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Colleen was a little embarrassed to be put on the spot to discuss ancient pee-pees, but she’d think of something. She did a quick review of her knowledge of classical sculpture and remembered an important distinction.
William leaned in to whisper, “We’re waiting.”
“You know what?” She pointed to Mimi. “That is an excellent question, Mimi. The ancient Greeks had countless images of nude men in sculpture and on vases: warriors, rulers, and athletes. Most of these are shown with small…um…appendages.”
Several more museum visitors gathered around, they probably assumed Colleen was a museum docent.
“The Greeks believed a nude body in heroic pose was the epitome of ideal beauty. The depiction of a large…” She hesitated because she almost blurted out pee-pee.
“Phallus?” Ralph suggested in a loud stage-whisper.
Laughter rippled through the group. A few more visitors joined them.
“Yes. Thank you, Ralph.” She was grateful for the prompt for an alternative term for pee-pee or penis. “A large phallus was considered grotesque and barbaric. Satyrs—the half-man and half-beast—were typically shown with large phalluses because they lacked the self-control so important to ancient Greeks. In other words, a small, flaccid phallus equals the epitome of man’s higher self. Consider the philosophers and how they valued reason above man’s more base behavior. In contrast, the large phallus is a reminder of man’s lack of reason and self-control.” Colleen came up with the perfect example. “Think of wild bacchanals in the forest, lots of drinking and wild sex.”
“Yes, please!” a man shouted in the back. Laughter rose up in the hall.
“So…yeah,” Colleen said, scanning the group. “That’s all I know.”
The crowd broke out into spontaneous applause.
Colleen grinned and gave the small, but enthusiastic, audience a bow. This impromptu lecture had been more fun than teaching a classroom of college students.
A petite blonde pushed her way to the front. “Hi. My name is Kayla. I thought this was great. It was so different from the stuffy lectures I usually hear at museums. Do you do private tours?”
“No, I’m here as a visitor with a small group.”
“Too bad. I’m getting married in a few months, and I was hoping you’d consider giving a private tour for my bachelorette party. I mean, the stuff about penises would be so much fun.”
“I’m sorry.” Colleen was flattered, but bewildered. There was a lot more to learn about art than penises. “It’s a great idea, though.”
“Well, here’s my card, in case you change your mind.” Kayla handed her the card and left.
“You should do it.” Daisy gave Colleen a nudge.
“Seriously?” Colleen asked, tucking Kayla’s card into her purse.
“Absolutely. You’re a natural.”
“Thanks, but I’m a teacher, not a docent.”
CHAPTER 29
COLLEEN
After a restroom break, the group boarded the minibus and they were on their way back to Stony Brook.
Colleen looked out the window at the gathering clouds. It had been partly cloudy this morning, but now the sky was filled with roiling dark clouds.
“Looks like a big thunderstorm is on the way,” Daisy said. “We’ll be home by the time it hits.”
“Do you think it will be a bad one?” Colleen’s stomach knotted at the thought of thunder and lightning.
Daisy gave a shrug. “Maybe.” She took a closer look at Colleen. “I guess you don’t have many summer storms in Los Angeles, do you?”
“No. In fact, thunderstorms are rare.” Storms were a fact of life in New York, and if she lived here, she would have to get used to them.
“I hope it won’t be too bad. I hate it when the power goes out for hours. Be sure to keep a flashlight handy, just in case.”
