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I turn to Gio for answers, but what I see does nothing but add to my mounting panic, especially when he curses under his breath as though he’s seen his friend fall into this state before.
I look back to Luce, who is now pacing, still mumbling incoherent words under his breath as he flicks a pocketknife open and closed with his good hand. He reaches up and begins pulling at the roots of his hair with the other hand, the rough arm cast tangling the midnight strands with his movements. The tension in the room feels palpable, a tangible thing that feels like road rash on my skin.
“What do we do?” I whisper to Gio.
“I think he stayed awake while we slept, probably did a shit load of coke too, and now his mind is practically unreachable.Fuck, I should have known this would happen especially since he cut himself while you were showering. He’s self-destructing.”
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
“The last time he got like this, he set fire to his childhood house and did three years in the penitentiary.” Gio says mostly to himself as he slowly walks toward the drawers, pulling guns out and taking them to the safe in his closet.
Now I’m freaking out. Is Luce a danger to us? My mind and heart scream a giantfuck no. I know danger, and while I have no doubt that Luce could slaughter a fucking room of people without hesitation, I also know within the depth of my soul that he’d never do anything to hurt me.
Not to me, but to himself,my mind achingly whispers.
I climb from the bed, my heart beating painfully in my chest as my eyes land on the large self-inflicted cut on the inside of Luce’s forearm.
“Everything you do to yourself, I’ll do it to myself,” I growl loudly, snagging the knife out of his hand and bringing it to my forearm.
As his eyes finally focus on me, his mind connecting my words to my actions, I drag the blade downward in a quick motion. I hiss as a long line from my elbow to my wrist opens, shallow enough to be superficial but deep enough to drip blood to the floor.
“Lexi!” Gio gasps as he comes out of the closet, but I ignore his worry as I growl at Luce.
“Now both of our bodies are in your hands, Luce. What will it be, huh? Because as far as I’m concerned, we are a family, and when one of us falls, we all fall.”
I hope like hell my words reach him, make him understand that when he hurts, I hurt, and that includes anything he does purposely to himself. Pain is inevitable, depression and mental turmoil are a fucked-up part of this life and that’s unfortunate, so when you have people or even just one person who stands beside you no matter what, you take them into consideration. After all, if they’re the real ones…it won’t just be you rotting in the grave.
Luce stares at me with a mixture of anger and fear. Gio stands frozen, his eyes locked on my bleeding arm and knife clutching hand. My heart pounds behind my ribs as time seems to come to a standstill until Luce breaks it.
He rushes toward me, his hand cupping the back of my head a split second before his lips smash against mine in a harsh and unyielding kiss. My mind stutters, confusion freezing me in my spot as I watch Luce’s eyes close. I don’t understand what’s happening, I only meant to break him out of his spiral and bring him back to us. I knew he wanted me, wanted something with both Gio and me, but with everything that has happened, I didn’t think that’d be on his mind. In the darkness of losing his sister in the most brutal way, I never considered this would be what he’d want.
I don’t have time to consider whether this is right or not because Luce pulls my body tighter to his and moans so deeply that the sound burns its way to my core. I’m a fucking goner.
My eyes slip closed, my body melting as our lips mold together. We fit as perfectly as me and Gio do, but where Gio kisses me like I’m the one and only star in his dark sky, Luce kisses me with desperation, like I’m the last cup of water in hell.
He’s rough, unwilling to lose even one drop of what I have to offer, and I love every brutal second of it. Letting the knife fall to the floor, I wrap my arms around his neck as our teeth bang against each other’s, our tongues surging forward to touch without hesitance. It’s as though we’ve waited for this moment for a lifetime, like our mouths belong against one another.
I feel the press of Gio’s chest against my back, his rough fingers coming up to move my hair aside before his lips touch my neck, and my whole world shatters around me, rebuilding into something new and more vibrant. It’s a sensory overload, and I feel as though my brain is overflowing with endorphins, creating an analgesic effect that hits me better than any painkiller ever could.
Months ago, I would have felt fear so profound that my mind would have shut down had I been caged in like this by two powerful men.
Now though, I feel whole and complete with both ofmymen touching me, kissing me like I’m the only thing keeping them afloat in this world. Funny because it’sthemwho keep me here. It’sthemthat pushed me to survive…all so that I’d make it to this moment right here.
Of course, I didn’t know I’d have them both like this. I’ve never been so egotistical to think I’d have more than Gio because at the time, Gio has always been enough for me, but now, with Luce’s lips against mine and Gio’s against my skin, my body squeezed between them…I can’t see myself without either of them.
After all, you know what they say,good things always come in twos.
Luce swallows down my squeal when Gio lifts me by the back of my thighs, my legs automatically wrapping around his best friend’s waist. I break the kiss -reluctantly- to look at Gio over my shoulder, but his lips come crashing down on mine in a head-spinning kiss. The mix of their individual tastes sends my heart into palpitations, making it beat erratically against the cage of my ribs. It’s like dusk and dawn coming together into one glorious moment.
Luce’s lips glide down my jaw and neck, licking and biting softly as Gio attacks my mouth, swallowing my moans before pulling back all too soon, leaving a suddenly cold reality in his place.What am I doing?
“As badly as I -we- want this,” He runs a thumb across my bottom lip as Luce kisses the corner of my mouth, “we will stop right now if you don’t want to continue.”
I stare into his eyes, relieved to see no judgment there.
“I-I,” I stutter, my cheeks flaming when I dip my head, “I want this more than anything, but I think it’s best if you both have time to heal.”
Luce sets me on my feet softly before gripping my chin, his thumb pulling my bottom lip down before looking up at Gio, who stands behind me still.
“Fine, but when I finally do have you, I’m taking more than my fair share. One just isn’t enough,” His brow cocks in a seductive challenge before he looks back down at me, “ain’t that right, sweetness?”
