AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Gray
Jonah and Victor walk to the market a few blocks away to get ingredients for dinner, while Ethan and I drink scotch and watch the news in semi-companionable silence. I appreciate what Ethan did for Victor, but we’ve never gotten on, always a wall between us. Now that I have my own chaos gremlin to take care of, he suddenly seems older and wiser than me.
Halfway through a story about the largest rat spotted in the city since the ‘90s, I mute the TV. “How do you do it?”
He frowns, waiting for me to explain.
“They’re impossible and wild and we’re just boring guys who worry too much. But you two are still together.”
He smiles a little, keeping his eyes on the screen, not bothering to take offense at my description. “You’re his home,” he says slowly, after thinking about it for a minute. “No matter how far he roams, you make sure he knows that you aren’t going anywhere. If he’s like Victor, no one else has ever wanted him like that.”
I turn the remote over in my hand. “What if I’m not strong enough?”
“When they know you love them, they give you absolutely everything, all of themselves, and that’s where we get our strength.” He shrugs, looking a little embarrassed, like he’s not sure where all that came from.
Before I can answer, the front door blows open and the two guys wander in, red-faced from the cold. Jonah flashes me a smile as he starts preparing the burgers for dinner, heating up the stove as he unloads ciabatta buns and ground meat and sweet potatoes. As he cooks, Victor sits on the counter with all his limbs wrapped around Ethan and watches carefully, an old habit. Jonah doesn’t question it, just pushes a bowl and spoon over to him. “Make the burger patties for me and drop them on the pan to sear.” Victor must like him a lot, because he does it without a single snarky comment.
As much as I hate the thought, it’s another way Jonah reminds me of Colson. Everyone in the room gravitates to him, like moths around a flame. Leaving the three of them to it, I get up and go to the bathroom. That’s where I start to unravel, staring into the mirror with a bar of Ivory soap just sitting half-lathered in my hands.
Today went so beautifully, Jonah’s first date with a man, something I certainly didn’t deserve to claim. I’ve taken one step into the unknown and I’m already falling. I need everything to be quiet and controlled again, anchored by the certainty of loneliness. I need to know that I could walk away and no one would be there to give a shit.
When I return to the living room, the guys have established themselves on the couch with dinner and more duvets from downstairs, the opening credits of a horror film paused on the TV. Jonah goes alert as soon as he sees the look on my face. “Sit still for a minute,” he orders in a quiet voice when I lower myself onto the cushion next to him.
Chocolate-colored eyes full of concentration, he unbuttons my shirt, letting his thumb linger tenderly along my collarbone. Then he pulls the duvet over our laps. “Rest your head on me,” he murmurs, setting a plate with a burger on his knee. “That’s yours.”
As Victor starts the film, Jonah picks up a sweet potato fry and tries to slip it into my mouth. I grab his wrist, take the fry away, and feed it to myself. “Nice try.”
He just smiles, and I realize I did exactly what he wanted me to do. Even so, I let my weight relax into his sturdy body, my ear against his shoulder, and pick away at the food while the on-screen family moves into the definitely-not-demon-possessed house. Jonah lets me be, focusing on the TV, not cuddling or kissing me. For the first time in days, I can feel my energy charging instead of draining, lost in the slow rise and fall of his breathing and that incredible smell of freshly mown grass that clings to his skin even in the tail end of autumn.
Eventually, I slide my hand across the cushion under the blanket and find his. I flip it over and weave our fingers together. He sighs, his grip tightening.
At the very first jump scare, so painfully obvious I knew it was coming a minute in advance, Jonah jolts so hard he almost hurts my neck. I can feel his heart pounding through my cheek. He concentrates, pretending it didn’t happen, but his palm gets sweatier as the eerie atmosphere builds. The movie’s fucking awful, and none of us even flinch when the demon drops from the ceiling and screams in the woman’s face. Except Jonah. He twitches all over with a tiny yelp.
“Are you scared?” I whisper, watching him try to catch his breath.
He scoffs. “Of course not. It’s a cheesy movie.”
“Alright. Just checking.” As the woman hunts through her basement with a flashlight, Jonah’s whole body goes rigid, flinching every time she turns around.
“Are you scared yet?”
His jaw juts stubbornly as he shakes his head.
“Have you ever watched a scary movie before?”
Another shake, this one slower. Something falls over in the basement, a fake jump scare, and he croaksfuckunder his breath.
“Come on.” Sitting up, I slide in behind him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him into my chest.
“Oh, soyou’rescared,” he snarks, voice shaky. As the demon looms up behind the woman, music swelling, he closes his eyes.
“Are you sure?” I murmur.
He nods, eyes still shut. “I’m fine.”
I put my mouth to his ear. “I think it’s safe to look now.”
He lifts his face just as the demon lunges at the camera, jumping so hard he almost falls off the couch. “JesusfuckingChristIhateyou.”
