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“He loved me, and I loved him.”
“Yeah, you really loved him.That’s why you left him.”
“I made a mistake, okay?”She placed her hand against her forehead.“You don’t think I don’t think about it every single day of my life?But I’m back now, and I’m sorry.And I want him back.I want my old life back.I want to be a mom.I—”
I rolled my eyes.
“Is this for real?Are there hidden cameras somewhere?”I shook my head.“I really don’t have time for this bullshit.”
“Your dad never remarried, right?”she said softly.I bit down on my lower lip to keep myself from responding.
Stefano answered instead.“No, he never remarried.But it’s not like he’s been celibate.In fact, he’s dating someone now.”
“Yeah,” I added.“Annie is amazing.And she’s young, and she’s hot, and she gives him lap dances every night.And Dad has never been happier.He doesn’t want to go back to someone like you again.”
She stared at me for a few seconds and nodded.
“I understand why you’re hurt.And I understand why you hate me.But this Annie can’t give your dad what I can.”
“And what’s that?”I asked her, scoffing.
“Love and a family.”
I stared at her for a few seconds, then shook my head.“This is absolutely fucking ridiculous.You don’t know the first thing about love.”
“And you do?”she asked me softly.“What about you, Stefano?Are either of you married?Do you have kids?Do I have grandkids?Are you in relationships?”
“I’m not in a relationship,” Stefano said.
“Neither am I.”I stared at her.
“And what about Sergio and Santino?”
“None of us are in relationships.”
“Oh,” she said softly, looking down at the table.“Well, maybe—”
“Well, maybe nothing,” I said, jumping up.“Do you know why none of us are in relationships?Because none of us want to end up with a fucking bitch like you.None of us want our whole lives to be torn apart because of a selfish cunt.”
I could see everyone in the diner staring at me.I hadn’t realized I’d been shouting.Stefano jumped up and looked at me.
“Sam, it’s okay.She’s still our mom.You can’t …”
“I know you want to forgive her, and I know you want to forget.And I know this is hard, Stefano.And I know this is a fucking shitty-ass position to be in, but I have to speak my truth.You fucking ruined our family, Patti.And if you think you can just come back here and start over as if nothing happened, well, you can’t.I've been thinking about this a lot recently, and you messed us up.None of us are in happy relationships.None of us are in relationships at all.None of us has even been in a serious relationship.And you know why?It’s because of you.Okay?And you can’t fix it.No one can fix it.”
I thought about Valentina, and about how hurt she’d been when she told me to leave.And I thought about how upset and guilty I felt when I’d seen her face.
This whole situation was messed up.I was messed up and didn’t even know if what I felt for Valentina was real, if it was just a bust, or if it was just a job.Because I didn’t know how to process my feelings.I didn’t know what love felt like.I didn’t know how to distinguish it from lust.And I didn’t know how to have a real and proper relationship because I’d never been taught that.And it scared the shit out of me.
And I realized at that moment that I didn’t want the life I was living.I didn’t want the life that my dad had.I didn’t want to go from woman to woman anymore.I wanted to be free of all this.
“I don’t know about you, Stefano, but I’m ready to move on from this.And moving on means not having you in my life.This is goodbye, Patti.This is goodbye forever.”
