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Chapter Twenty
Tonight, was the night. Claudia and Austin had a date and Claudia had decided she would take the chance with Austin if he still wanted her. She had to understand if he wasn’t interested after all this time., didn’t she? She was at the door and couldn’t go through it. Austin had gotten an apartment in town away from his family. He wanted to celebrate by having her come over. She shouldn’t be so nervous he had let her have the ultimate decision where he lived.
What made it worse was that Claudia felt like the whole town was going with them. How many times today had she gotten a thumbs up in the market and a loving pat in the bakery from a woman she couldn’t even remember her name. However, the woman remembered Claudia
‘don’t’ blow it dear, he’s a keeper.’
It was statements like that and knowing nods that had haunted Claudia all day long. Claudia truly felt as if the town were going on this date with her. As a result, when she was dressed and in front of the mirror before she should be heading out to the car, she was still their twenty minutes later frozen.
“I understand wanting to make sure you look alright but this looking at yourself in the mirror like you are playing that kiddie games who’s going to blink first. I think that is a bit much,” Tamara said trying to lighten up the mood.
“I don’t think I can do it. You know what if he decides that me saying I’m sorry isn’t enough. What if he’s hurt and wants to hurt me back in public, what if – “
“What if you stop making excuses and do something here. Take yourself out the door and whatever happens will happen.”
“Well, if that is your rah-rah speech, I want to tell you that you shouldn’t give it too often. It’s that inspiring,” Claudia said. Looking in the mirror she shook off the nervousness and straighten her back up. Okay I’m going.”
Tamara was sitting on the couch looking at her.
“If you put a little more base in your voice I might believe you.”
“Really?” Claudia murmured.
“Listen you are going to Austin’s new place that you basically designed to find out if you and him have a future.”
“Tamara I’m so scared that I let my fears push him away, hurt him and now here I am saying I’m ready. I wouldn’t have messed up so bad if he hadn’t affected me so much. He makes me feel like a woman. Like someone who is treasured and cared for.”
“You are all of those things Claudia what made you think otherwise.”
“I guess sometimes I still hear the words of my ex. He would say there was some thing wrong with me that would make him hurt me,” Claudia whispered.
Tamara got up and grabbed Claudia’s hands in hers.
“I may not know everything, but I do know that you are not the reason for your ex’s bad behavior. That was just him trying not to accept his responsibility in your relationship.”
“I want – I want a....”
“A guarantee,” Tamara completed for her. “You and every other woman as well. It doesn’t happen like that for any of us, but we have to trust ourselves that this time we’ve learned from the other times and applied it to our current situation.”
“Okay I’m ready as I’ll ever be. Wish me luck,” Claudia said.
“You don’t need luck you have your heart, and it won’t lead you wrong,” Tamara said as she opened the door and walked Claudia out.
* * *
“Ithink I’m physicallysick,” Austin said as Sasha helped him ready the pasta for tonight. “I should have taken her to a restaurant. I don’t want her to think I expect anything to happen tonight I could still reservations to the – “
Sasha slapped his hand.
“After all of the time I spent in this kitchen today, someone is going to be eating paste tonight,” she declared.
“I know, I know. I just want everything to go right. If it doesn’t, I think she will – “
