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“And people say I’m stubborn,” she scoffs. “What were you just trying to do?” She tilts her head, looking at me with concern.
“I…I need to leave.” I croak, my eyes focusing on the ground because I can’t look at my best friend right now.
“What? Why?”
“It’s not safe. I have to go.” Emotion seeps out of me as my voice cracks with uneasiness. Frantic unease is climbing up my skin. The longer I’m here, the easier it is for him to find me. He can’t get to them. He’ll hurt them to hurt me.
“You are safe. You’re safe here,” she protests, shaking her head.
My pulse races. “No, he’s going to find me. He’s going to hurt everyone. To get to me. He won’t stop until he has me.” My voice is rushed and panicked. Heat crawls up my chest, feeling nauseous, knowing he won’t stop at anything to get me back. I should’ve stayed to protect them. I wasn’t thinking. I would sacrifice myself to protect those I love.
My mind is so twisted and confused. I needed to get out, but maybe that was a mistake. I don’t fucking know anymore.
Lya gently grabs my shoulders, breaking my spiral of fear. “Tara, he’s not going to get you. We will make sure of that. We know what we’re working against now. Whatever you need, we will do, but you need rest. You’re hurt. You’re injured badly, and I will die if anything else happens to you.” She’s breaking in front of me. My strong, resilient friend is shattering into pieces. Guilt coats my body, knowing that I never told her about Zayan and I’m sure how she found out wasn’t the way I would’ve liked.
“Lya…I’m…I’m sorry.” I drop my head into my palms, wincing at the contact between my broken hand and the cut-up one. I can’t even look at her. I don’t want her to be disgusted with me or pity me or look at me like I’m someone different than her best friend.
“Tara…” Her finger touches under my chin, pulling my head up so she can see my tear-filled eyes. “Look at me, please.” She gently brushes my hair behind my ear as a tear rolls down my cheek. I’m finally letting the dam break, unable to hold back the sadness consuming me. “You have nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong.”
I know she must be hurting right now. Completely crushed when she found out the secrets I had kept from her for so long. I wanted to tell her, I honestly did, but I was so embarrassed. When we met, I was this sassy, sarcastic bitch. She didn’t know the old, naive Tara. “Lya…I should have told you. I—”
“No. Don’t do that.” She kneels down in front of me, gently taking my injured hand in hers. “You would have told me when you were ready. You have nothing to be ashamed of, but I understand not wanting to talk about it. I understand not being ready. I will never be mad at you for that.” Her genuine tone reminds me of why she’s my best friend. She’d never judge me for something like this, and she wouldn’t take pity on me either. I’d still be her same best friend.
“I want to tell you.” I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“You don’t have to. You’ve been through a lot.” She looks up at me, letting me know she doesn’t need anything from me right now that I’m not comfortable with.
“I have to get it out. I feel like I’m breaking over and over again inside, slowly suffocating with the memories.” She nods, encouraging me to go on. I slowly sit back on the bed so I can lean my aching body against the headboard. She slides onto the bed next to me and I lay my head against her shoulder for support.
Starting from the beginning, I tell her how Zayan lured my little innocent, naive self into his trap before he became the monster hidden under the charm. I explain how my parents wanted me to be in an arranged marriage, and it was Zayan who was able to convince his family and mine that we were meant to be together. I tell her how he used to drug, rape, and torture me for his own amusement. How he got me pregnant and then pumped so many drugs into my body that I overdosed and lost the baby.
I explain how he showed up at Star of India and Rush protected me. I even tell her how Zayan showed up at my parents’ house, blindsiding both Marnix and me. How Marnix didn’t trust me and let me go. Then I painfully struggle through telling her what Zayan did to me while I was gone and how I escaped, all the way up until I was found.
By the time I finish, tears are silently streaming down both of our faces. The agony is palpable, filling every inch of this room, but neither of us speaks. We soak in the aftermath of what Zayan has done to me—realizing that parts of me might never be the same after my last battle with him.
“Fuck,” she breathes lightly. “I’m going to fucking kill him. He’s going to die. He’ll pay for what he did to you, Tara.”
I believe her angry words. Honestly, one of my guys will probably beat her to it. However, I feel like this revenge is mine to take. He fucked up my mind, my body, and my life—his death is mine. “I want to be the one to do it.” I’ve never imagined taking a person's life, but for him, I would rejoice in it. I’d revel in giving him the same pain and agony that he gave me.
“You don’t have to. I know plenty of people who would do it on your behalf,” she reassures me, like talking about murdering someone is entirely normal.
“I know, but I want to be the one to watch the life drain from his face. Just like he took my life away from me multiple times.” She only nods at my response, understanding exactly what I need.
Feeling overwhelmed from this conversation, I slowly slide back down on the bed, ready to get some rest again. Lya understands and begins to step up from the bed. “I’ll let you get some rest.” She slowly walks toward the door, but I stop her.
“Could you do me a favor?” She nods instantly, ready to do anything I ask of her. “Could you go get Cohutta for me, please?”
She drops her sad hazel eyes to the floor, her movements hesitant. “What?” I ask. Did something happen to Cohutta? Please let him be okay. I can’t handle any more heartache right now.
Her gaze reluctantly meets mine, and she shakes her head. “Nothing,” she sighs. I know she’s lying, but I don’t have the energy to ask so I wait for her to continue.
“I’ll grab him for you.” She moves, reaching for the door handle. “Tara.” She huffs, like she’s struggling with whatever she’s going to say next. “Each of them has been a mess since you’ve been gone. I didn’t know you were missing at first, but once I did, I didn’t leave their side. I can tell how much all three of them care about you.” My chest tightens at her words. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but even Marnix was an utter chaotic mess. Naturally, I want to fucking murder him and rip him from limb to limb, but he was just as, if notmore, frantic than the other two. He was destroyed, Tara. He looks like death and didn’t sleep until you were found. He fucked up royally, but that man does care about you even if he epically screwed up and deserves to be punished for it. I’m not telling you this to let him in again, but I do want you to know he does care even if it didn’t seem like it.”
If Lya is taking his side, then it must be bad.
I take in what she’s saying and don’t know how to feel. If he cared about me like she says, he never would’ve left me like that. But even as I think that, it doesn’t feel right. I’m not ready to forgive him, and I’m not sure if I ever will, but I trust what she’s saying is true. I believe he does feel remorse, though I’m not sure that correlates to him genuinely caring about me.
She leaves it at that with one last nod and slips out the door.
