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I love my brother. I really fucking love him, but right now—I hate him. I hate his unwillingness to let people in. I hate how he allows his ego to get in the way. I hate how fucking stubborn he is. Most of all, I hate how he let her go so easily.
All he thought about was himself.
It’s all he ever thinks about.
And now she’s in trouble because of it.
The tension in the air is suffocating, and my throat is slowly closing the longer I stand here needing to gasp for air. The intensity radiating off Rush is swirling around wildly. His features are sharp, looking like danger ready to explode any instant. Regret consumes Nix’s eyes. I want to make this better, I want to fix this, but I can’t. I can’t do this right now. For once, I can’t be the one to piece this back together with jokes and humor.
I need her.
I need her back.
This can’t be real. It has to be some kind of joke or messed-up dream I’m in. She can’t be gone. She…we have so much more to do. We have to find her, especially if she’s with some sick fuck who has tortured her. Based on what Rush has said, we need to get to her fast before anything terrible happens. Time is of the essence, but…fuck. I…what the hell are we going to do? If Rush hasn’t had luck finding any leads on the guy yet, that’s not a good sign.
Shit.
I can’t breathe. My lungs burn with each sharp inhale. I’m drowning in the madness of this news. I can’t…I can’t be here right now. The longer I stand here, the more unhinged I become. My fingers burn, and my entire body itches uncomfortably. The room is spinning and my skin heats like it’s on fire.
My legs are like jelly, barely holding me up, but I need to leave. I need to go find her, get out of here, get away from Nix before I strangle him. Leaving is the only thing on my mind, but Nix’s voice stops me in my tracks.
“Where are you going?” Worry laces his voice, panic filling his tone, coming out a little too tender to really sound like him. I can hear how terrified he is. He only gets like this when he’s truly scared.
“Out. To find her. I don’t know. Away from you.” I can’t form coherent sentences; I just need to see her. To hold her. To be with her.
“We need you here so we can come up with a plan to find her. All of us have to be in this together,” Nix rushes out, trying to grab onto my arm to stop me.
I shrug out of his hold, turning to get in his face. “No. You don’t get to tell me what we need to do. You fucked this up. That’s on you. Where was your reminder that we should all be in this together when you were believing him over her? Now let me go before I beat your ass too.” He knows I’m not fucking around. I’m angry enough to knock his lights out and not give two shits about it. He might still be my best friend, but that doesn’t mean shit to me right now.
“Reilly, you’re not in the right headspace. Don’t do something stupid.”
“Kind of like what you did?” That might be a low blow, but it’s the fucking truth. He did something stupid, and now he has to live with that. I’ll fucking remind him every chance I get.
“Reilly…” His breath hitches, hurt filling his tone, but I can’t focus on that. I can’t focus on how anyone else is feeling right now. The intensity of my own emotions crashing into me right now is too much to handle; I can’t take on anyone else's. I pull away from Nix, heading down the hallway toward the garage. Footsteps echo behind me, but I don’t pay attention. Finally, Rush’s voice cuts through the darkness.
“You good? You need me to come with?” I turn to look at him, seeing the heartbreak that mirrors mine in his dark eyes. He looks deranged and frazzled, like he’s hanging on by the same thread I am.
He’s trying to comfort me when he’s falling apart at the same time. As much as I appreciate it, I just need to be alone. I don’t know what I’m capable of at this moment and I just need space. I usually hate being alone, but if I don’t get away to calm down, I’ll do something I’ll regret tomorrow.
“No. You look for her here, I’m…I don’t fucking know what I’m going to do, but I need to clear my head. I need to find her, Rush.” My voice cracks with emotion as tears well in my eyes. I hold them back as best as I can, but it’s hard to do. Every revelation tonight has been more emotional than the next.
He nods, his jaw clenching hard enough to break his teeth. There’s doubt in his eyes about letting me go, but he gets it. He’s dealing with it the only way he knows how, and I’m going to deal how I know how.
My sweet, sassy, wild girl is God knows where with a monster who hurt her before. She’s probably giving him hell because she’s a fucking fighter, but how long can she keep that up? How long until we find her?
Is my girl going to come back to me? Is she going to be okay? These are the questions that are plaguing me every second that ticks by.
I hop into my Jeep without a clue of where I’m going. I start driving, hoping by some miracle I’ll see my raven-haired beauty magically appear in front of me. I didn’t get to say goodbye; I wasn’t ready. I’m not ready and never will be ready to tell her goodbye. I didn’t get to see her laugh or spit some sassy remark out of that smart mouth of hers before he just let her go.
She’s got me fucked up bad. She hasn’t even been gone for a day and I’m already falling apart. Maybe it’s because she’s with someone who’s only going to hurt her. Someone who will destroy her and not give a fuck about her well-being. Maybe it’s because I’m so deeply in love with her that the thought of never seeing her again rips me to pieces.
Fuck. I love her.
It didn’t take long for me to become wrapped up in her. She’s easy to love. Easy to be enchanted by. She’s pure perfection in her own imperfect way.
Tara’s the woman I want to see every single day for the rest of my life. The one I want to laugh with, share all my secrets with, and love like none other. Sharing her wasn’t a problem for me. If sharing her with Rush and Nix meant I got to be with her too, I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash.
I might be ready to kill Nix and confused about my newfound attraction for Rush, but I still care about both of them. The only thing is, is that I care about her more.
