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Sobs escape me as he pushes in one last time.
Please don’t let this happen again.
Death.
Agony.
Misery.
I’m sinking.
Drowning in the pit of despair.
Zayan grabs the back of my neck roughly, kissing me passionately even though I don’t move an inch. His touch lingers on the soft skin below my hairline as he caresses the area. “What’s this, dahlia?” His fingers dig into my skin like he’s trying to cut me open.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
My last sliver of hope is ruined. I’m not escaping. This is my end. This is how I die.
My eyes flutter, lingering on the thought that I will take my last breath inside these walls. I’m slowly drifting away, no longer feeling like my body is mine anymore. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but one encounter with Zayan is enough to destroy me.
I let the darkness take me, hoping I’ll never see the light again.
I’ve been at this all fucking night. My fingers are cramping, and my eyes are starting to cross, blurring my vision. At this point, I’m not sure I’m doing any fucking good. But I can’t give up. I can’t give up on Tara.
Sighing, I sluggishly rub my fists over my eyes, hoping that will make it better so I can keep searching. Of course, it doesn’t, there was no hope for that, but that won’t stop me. It’s my fault we have no clue where she is.
If I had just put the tracker on her phone.
If I had just stayed when Nix ordered me to leave.
If I had just told Nix about Zayan in the first place.
A whole bunch of fuckingifs.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
There were so many chances to change the outcome. I could’ve prevented this, and I failed. I fucking failed her. It’s my job to think of everything from all possible angles, and I didn’t. I didn’t fulfil the main purpose of my job.
Not only am I tearing myself apart about Tara, but now I have to worry about Reilly since he took off. It’s been hours since he sprinted out of here without telling anyone where the hell he was going.
Nix and I sat restlessly in my office, searching and making calls, anything that might give us a lead on where Tara could be. Even though I was working, I couldn’t help the rage that still fueled me. I had to force myself to practice self-control and not beat Nix’s ass to a pulp. The only reason I didn’t is because it wouldn’t help find Tara, and we all need to be on the same page right now. He can’t be of use if he’s unconscious. After a few hours of finding nothing, Nix decided to pull out all the stops to locate her and headed to the Snakes’ warehouse.
Since Nix has been gone, I’ve tried calling Reilly a few times. That fucker turned his cell off so I’m unable to track him either. He’s a smart guy. He knew we’d try; he knew we’d yell at him and tell him to get his ass back here. If he’s going to these extremes, he must want to be alone. It’s got to be bad if he’s shutting himself off from everyone because he absolutely hates being alone. He hates getting lost inside the dark places of his mind.
I get that, but not knowing where he is, is eating me alive. He’s irrational and drowns his emotions any chance he gets. He could hurt himself out there when he’s like this.
Fuck, if something happens to him, too, Nix will kill me.Hell, I wouldn’t blame him.
We all need to be in this together. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, we are a team. We are one unit that needs to work together. It’s the only way to make this work.
There’s a part of me that cares about Reilly more than I should. More than I ever thought I would. He’s slowly crept under my skin to the point I think about him in ways I shouldn’t. It’s a fucking distraction.
Fuck. How did I get to this point? Wanting my boss’s wife was bad enough, but wanting his best friend too? Am I that fucked in the head?
I squeeze my eyes shut and repeatedly slam my forehead against my keyboard. I’ve gotten absolutely nowhere on finding Tara. Her bright green eyes flash through my mind, drifting to her soft lips and mesmerizing voice. A voice that I’m worried I’ll never get to hear again. A voice that makes my heart beat faster and makes me feel more than I ever have. An unrecognizable growl erupts from me as I slam my forehead down again.
This is my fault. All my fucking fault.
