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CHAPTER18
Elena
Ipace the hallway for hours, waiting for Kane to return. I've tried calling him multiple times, but eventually his calls went to voicemail, indicating he's turned his phone off. I just need a moment to explain to him what happened and why. I wish he had given me the opportunity before he left, but he had been in too much pain, too hurt by what he perceives I have done.
My stomach churns painfully but I ignore it, whiling down the hours as I wait for him to come home. What if he never comes back? What if this is the beginning of the end?
I want to kill my father for what he's done, even as I know it's not his fault. I agreed to this foolish plan, but that was before I knew Kane; before I knew I wanted to be with him. The heightened emotion of this week has changed everything. I didn't lie when I told him I am falling for him. I am.
When we’re together, I feel so different. He makes me feel needed in a way my father never has. I was always seeking that approval from Hamish, but I should have known better. My father will never approve of me. Dex is the apple of his eye, his heir. He is the only one who matters.
I hear a vehicle approaching, the gravel of the driveway crunching beneath the tyres. I rush to the door and drag it open, just in time to see the car Kane left in pulling up. Nervous tingles race through me. What if this is the end? We were just getting to a good place, one where I think we found mutual ground and an affection for each other.
Then I ruined it by not coming clean about my father’s intentions for me. What did he hope to achieve with it anyway? Does he really believe that my husband would be so stupid that he would leave incriminating evidence lying around about how they run their empire? Now that I'm thinking about it, the plan was ridiculous to start with, and I should have told my father no from the beginning.
Kane climbs out of the car, his expression completely impassive. That scares me more than if he was angry. At least then I would know where I stand. This gives nothing away, no indication of where his head is at.
He moves towards me, and my heart starts to race. Then he passes me. I turn to follow him.
“Don't ignore me,” I snap at him. I know I shouldn't, considering it’s my fault we are here, but fear that he may never talk to me again makes my words sharp.
He stops and twists like a tornado making ground. “We will talk. Make no mistake about that.”
There is something menacing in his words that makes a shiver run through me. “I know you're angry—”
“Oh, I have surpassed angry, Elena. I don't even know what I am right now. But my brother seems to think I should give you an opportunity to explain yourself.”
I'm not sure which of his brothers I need to thank, but I'm grateful they talked some sense into him. “My father asked me to spy, yes. I can't deny it.”
His jaw twitches at my admission. “And you agreed. Why?”
“Kane, I would do anything for my family. Whether you like it or not, the Frasers are a threat. I had to make sure that we would remain safe, something my father told me could only be achieved if we knew what was happening within your empire. I know this hurts you, but I did exactly what you would have done in my situation.”
He takes my words in without a word and without a single emotion sliding onto his face. “Your family is my family now, Elena. On some level, you must have known that. You are not that naïve. So, I ask you again: why did you agree to spy on me?”
To open up to him. To expose those parts of myself that shamed me makes me feel more vulnerable than I have ever felt.
But if I am going to repair this with my husband, I have to give him the truth
I rub a hand over my throat, feeling my pulse fluttering wildly beneath my fingers. “You have to understand what it was like for me growing up under my father's rule. Hamish didn't want girls. He wanted sons, men he could give his legacy to. My sister and I were a constant disappointment to him. Nothing we did was ever good enough. I watched my brother be idolised by Hamish over the years. I wanted his approval, as pathetic as that is. I wanted my father to love me. I tried for years to get a foothold in his organisation, to prove to him that I could be useful. It was never enough. Nothing I did was ever enough. But I didn't stop trying to get my father to see a different side of me, one that could be useful to him. When I agreed to marry you, I knew I was doing it for the greater good of our family. It would protect us, and he would keep my sister and my brother safe. It didn't matter what it would do to me. I didn't matter.” I break off, my voice wobbling a little. Kane remains impassive, and I have no idea if my words are penetrating through to him. “When my father asked me to spy, I felt… useful. Here was finally a role I could perform to protect my family. At that point, you, which was a nameless person to me, were nothing to me.”
“What changed?”
“You changed me. As we started getting closer, I realised I couldn't do that to you. I knew I would have to break away from my father because my loyalties have shifted.” I let out a breath. “Tell me you wouldn't go to the ends of the earth for your family.”
“I would, and you know I would.”
“So how can you be angry at me for doing something you yourself would do?”
He doesn't answer that, probably because he can't. “Your loyalty has to be to me.”
“And it will be. It already is. But you're expecting me to have stood against my family for a man I barely knew.”
His face softens slightly, though not enough to take the heat out of his expression. “I appreciate you explaining, but you have broken my trust, and that is going to take time to fix.”
I understand that, so I don't argue with him. I have to rebuild my bridges, only I'm not sure how to do that.
“Kane… I'm so sorry.”
