, and I know he does because what has he got to lose in all of this? “Beckett lost himself when you disappeared. And when Nicolas and Alistair said you’d had an abortion, it was like something in him closed off for good. His dad didn’t make it much better when he said how you couldn’t bring yourself to have his child, so there was only one way to resolve it.”
“The abortion.”
“Yeah. I guess the fight Alistair said he gave to stop you wasn’t real.”
I snigger. “Oh, there was a fight. It just wasn’t a verbal one.”
Sebastian’s face turns ashen as he accepts he doesn’t have all of the information to run on. Well, thank you very much, Beckett, for letting me have the privilege.
“Beckett didn’t tell you.”
“Not all of the details, no…” he trails off and suddenly rolls his shoulders. “Right, tell me. I want to know everything.”
A part of me worries he’ll do what Beckett did—walk away without so much as a second glance. The niggling voice in my head won’t quiet. Why would anyone believe a fucking word I tell them?
Noticing my quietness, Seb reaches out to nudge me. “We’ve been over this. Talk. Don’t leave out a single detail.”
I’m tired. Not physically, but I’m exhausted mentally and emotionally, and I’m not sure how I’m meant to keep this up. Noticing this, Sebastian seems to concede begrudgingly.
