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“About people deceiving you. Are you talking from experience?”
He leans back in his chair and folds his arms over his chest. “I just know how people work. Some people will do anything to get what they want, even if that means hurting the people they’re supposed to care about.”
“Has it happened to you?”
“Not personally, but Iknowpeople it’s happened to. I live in L.A. That town is full of people trying to get what they want and not caring who they take down to get it.”
“Sounds like a great place to live,” I kid. “Why do you live there, anyway? Don’t writers usually live in New York? Isn’t that where all the publishers are?”
He unfolds his arms and leans toward me, looking me in the eye. “I know you can’t help but look back and think you should’ve known what your dad was up to, but if you keep thinking that way, you’ll never get past this. What happened is over. You can’t change it, and trying to relive it, wishing you’d been more aware or done something different, doesn’t help anything.”
He avoided my questions. He really doesn’t like talking about himself. Or maybe he’s just being nice, keeping the focus on me in an attempt to help me get past this. Ever since my dad took off, I’ve had this nonstop loop in my head, telling me what I should’ve done, scolding me for not paying enough attention to what was happening around me. Kyle is right. I can’t change the past so why do I keep reliving it?
“I wish I could stop thinking about it,” I say.
“You can. You just need to put all your energy on the future and what you’re going to do to get back to the place you were at before your father came back into your life.”
“I’m trying to but it still keeps me up at night.”
I’ve never told anyone that, not even my mom. I act like everything’s fine, like I no longer think about my dad and what he did, but the truth is, I think about it constantly. The guilt I feel never goes away. I let my dad back into my life, which helped him get back into my mom’s life. If I’d turned him away that day he showed up at my dorm, there’s a chance he would’ve gone away and left us alone. But instead he stuck around.
“It’s not your fault,” Kyle says.
“People keep saying that, but it’s not true. If I’d just gone with my gut and paid more attention and asked the right questions, my dad could’ve been stopped. Instead, he’s on the loose, living off other people’s money. He’s a criminal and I could’ve stopped him but didn’t.”
“You can’t keep doing this, Sage. I’m telling you, you’ll go crazy if you keep playing this game of what-if. You have to accept what happened and move on.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“No. It’s not. But replaying what happened is just giving your dad power over you. He’s still controlling you, controlling how you think and how you feel. Is that what you want? To keep giving him power?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Then don’t. Stop thinking about him, and most of all, stop blaming yourself. People like him are always trying to place the blame on others. They never take responsibility for their actions. So by continuing to blame yourself, you’re letting him continue to manipulate you.”
I hadn’t thought about it that way, but I guess in a way, Iamletting my dad have power over me. I’m taking the blame for what he did, which is exactly what he would want. He was always blaming others for his actions. Never taking responsibility. If he were ever caught and put in prison, I’m sure he’d blame my mom and me for why he stole from people. He’d say he was trying to provide for us. To be a good father and husband. He’d never admit the truth, which is that he’s a lying, manipulative, selfish person who uses people for his own personal gain.
It’s time I accept that and stop making excuses for him. He may be my father, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good person.
CHAPTERNINE
KYLE
“Thanks,”Sage says.
“For what?”
“Telling me all that. I needed to hear it.”
I just nod. I’ve said enough. I don’t want her figuring out that what I said applies to me just as much as it does to her.
If she only knew the truth. How similar our experiences are, except mine is so much worse. If my father had only stolen money….shit, I’d be doing a fucking happy dance. I’d still have my life. I’d still have a home. I’d still be able to see my little brother. But instead, I’m stuck in this shitty small town in the middle of nowhere.
“Do you want to go inside?” Sage asks. “I have some cake we could have for dessert. Nina’s aunt owns the bakery in town. She’s always giving me free stuff. I’m surprised I don’t weigh five hundred pounds.” She lets out a laugh; a soft, sweet laugh I could listen to all day.
This girl…she’s driving me crazy. Not in a bad way, but in a way that gets my heart thumping harder than it should be when I’m just sitting here having dinner. She’s had this effect on me since I met her and it’s freaking annoying. I’m not here to meet a girl and I’m definitely not available for a relationship. In fact, that would be the worst thing I could do right now, or any time in the foreseeable future. Right now I need to be focused on getting my brother out of my father’s house. That’s my number one priority.
Scratch that. Saving Cain is priority number two. Priority number one is staying alive; not being found and not being killed so that I can go back and get Cain.
