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But is it really only my fault?
A buzzing echoes in my head, my pulse about to beat out of my chest. I know what would help and my body is practically begging for it, but I can’t go there. I have to keep myself under control, for her. I can’t let myself get to that place ever again, even if it would keep me from going insane.
I can’t physically fight right now when I’m fighting enough internal demons of my own.
A chime rings from my computer, alerting me of movement at the front gate. My head snaps up in record time, and a small sigh of relief—well, as much relief as I can have in this situation—escapes me when I find Reilly’s white Jeep barreling up the drive. The speed at which he’s driving, combined with the weaving, has me uneasy, but at least he’s back.
“Thank fuck,” I whisper to myself. At least I don’t have to worry about him anymore, and I can focus all my energy on Tara. Reilly swerves a little bit but safely makes it into the garage.
I watch him on the video feed as he opens the car door and stumbles out without turning off the ignition. He remains still for a few seconds trying to catch his balance before heading inside and leaving his car door wide open with the engine still on. I’m surprised he could even put it in park with the state he's in.
After a few steps, he stumbles, catching himself on the wall as his dark chuckle echoes off the concrete floor. “How did that wall get there?” He continues to laugh like a fool before the hiccups start to take over.
“Shit,” I curse.
Pushing up from my chair, I run out of the office toward the garage.
“Nix! I’m gonna kill you, motherfucker! Come out so I can kick your bitch ass!” Reilly yells, his words slurred, barely coherent. I turn the corner toward the garage and crash right into him. He’s so intoxicated that the impact throws him off balance, as I grab his biceps to keep him from falling.
“Fuck, Reilly. What the hell were you thinking?” His glassy gray eyes meet mine, looking so vulnerable, and fuck if I don’t get a semi just from that.Now is not the damn time.
“I can’t go through that again,” he mumbles, his eyes drooping closed.
I squeeze his arms to keep him awake. “Through what?”
“I’m going to lose her just like I lost them.” The pain in his voice drills a hole right through my chest.
“Like wh—” I stop myself before finishing because it dawns on me that he’s talking about his parents.
“Did you find anything?” He quickly changes the subject, looking angry all over again after his moment of vulnerability.
I don’t want to break his heart even more in this state, but I can’t lie to him. “Not yet. But I will find her, Reilly. I promise I will. We’ll bring her home. We won’t lose her.”
Reilly buries his face in the crook of my neck, his warm, alcohol-soaked breath hitting my skin. I close my eyes and get lost in his closeness. What I would give to take all his pain away right now.
“Come on, let’s get you in bed. Can’t have you falling asleep on the floor.”
I can feel his smile against my skin, his soft lips sending a chill down my spine. “But you feel so good, Rush. You’re so warm.” A low moan escapes me at how amazing that sounds.
“I know, big man, but you need to sleep off the booze, and I need to keep looking for our girl.”
Our girl.I can’t believe I just said that. I don’t know if she’s mine at all. Hopefully, Reilly doesn’t remember that when he wakes up.
“I’ve got this. You go find Tara. I can make it on my own.” Pulling away toward the back door, his legs give out and he falls right on his ass.
I chuckle. “You’ve really got this? Come on, noodles, let’s get you to your place.” I take his hand and help him to his feet.
“Fine,” he huffs, pouting that he needs help.
He grabs onto my bicep and I walk him to his house out back. After he fumbles around searching for his keys in his pockets and makes jokes about me looking for them inside his pants, we finally make it inside, and I sit him on the edge of his bed ungracefully.
“I’m so fucking angry at him,” Reilly growls as I lean down and slide off his white Doc Martens.
“I know.” I feel the same way. I haven’t stopped feeling that way since I found out.
Reilly plops himself down on his pillow and throws his feet up on the bed.
“Nu-uh-uh. Get up. We need to get your jeans off. You can’t sleep like this.”
