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Maybe one more time? I had a few minutes to kill while I waited for Johnny to meet me here after work anyway. If I concentrated hard enough, maybe Gram would hear me from wherever she was. I checked the area again and realized Johnny was already here, getting out of his car with two coffee cups. At least I had a good boyfriend. Would he stay with me if I was crazy? That was a lot to ask of anyone.
He walked down the path toward me and then past me.
“Johnny, where are you going?” I yelled before he got too far.
He spun around, as if he hadn’t noticed me. “Oh shit. I don’t know how I didn’t see you sitting there. Lots going on at work. I guess I just spaced out.”
He gave me a kiss hello before sitting down on the bench beside me and handing me a latte.
“How was everything after the service?” he asked. “I feel like I should’ve stayed.” He reached out, rubbing my shoulder.
“I told you to go back,” I said, leaning away, my skin feeling like it was actually on fire now.
“See? I should’ve insisted,” he said, looking at where I’d edged away from him. “Obviously you’re annoyed.”
“No, I’m not. I think I might be allergic to the detergent I’m using or something. My skin feels worse than it did earlier.”
He nodded, looking as if he were going to take my word for it. He then continued to talk, except I was having trouble concentrating on his words as the breeze kicked up. Everywhere my clothes touched me, it felt like sandpaper rubbing. I looked up at the sky and around. If Gram was here, this was something she’d do, make it almost unbearable to sit here with Johnny.
“Billie?” Johnny asked, his voice louder, as if this wasn’t the first time he’d said my name.
I forced my attention away from the chafing and back to him.
“Are you okay? Did you hear anything I said?” he asked, looking at me like I was acting odd.
If he thought this was weird, the delusions were really going to be too much for him.
“I’m sorry,” I said, getting up. “I have to go home and change. It’s not you, I swear. My skin just feels horrible.”
He nodded, standing with his coffee. “You want me to come with you?”
He’d seen my mother drunk plenty of times, but tonight might be a real bender. Handling that situation on top of how I was feeling would take more energy than I had left.
“No. I’m pretty tired after today. I’ll talk to you later,” I said, already taking off.
He took a step to follow me but then stopped and watched me leave, a sort of hopeless look on his face. I waved again as I got in the car, forcing a smile. He waved back, looking a little better.
My mother was passed out on the couch when I got back and headed right for the shower. The drops of water felt like little bullets against my skin until I had to stand out from underneath the direct flow and try to soap up like that.
The pain seemed to be intensifying by the minute. I was getting sick. That was all. I’d been running and stressed. It would go away.
Except it didn’t.
I drove myself to the emergency room an hour later, knowing that this bill might do me in financially but not having another option. There was somethingverywrong. I couldn’t sit—couldn’t even stand. The feeling of irritation all over my body was getting worse, as if it were seeping deeper into my flesh, which felt like it was chafing from the inside.
It took five hours for a doctor to pronounce me perfectly healthy and suggest I was having a panic attack. There was only one place left to try before I was positive I’d die of pain.
When Kaden had said I’d be back, that I wouldn’t last long, I wrote him off as an arrogant asshole, thinking he knew it all. Then I decided he was a figment of my fractured mind.
It was time to find out which one was the truth.
Chapter Five
“Stop here,” I told the driver as we got to the base of the toll bridge.
“Here?” the driver asked, looking around as if I were crazy. My gut was telling me I’d better get used to these reactions, because I might indeed be as insane as he seemed to think.
“Yes.” I grabbed my bag and was out and staring at the place. I might really have cracked up. There was no hidden building here. I peeked over the side, looking for something underneath.
