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“There’s nothing we can do.”
“There’s always something. If it makes you feel better, you can leave that part to me. I just need you to point me in the right direction.”
“That’s the thing—I don’t know. Everything I want is at odds. There’s no way to have one thing without sacrificing the other. So what the fuck do I do?”
“Figure out what’s more important to you, Duke. Quit making it harder than it has to be.”
I frowned. “But you're standing with Charlie, my entire career—”
“Don’t think about me, Duke—I’ll be fine. But will you be able to move on without Poppy? It’s like I said. Figure out what’s more important. If it’s your career, well… that’s that. If it’s not? Then we have some work to do.”
Thoughts streaked through me like a meteor shower.
What was more important?
For the last twelve years, that question would have been answered without hesitation—my career.
Since I’d come home, all I’d done was hesitate, and on this most of all.
I’d been trying to figure out how to have it all, knowing it was impossible. But what if I didn’t choose my career this time? What if coming home was a divine intervention, another crossroads? A second chance?
When I thought about going back to my old life, my old job, that old world, it didn’t feel right anymore. She wouldn’t be there with me, and nothing meant anything without her.
Nothing.
I pulled over, my heart pounding with fear and hope and rightness, and I knew.
“Her,” I said with shaking breath. “She’s more important.”
Evangeline smiled, her eyes misty. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
23
CALL ON THE DEVIL
POPPY
I tugged at the hem of my blazer, inspecting myself in the mirror.
We’d gone to Austin last week and picked up the pantsuit I’d been dreading so deeply for today, election day, and I hated that I didn’t hate it. It was a vivid cobalt, the pants wide legged, the tips of my heels peeking out of them. I looked very official and very professional despite not feeling like either.
Yesterday was hectic, our last day to campaign. But rather than spending time talking about the many reasons I was superior to Duke, I ended up fielding the town’s questions and rage over the article.
The night was worse. At least when I was busy and “on,” I could (mostly) keep my heart in check. But when I was alone and in bed, I tossed and turned, my thoughts circling the pulverized remains of my heart.
And today, one way or another, it would be over.
Welling tears clung to my eyelids, surprising me. I blinked them back, taking a moment to sit with the ache in my chest, acknowledging it, letting it be. But instead of the feeling receding like usual, it surged. I sat on the edge of my bed, looking at the heartbroken girl in the mirror. I’d been dreading today before, but now it felt like a sweet release. If I won, he’d leave, and I could go back to pretending he lived in an ocean abyss full of blind sharks.
My heart had not gotten the memo that we wanted him to leave.
A soft knock at the door had me swiping at my cheeks, the errant tears sneaking past.
“Come in.”
Mama appeared in the doorway with a small smile. “Hey, baby. You ready for all this?”
When she caught a glimpse of me, her face fell.
“Oh, honey,” she said, sidling up next to me to wrap me up in her arms.
Once I was there, the tears came regardless of what I wanted. Mama stroked my hair, rocking me ever so slightly as I let it all loose. For a few minutes, that was all there was. Me, Mama, and my heartache.
Sniffling, I sat.
“Ugh, my makeup.”
“That’s fixable.”
“Too bad I can’t fix everything with a makeup wipe.”
She moved a lock of hair over my shoulder, her face somber. “Wouldn’t it be nice?”
I sighed, and on the long exhale, my body sagged. “I’m a fool, Mama. Can’t say I’m surprised Duke double-crossed me, but I’m disappointed. So disappointed.”
Mama handed me a tissue, and I dabbed at my face.
“Thank you. At least it happened close to the end of the race. I couldn’t have endured it for much longer. Best-case scenario is that I win, and he goes back to DC where he belongs.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Is crawling under a rock and dying an option?”
“Sadly, no.”
“I’ve never wanted to leave Lindenbach, but he inspires me in ways none of us could have imagined.” I stared at the tissue in my hand as I picked at it. “I’ve never been so stupid in my entire life.”
“You’re not stupid—you love him. It’s just that sometimes they feel like the same thing.”
“He loves me too. He told me so just before I slapped him.”
“That’s an… interesting response.”
“In the same breath, he told me he loved me and he’d ruin me if I didn’t give up. There was no thought behind it, Mama. I just hauled off and hit him.” I shook my head. “Now I just want him gone.”
