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Chapter Six - Delilah
Oh, my God. I hurt everywhere.
And I can’t see.
Panic grips me and almost stops my heart. I’m blind. I can’t see! I open my mouth and am about to scream when I realize what’s happened. My eyes are swollen shut, both of them, but one is slightly better than the other. I can open it a tiny slit, but that’s enough to tell me I still have my vision.
And wherever I am, it’s a lot brighter and cleaner and more comfortable than the last place I remember.
It’s wrong for me to think of this as home, but that’s where I am. The sheets have what’s now a familiar smell to them, and it’s comforting. They’re cool and soft and a tear somehow squeezes its way from between my swollen eyelids and trickles down my cheek. It’s a tear of gratitude, though I don’t think anybody would blame me if I cried from pain.
I check in with myself one bit at a time. I feel everything—my arms and legs, my feet, my hands. I can move it all, too. There aren’t any casts, either, so I guess he didn’t break anything. Small favors and all that.
I don’t know for sure whether or not I wish I could remember what he did. Part of me wants to forget and pretend it never happened, but I know I will never be able to do that. I’ll never forget. I’ll only learn to live with it the way I had to learn to live with so many other things. Is there ever going to be a time I don’t have to learn to live with something?
What happened? What really happened? One of my hands slides under the blankets before I know for sure what I’m doing, creeping over my stomach—so sore, so tender—then lower, slowly, fearfully. I don’t know if I want to touch down there yet, but the persistent ache won’t leave me alone. I have to know.
The only thing my fingers brush up against is a tube that I instantly understand must be a catheter. I’ve been unconscious for a while, I guess. How long? And why?
“Hello?” I whisper, there’s no answer. There’s nothing but silence. I lick my parched lips and use what little strength I have to raise my voice. “Hello?” Even that was exhausting.
But it got results. The door opens. “You awake?” I recognize Rob’s voice and I want to laugh.No, idiot, I’m sleeping.
“I guess it doesn’t look that way since my eyes are shut, but yes.”
“I’ll let the boss know.” Only he doesn’t leave right away. I hear him shuffling his feet like he’s uncomfortable. “Can I bring you anything?”
“Let’s start with enough morphine to knock me out and go from there.” I probably shouldn’t make jokes like that since he might take me literally, but when I hear a relieved little chuckle I know it was the right thing.
Luca came for me. He really did. He found me somehow and he brought me here. He got me a doctor—I’m assuming that’s where the catheter came from. He’s making sure I’m being taken care of. No, it doesn’t make him a prince, but I can’t help my relief. When was the last time anybody took care of me? To think, all it took was almost getting killed.
What did he do to me? I raise a hand to my head, prepared to scratch an itch on my scalp—and for the first time since I woke up, true, icy shock crashes against me.
I don’t have any hair. Nothing but very short fuzz, like somebody took a pair of clippers to my entire head. All of it, gone. I run both hands over it now, looking for wounds, stitches, something. There aren’t any. I guess I should be grateful for that, knowing they didn’t have to shave my head because I have wounds that needed treating.
And I am grateful. I’m also broken. That’s what it took. That’s what finally breaks me and makes tears roll down both sides of my face. When I go to brush them away, I make the mistake of touching my nose. It’s covered in something, gauze or bandages. And it’s stuffed with something, too, probably to catch any blood. He broke my goddamn nose.
What else did he do? I don’t think I want to know anymore. I want to go back to sleep. Why did I even wake up in the first place?
The door opens again, and before I know who’s there, I ask, “Please, just give me something to knock me out, okay?”
“We’ll do that soon.” Footsteps cross the room, and there’s noise to my right. “Here. I’m going to give you a straw. This is only water, but you need it.”
“Jock?” Why does my heart sink? Then again, why would I assume Luca would be the one to come up here? No, he sent his errand boy to handle me. For all I know, it wasn’t Luca who found me at all. Why would he waste his time on something so trivial?
Still, I can’t pretend the water isn’t welcome. Once I finish sipping, I whisper, “Thank you.”
“It’s no problem. Here.” He places something in my right hand and closes my fingers around it. “It’s a little old school, but it’ll work. Whenever you need anything.”
A bell. “Thanks.”
He sits on the edge of the bed. I feel his discomfort but can’t find it in myself to care much. If there’s one thing I’ve finally learned the hard way, it’s that I have spent too much of my life caring more about other people than about myself. If I had just raised my voice at that damn party. If I had maybe risked just a little. He might not even have gone through with it. But now I’ll never know.
And he could have killed me. He could have killed me because I was too busy worrying about a bunch of people I’ll never see again.
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
“That’s putting it mildly.” I can’t even shift a little without everything aching.
