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“I know I don’t have the best history. And maybe I didn’t love Holly the way she deserved to be loved. But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. Or what I know about Ben. You don’t know shit about him. You may think you do but you don’t.”
“Neither do you.”
“Jesus. I think we’re just going in circles here.”
“I think you’re right.” I gulp down a lump that’s forming in my throat. The thought of Rigger leaving for Guam, leaving things between us like this, it causes tears to burn the corners of my eyes. I can’t stand it.
I eat some more chips and queso, hoping I can blame the tears on peppery cheese. But Rigger watches me, quietly. And the one thing I can’t stop is my chin when it starts to quiver.
“Vay …” Rigger says, his voice low.
I shake my head, cover my mouth with a fist. A tear streams down my cheek. And it slaps me in the face at that moment, why I'm so upset with him.
It's not him I'm upset with, it'sme. And I have no business judging him and his non-monogamous ways. Because I can't stop thinking about that kiss and I can't stop wanting to be with him.
But I want Ben too.
What the hell is wrong with me?
“Talk to me.” He brushes the tear with his knuckle.
I swallow, my throat thick with mucus. “I never said I didn’t want anything to do with you … that I didn’t think of you like that.” I look at him and he’s just staring at me, a thousand unspoken words right there in his eyes.
“What are you saying?”
I shrug. “Just thought you should know. How I feel about you. Or felt. Not that it matters now since I’m with Ben. And you’re leaving.” I choke out the last part, my vision blurring from the tears. Fuck, I hate myself right now.
“It does matter. Anything you feel, whatever you felt, no matter how long ago, it matters.”
“It’s too late.” I shake my head. I won’t cheat on Ben. I won’t be that girl. Even if I was tempted. Which I’m not.
I’mnot.
Rigger groans out a sigh. “I disagree. But I know you don’t see it that way.Fuck.” He grips his forehead, rubs it until the tips of his fingers turn white. “Just … will you at least consider staying at my place until they arrest him?”
“Him? You mean King?”
Rigger nods. “You can have your own room. You and Ritz. And I swear to god I won’t lay a hand on you. Not even for a hug.”
“Why? Do you think I’m in danger?”
“Not exactly. But I can’t be sure.”
“If I am, I can stay with Ben. He won’t let anyone mess with me.”
A curtain falls over his eyes. “Ben’s place isn’t any safer. As you said he has connections too. Word gets around.”
“Which is precisely why your place is no less dangerous than his.”
“Tove, I have a fucking artillery. You know this.”
“Why do I get the feeling that this is another ploy to separate me from him?”
“It’s not a ploy. I’m just trying to protect you. Just think about it. Please.”
“Where is King? I know you can’t tell me who he is or whatever. But is he a local?”
“Yes.”
