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Finn stayed focused on the view outside. “Lauren and I went to the same prep school, but she’s younger than me. I saw her around at parties back then—this was before my father had an affair with her Aunt Camille.
“Lauren was a party girl; always drunk, stoned, or on ecstasy. Her parents died in a plane accident when she was young, and Camille was her guardian. After Camille started an affair with my father, she was a lot less attentive of Lauren.”
He turned to Colleen. “Do you remember that summer my mom and I didn’t come to California?”
“Yes,” she answered in a quiet voice, her eyes wide, trusting. He hoped after he finished telling her this story, that trust would still be there.
“I had just finished my second year at Columbia. I knew my father was fucking around on my mom. I tried to ignore it by doing some heavy partying in those days. My father called me and said he and Camille were going to the Hamptons for the weekend. He wanted me to take Lauren to her high school graduation party at the Hastings Hotel in Midtown. If I didn’t cooperate, he said he’d cut off my allowance.” Finn rubbed his jaw. “I had a huge allowance, and that money was essential to my party lifestyle.”
He walked to the couch and took a seat, leaning his arms on his thighs, not looking at Colleen. “Anyway, I went over to Camille’s penthouse to pick up Lauren. I hired a car, but I was late and already drinking. She was angry at first, but then told me she was happy we were finally dating.”
Finn lifted his eyes to Colleen. “I swear to God, I never wanted to date her. She was eighteen then, but she was out of control.”
“What happened on this date?” Colleen asked.
“We were supposed to go to the hotel party, but Lauren nixed that idea. She wanted me to take her to a fraternity party.” Finn shook his head and with a sarcastic snicker said, “There was no way I was going to take her to one of those parties. She was furious, but I told her it was the graduation party or nothing. After arguing, she finally agreed. The party was heavily chaperoned, so I thought once I dropped her off, I would go to a frat party and then come back later, pick her up, and take her home.”
Finn’s chest tightened with anxiety as he prepared to continue.
“What happened next?”
“I waited until she was surrounded by her friends on the dance floor and then took off. I went to my fraternity house. I got drunk, did some coke, and fucked.”
He lifted his eyes to Colleen, her expression difficult to read. It nauseated him to think how he’d treated women like garbage.
Finn turned his attention to focus on the floor. “I drank a lot of Jameson in those days. That was the last time I drank whiskey. I passed out in my room. When I woke up there were two naked girls in bed with me.” It was going to be difficult to admit the next part of this story, but he needed to be fully honest with Colleen. In a strained whisper he said, “I didn’t even know their names.”
Silence hung heavy in the air. Finally, Colleen said, “Tell me the rest.”
“In a panic, I remembered I had to get back to the hotel. I got dressed, left the frat house, and got into the waiting car. It was three o’clock in the morning. The driver had tried to call me, but eventually fell asleep in the car. By the time I got to The Hastings Hotel, everyone was gone. I tried to call Lauren, but her mailbox was full. I went back to Camille’s penthouse, but Lauren wasn’t there, either. I didn’t know her friends or any other way to contact her. I called the police and even a few hospitals, but they wouldn’t give me any information because I’m not a relative.” Guilt rippled through Finn like a cold wave as he recalled that horrible night. “I waited at Camille’s. I figured maybe Lauren would come home, and I would go back to my own life.” He laughed bitterly. “Lauren didn’t come back to the penthouse, but my father did.”
Colleen took Finn’s hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. “I want to know.” Her eyes filled with compassion.
Finn scrubbed his face with his other hand and let out a weary sigh. “I fell asleep on Camille’s couch. I woke up when the front door slammed. Camille and my father had returned. I was still drunk when he pulled me to my feet and punched me in the face. The motherfucker broke my nose. Camille was beside herself, screaming at me.”
“What happened to Lauren?”
“Camille got a call from a hospital in Brooklyn. A witness found Lauren in a park with three boys surrounding her. They were most likely boys from the school dance, but they took off without the witness getting a license plate number or a clear description. Lauren was unconscious when the paramedics brought her to the hospital. The toxicology report showed someone had put a roofie in her drink. She had scratches and bruises, and she could have been raped if the witness hadn’t been there to stop it.”
Finn paused before sharing the most difficult part of this story. “I fucked up big time,” he said, unable to look at Colleen. “Lauren not only could have been raped, but she could have been killed. The fact that she wasn’t raped was pure luck. I should have protected her, but I didn’t. I’m responsible for what happened to her that night.” He would carry the guilt of his behavior and poor decisions for the rest of his life.
“What happened next?”
“After Lauren was released from the hospital, she recuperated at Camille’s home in the Hamptons. Her drug and alcohol problems soon became evident, and to avoid a scandal, she was sent to a rehab clinic in Switzerland and then to a private college in France. Camille assumed Lauren would be properly groomed and ready to marry an unsuspecting rich man.”
“She’s better now?”
Finn shrugged. “She looked healthy today, but I have no idea. This is the first I’ve seen her since then.”
“What kept you from coming to California that summer?”
Finn let go of her hand and got to his feet, resuming his position at the window with his back to her. “My father refused to let us use his jet,” he said, recalling how vindictive his father had been withholding their annual trip. “He knew how much my mom and I enjoyed being with your family, so of course, he wouldn’t let us go. He also cut off my allowance. Without money, I couldn’t party like I was used to. He created new terms. He agreed to pay for my tuition, but I had to move out of the frat house and live with my mother. I love my mom, but it was humiliating to move back home.”
“Attending an elite university and living in a Manhattan penthouse doesn’t sound like a hardship to me,” Colleen said quietly.
Finn nodded and turned to her. “It’s not. I blamed myself for what happened to Lauren. It was a wake-up call. I stopped heavy drinking and doing drugs. But without an allowance, I couldn’t take a girl on a date.”
“You could’ve gotten a part-time job,” she said, her tone was casual, but it underscored what someone from Colleen’s background had known for a long time: If you want something, you have to be prepared to sacrifice and fight for it.
