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She gets a bone for Kanaka, who doesn’t give a damn about the fact his human is about to be boned herself. He doesn’t care that his mom has a new man. Lani and he are buddies because his treats have increased.
Pausing for a few beats, I approach the subject as gently as possible while still being clear.
“Did you ask him for a blood test? And I’m not kidding, Mom. The world has changed since you were young. He could have an STD. Do you know what that is?”
This is a conversation I never imagined. She looks at me like I am a moron.
“Do you think I was born yesterday? Of course I know what it is! I am a child of the sixties, Alekenekelo. Unfortunately we invented widespread STDs. And free love. My god boy, who do you think I am? An old uninformed lady who will faint at the mention of sex?”
“I’m just looking out for you. Do what you want.”
“Oh, I will,” she says firmly. “Neither one of us have had sexual relationships for years. We are clean as a whistle.”
For emphasis she whistles an exclamation point.
“Well, just call if for some reason the experience isn’t what you thought it would be, and you want to leave early. I’ll come get you. No matter what time.”
Her hand comes to my cheek, but it isn’t a gentle touch that lands. It is a little slap.
“Wake up! I don’t need a father. I had one.”
Can’t help but laugh a little. Then she smirks like someone who knows a secret.
“What’s that look?”
“Not that it’s any of your beeswax, but it’s been going on since Paula’s party.”
“What? You guys did it the first night?”
“What’s your point?”
“No point. It’s your business.”
A pointed finger aims at me.
“Now you’ve got the right idea.”
She walks away, mumbling under her breath. Pretty sure I’m being made fun of. Maybe she’s right. Obviously I have never seen the whole of my mother. Interesting. She would have more ammunition if she knew I didn’t listen to my own good sense. Not when Leilani and I got together and every time after. There was no bloodwork. No condom. All we cared about was birth control. The phrase ‘Do as I say, not as I do’, comes to mind.
Can’t help but picture Lani’s big ass body on top of…Stop!
“I’m heading out, Mom!”
Can’t wait to tell Makani and Noa.
Once in the privacy of the car, I make the first call, and back out of the driveway. Hope I get ahold of him before he takes off.
Noa answers on the second ring.
“Hey. What’s up? I was going to call you in a bit. I have a few more minutes between flights.”
“Wait till you hear this one.”
“Well, you’re laughing so it can’t be too bad.”
“Your mother is getting her freak on.”
“What?”
