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CHAPTER13
At least a hundred different people were walking down the same sidewalk as I was, and I didn’t care to even look at any of them.All I could think about was how my mother had the audacity to ask to come back into our lives.How she had the audacity to even suggest that my father would give her another chance.It made me sick to my stomach, yet seeing her face reminded me of when I was a little boy.It reminded me of when she’d taken me to the toy store and bought me a truck.She told me that one day I could grow up to be whatever I wanted, and I’d said I’d wanted to be a policeman.I still remember the look in her eyes as she smiled at me and rubbed my head.
“Just remember, Sam,” she said, “there are no limitations on what you can do with your life.”
It was weird that the same woman who had such faith and trust in me ended up leaving me.We hadn’t heard anything from her until recently.Every year, I’d waited for a birthday card, a Christmas gift, or some sort of note … yet nothing.A part of me had wondered if my dad was just hiding them.And so, when I turned eighteen, I’d gone up to him, and said, “Dad, I’m an adult now.I want to know the truth.Give me whatever Mom has sent to us.”And he just looked at me with a sad expression on his face.And at that moment, I knew he hadn’t hidden anything.There’d been nothing to hide.Our mother had moved on with her life, and we were nothing to her anymore.I had my brothers, and I had my dad, and I was in charge of making sure they were all okay.I was in charge of making sure that the business didn’t fail.
I thought about Valentina then and stopped.
“Hey, watch where you’re going!”an angry man yelled as he brushed past me, his shoulders bumping into me hard.I was about to grab him and tell him to watch where he was going, but I knew I’d been in the wrong.You didn’t just stop dead in the middle of the street in New York City without expecting trouble.I stepped back and just stood there and watched the people going by.An elderly lady was carrying a little Chihuahua under her arm.She was whispering something to it as she hobbled down the street.I could tell that the dog was her best friend.And then two girls in short skirts and pink and purple hair laughed about something.They were in the prime of their lives.Rebels.Probably had rich fathers who could take care of them when they decided to come out of that phase.And then a Wall Street banker with his briefcase in hand, muttering something into his phone about sell now, sell now.I chuckled to myself.I knew as well as anyone that the stock market was a fool’s game.No one really knew when to buy low and sell high.The numbers were arbitrary and changed day by day.People had made millions and lost those same millions months later.
And then one lone, beautiful girl with long blond hair.She looked sad.She walked past me and looked at me.She offered me a weak smile, and I smiled back.I noticed that her eyes were bloodshot, and there was dry snot around her nose.She’d been crying.“You okay?”I asked her softly, stepping forward.She stopped, looked at me, and nodded.
“Thank you for asking.”
“No worries,” I said.
“Most people don’t actually engage in New York.So it’s a big deal,” she said.“Thank you.”
“I’m guessing you’re not used to being here?”
“No.”She laughed.“I’m from Montana.Came here to find myself and make it on Broadway.”
“And how’s that going?”
“I think my bloodshot eyes give it away.”She shrugged.“Director just told me I’m too fat, too ugly.”
“Wait, what?I’m sorry, I’m obviously not a Broadway director, but you are beautiful, and you’re definitely not too fat.”
“Thanks,” she said.“It’s hard to hear those things, but I guess that’s what it’s like when you’re trying to make it in show business.Always someone there to tear you down to make themselves feel better.”
“I guess so.”I nodded.
“But I should get going.I have another audition.Wish me luck.”
“Good luck.Break a leg.That’s what they say, right?”
“Yeah.”She smiled at me.“Thank you, by the way.”
“You don’t have to keep thanking me.I was just being a human.”
“Well, you continue being a good human like that, and I think you’ll find your way to heaven.Real quick.”
“Hopefully not too quickly,” I said, laughing.
“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.Sorry, my head’s all a mess.”
“No worries.”I shook my head.“But good luck.”
“Thanks.”And she went on her way.I smiled at myself after the encounter.I wasn’t the sort of guy who randomly spoke to strangers, and I didn’t watch people unless I was on a job, but I needed it.I needed interaction with someone else to make myself feel better.It was hard for me to think about my mother and not get angry.It was hard for me not to feel sad.
I grabbed my phone without thinking and decided to call Valentina.The phone rang five times and then went to voicemail, and I sighed as I pressed end.I didn’t want to leave a voicemail.What I had to say was too important to be left in a message.I’d messed up.I’d made her feel cheap, and I’d made her feel like she wasn’t important, which wasn’t true.I’d been an idiot.I should have stayed and explained to her how I’d been feeling instead of just leaving when she told me to.This whole situation was so complex because I couldn’t get into the fact she was a job.I couldn’t tell her that her dad was paying me a hundred grand to date her and then dump her.
I didn’t even know if I respected myself at this point, but when I thought of my brothers and our futures, I knew I had to step up.My mom had been selfish.My mom had left to pursue her dreams and ruined all of us.Psychologically, we were all damaged, and well, I couldn’t do the same thing.We needed the money.I had to think about my brothers and my father before myself.I tried calling Valentina’s number one more time and was about to hang up when she answered.
“Yes,” she snapped into the phone.I frowned at her tone.I’d never heard her sound so angry or pissed off before.
“Hey, it’s me.”
