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This was unexpected. She recalled how her dad had come to her room to see if she was okay. He must have suspected something was wrong, and he did what he had to do to keep her safe. Her tears flowed again. She wanted her dad back to hear his reassuring voice and his wise insights. Colleen wiped away her tears. “He tried to protect me.”
“He would have done anything to keep you from harm. Your father loved you so much, Colleen. He would be very proud of you giving this statement.”
Colleen nodded. “It’s going to be difficult, but I’ll have my family with me.”
They sat in silence for a moment.
“I talked to Molly yesterday.” Her mom patted Colleen’s hand. “She said Finn’s getting his strength back, but he’s been holed up in his room.”
She recalled his bedroom with the posters, trophies, and the Irish mythology book on his nightstand. It was where they first made love. Did he think about it too? Overwhelming loss twisted her stomach. “I love him,” she said quietly.
“I know you do, sweetheart. Your father and I recognized the signs a long time ago, but we never wanted to interfere.”
“But he broke up with me. He thinks if we’re not together, I’ll be safer. But what good is being safe, if we’re both miserable?” she said with a cynical laugh.
“Your father was an incredible romantic.” Her mom’s smile was melancholy. “It’s probably because of all those medieval romances he read, but he believed true love would always prevail. So be patient. It’s not just about you. Finn is working through issues with his father as well.”
She couldn’t disagree with that logic. Since getting shot, Finn needed to address the deeper wounds about his father he’d kept hidden. “Has Patrick tried to contact him?”
Her mom nodded. “Molly said he’s reached out to Finn through his attorney, but Finn won’t talk to him. Apparently, Patrick’s devastated by the shooting.”
Colleen recalled everything Finn had told her about his father; the cruelty and the abuse. “I don’t believe it. He’s incapable of caring about anyone but himself.”
“I hope Finn can find a way to—”
“Forgive him?” Colleen said, her voice rising in anger. “I don’t think Patrick’s worth the effort.”
“That’s not what I was going to say,” her mom said with a raised brow. “I hope Finn can find a way to forgive himself.”
Colleen closed her mouth, silenced by her mom’s honesty.
With a heavy sigh, her mom continued, “Patrick came from an abusive, alcoholic family. He spent more time with the Murphys than he did with his own family; they practically adopted him. He was the only one of his five siblings to go to college. Patrick paid for his tuition by working on construction crews. He was dazzled by all the high rises in Manhattan and was determined to be successful, no matter what. He married the prettiest girl in his college class, had a son, and went on to become rich.”
“So, what happened?” Colleen asked. “How did he achieve all his dreams and become such a monster?”
Her mom shook her head slowly. “The Patrick O’Connor I first met wasn’t like that. He was brash and overly confident, but he was a good friend to us. Unfortunately, the richer he became, the more he distanced himself from his old friends. He would never make enough money to feed his insecurities. Patrick achieved all his dreams, but he neglected his wife and son. Your father always defended him, though. I guess he remembered a different Patrick; someone who had to prove to everyone that he was a success. And of course, you know the rest. He put his own needs before those of his family.” Her mom gave a small tilt of her head. “Finn has to figure how to live his life outside of Patrick’s shadow.”
Until now, Colleen only considered her own pain of losing Finn. She wished she could be with him now to offer support. He had atoned for much of what his father had done and didn’t need to carry the burden of guilt any longer.
“And sweetheart?” her mom asked.
Colleen lifted her face to her mom’s, those crystal blue eyes filled with love for her daughter.
“I know you want to be with Finn right now,” her mom said with a warm smile, “but he needs to figure this out for himself.” Her mom brushed Colleen’s hair out of her face like she used to as a little girl, calming her down. “As far as I’m concerned, I think you have to put your needs before anyone else’s right now. Giving your impact statement should be your priority right now. Once that’s over, you can focus on the rest. If your father were here, I’m sure he would agree with me.”
Colleen held her gaze and nodded in silence, blinking back a few tears. She had finally been able to confront her trauma and share her story with her mom. But her mom was right. No matter how much she missed Finn, Colleen had to focus on the task in front of her. “Okay, I can do that.” She let her mom pull her in for a huge hug.
****
While Colleen stayed with her mom, she helped sort through her dad’s clothes and belongings, deciding which items to keep and what to donate. They laughed and cried together as they shared stories about their family.
Her mom reached into the back of the closet and removed her dad’s beige shawl collar cardigan sweater, with leather elbows. It was his favorite sweater to wear when he was working at his desk. But that had been years ago—before he had his stroke and couldn’t teach anymore. Her mom gathered it close to her. “I can’t throw this away.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Then don’t.” She gave her mom a hug, glad she could be here and offer her support. “Keep this part of Dad with you for as long as you want to.”
They took long walks together in the morning, talking about everything they never had the time to do before. She’d forgotten how funny her mom was; her dad’s stroke had an impact on the entire family, but especially her mom. She was going back to work soon, accepting a part-time position in the neonatal unit.
“Is that a good idea? I mean,” Colleen hesitated for a moment, “after what happened to Saoirse?”
