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“Just thought I was a dumbass?” Dylan questions and now I feel horrible.
“No, not a dumbass, not at all. I just thought you didn’t go to college when we first met. There’s a lot we’re learning about each other now. We could’ve avoided this if we had talked more rather than having all that sex.”
We both laugh a little and I really hope I haven’t insulted him. The more we talk and the more time we spend together, it’s clear that we have a lot in common and it has nothing to do with him going to college or having a degree.
“Yes, Tessa, we went over this before, I went to college and graduated with a double major in business and marketing, but I never got a chance to use it. The opportunity presented itself with the whole sex toy thing and I jumped on it. It’s literally every business major’s dream to sell an idea to a large corporation and I did it two months before I was set to graduate.”
“Now you really have me intrigued. Are you going to tell me the story or do I need to start begging?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him in a playful glare.
“My college roommate likes to joke that I owe him half since the idea came from something he was working on, but he’s full of shit. It was all me.”
“Oh, he’s jealous.” I push my bottom lip out and Dylan leans over to give it a little nip with his teeth.
“Don’t worry about him. He’s doing just fine. Took over his father’s veterinarian practice.”
“I’d say the two of you did pretty well then, huh?”
“Yep.”
“Now get to the damn story, Dylan!” I bite out, growing antsy with anticipation and a little bored with all this small talk.
“A good story takes time, Tessa,” Dylan jokingly shames, but he exhales hard and shakes his head. “Fine, here it is. My roommate was obviously going to school to be a vet and he had taken in this litter of kittens that had been abandoned by their mother.”
“Oh, that’s so sweet. You guys had kittens living with you?”
“Yes, Tessa, two manly guys were bottle feeding baby kittens.”
“I think I’m falling for you,” I say in a sing-song voice that only makes Dylan laugh.
“I was working on my final project for one of my last business classes. It was to invent something, create a prototype and develop a marketing plan.”
“I have no idea where this is going. You made a sex toy for your business final?” I question, my teeth clenched.
“Fuck no!” Dylan calls out. “I invented a tongue that mimics the licking of the mother cat to help soothe motherless kittens. It was all about helping the kittens and somehow it ended up in the hands of one of the biggest producers of sex toys and the rest is history.”
I immediately burst out laughing even though I told him I would try not to. But how could I not laugh? He was trying to make a difference. He was trying to help animals.
“Oh my god, you ended up helping the wrong pussies!” I yell out, laughing so hard I can barely contain myself. The tears are streaming down my cheeks at the hilarity of this situation.
Poor Dylan really thought he was doing something great. He was helping the kittens his roommate took in with the hope that one day his invention would catch on and be used in shelters all over the world, but now it’s a dirty little secret in the nightstand drawer of women everywhere.
“So tell me, you invented the tongue in the…” I pause, waiting for him to fill in the missing piece.
“Yes, I accidently invented a sex toy that mimics cuninglingus.”
Now I’m laughing even harder at his use of the term cuninglingus. This conversation just keeps on getting better and better.
“Is that how you marketed it?” I ask, wondering if he can even understand me with how hard I’m laughing, but have to say, he has now joined me. I’m pretty sure it was the pussy joke that got him.
“I didn’t ever market it this way. In class when I had to present it, I did the whole kittens angle, which of course got tons of coos from the ladies. But my professor had brought in a few people who worked with companies and in the past, they had selected some of the inventions and helped the students get deals. I never expected they’d take an interest in mine.” He shrugs, like he’s still shocked that this is his life.
“But they didn’t want it for the kittens though, huh?”
“Nope and I gotta say, I was super hurt. I thought it was a kickass invention and our kittens were loving it. But I guess it was meant to be something else, because not a single shelter or vet’s office had any interest, so off it went to make the other pussies happy, as you put it.”
“Awww, babe, I’m really proud of you for trying to help the kitties. It’s seriously such a sweet story and I wish it would’ve worked out that way.”
“I really wanted it to be something that made a difference,” Dylan says, sounding a little defeated.
