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“John can follow our car,” Aarav adds and I look at Aarvi again who has clutched me so tight in the fear I would leave her again. She is still not sleeping soundly which means I can’t leave her yet.
“Fine.”
As soon as I agree, Aarav grabs my phone and purse and leads me to his car. The drive is silent and Aarvi is almost dozing peacefully in my arms by now. I keep rocking the baby, stroking her hair and back as if this is nothing new to me. Even a soft whimper from Aarvi drains me emotionally, I feel that connected to her.
Aarav parks the vehicle inside the AR Mansion gates and my heart beats frantically. The air around here makes me feel at home. Is this really my home? I don’t realize when Aarav gets down and opens my side door. He again tries to take Aarvi from me but the way she has held me makes it impossible for him to do so without touching me. Though he wants to, I step back, holding all those strange feelings inside me in their spot.
“She’s drained you tonight,” Aarav mutters, feeling helpless for me but he doesn't have to. Holding Aarvi like this for hours has in fact given me a hint to re-think my real identity though I am not sure how I’ll accept that truth. It’s complex. I walk with Aarav inside the house. As soon as we step into the living room, my steps falter as I see his mother’s portrait hanging on the wall. How do I know it’s his mother? Was it my wild guess? I think so. And on the other wall, I find many small pictures of Aarav, Jhanvi and Aarvi, together, enjoying their moments. My stomach churns when I meet Aarav’s eyes as he analyzes every expression on my face.
“The bedroom is upstairs,” he murmurs and I simply follow him again.
As soon as Aarav opens the bedroom door, he waits for me to get inside and my heart once again beats like it’s renewed with an insane vigor. The room doesn't look like a children’s room which is why I stare at Aarav again and he clarifies my doubt.
“She sleeps with me in the bedroom when she is low. It’s better I don’t leave her alone tonight.”
He is right and I like his sensibility. Aarav is a typical father and a doting one too I am sure of that. So, while he helps arrange the cushions on the bed, I very gently lay down Aarvi at the center of the bed. The fragrance in this room feels familiar.Nope. I shut my senses and focus on patting Aarvi to sleep. She tosses and I realize that’s because of the prickly party dress she’s wearing.
“Bring her nightwear. She can’t sleep in this dress.”
Aarav marches to the door that separates Aarvi’s room from this bedroom and in a few minutes, he hands me the dress. Neither he offers to help me change her dress nor I give him that chance. It’s like doing this is my responsibility. I don’t even bother Aarav hasn’t left gazing at me when I tactfully undress the party outfit from Aarvi’s body and help her wear the night frock. It’s a cute pink cotton frock, which has a logo of AR imprinted on it. I wonder whose idea was this. Just when I smoothen her frock, I see a similar birthmark which I have on my thigh, on Aarvi’s leg too at that same spot. It might not be as dark as the one I have, but this is definitely the same and confirms that it’s by birth on her body just like Aarav spotted me having one. Every little proof I’m getting these days has started strengthening my belief that I am Jhanvi Raichand and its creating havoc in my mind. There are still so many questions answered and its high time I start asking them to Rudra instead of just hoping they will come out on their own before me.
I cover Aarvi with the quilt as she starts snoring softly and then place a gentle kiss on her forehead, pushing her soft hair curls away. My angel is finally asleep. I don’t know what excuse Aarav will give her about my absence when she wakes up tomorrow morning. A photo frame of Aarav and Jhanvi at the bedside table steals my attention. Aarav has cuddled her from behind, his arms tight about her waist while he kisses her earlobe and Jhanvi is giggling hard. That one picture again, says it all about the kind of chemistry they had. It could be me. I don’t realize when I reach the bedside table and pick the frame in my hand until Aarav scoops me in the same way as in the picture, from behind, drawing me close to him. My entire body flames as Aarav places a briefest of kisses on my cheek. The soft scratch of his beard against my skin sends goosebumps racing in my body.
I turn around in the circle of his arms and our eyes hold for an eternity-long second. I sway closer seeing a strand of his dark hair fallen over his square brow. Something swirls in his eyes before they fall to my lips. They linger there for so long that the anticipation of whether he would kiss me or not races my heart abnormally. Flashes of me seeing him this close a million times before, flood in my head. The varied times when his rough palms have scooped my face and kissed me angrily, roughly, smoothly, delicately, with hunger, fire and rage, pricks those memories which are hidden in some deep dark corner of my brain. Are these flashes for real or just my imagination? They feel more real to me and it’s only because I am the most vulnerable whenever I’m this close to Aarav Raichand. Being here at his home, in his bedroom and in the confined space of his arms, I don’t think I want to be anywhere else at this moment. It makes me silently believe I always belonged here.With him.
Aarav’s thumb grazes my lower lip, urging me to part it.
“Come back to me, Jaan. I’m nothing without you.”
With that, Aarav’s lips finally touch mine and like every other time, he kisses me like he already knows how I taste and is addicted to me. It takes my breath away. I never want this kiss to end though I am doing nothing but standing and giving him all of me. He kisses me once, twice, slow and soft and these kisses mixed with the flashes of my past & present memories and the onslaught of emotions so far, force hot tears to roll down my eyes. Aarav lifts his head, tasting the saltiness on my lips. He looks hurt for a moment but then he gently licks my tears lovingly and kisses my left eyelid.
“This is your house.” He kisses my other eyelid, “your husband.” Aarav’s lips graze down to my left cheek where he places a butterfly kiss. “Your daughter.” He repeats that peck on my right cheek too, “Your family, Jaan.”
He then scoops my face, kisses my forehead providing the much-needed strength to my fragile heart and then gazes into my eyes.
“But we all are incomplete without you. We’ve been waiting for you desperately for two years. Come back to us. Complete all of us and yourself too.”
Aarav’s demands ring alarming bells in my heart. I need to get away from his bedroom, his house, the very instant because if I don’t, I might actually do anything and everything Aarav wants me to.
Giving him a gentle tug, I turn around and march out of his room with a heavy heart. I’m a total wreck tonight and this is not good. My heart aches for only this man and I am yet to break off everything that I have been holding on to with Rudra so far. What does that make me? A cheater? Fresh tears gush in my eyes as I make my way to the car. John opens the door for me and as soon as I am out of the AR Mansion, I cry my heart out. I can endure any physical pain but can’t sustain this emotional turmoil and mess I am currently into. I need a permanent solution and no one but me have to fix it.
***************
I hadn’t expected Rudra in the living room when I entered the villa. He is still in the party suit which means either he just arrived or he purposely came early to check on me. As soon as I step inside, his eyes take in my form before he checks his watch.
“It’s 12:30 am. Where had you been?”
“Party.”
I never planned to lie to Rudra but I’m still nervous because I hadn’t thought of having this confrontation right at this hour of the night.
“Which party?” He rises on his feet from the sofa, his pose threatening my nerves.
“Birthday party.” I try to pass by him without getting into the details, but Rudra grabs my hand and stops me.
“Whose birthday party?”
For a minute, we just glare at each other. I know he is already suspicious about me and Aarav and likewise, I too have a lot of questions in my head about my real identity, the answers to which only Rudra might have.
