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“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“It can help, you know?You’re not the only one who’s experienced pain.I can attest to the fact that speaking to someone, a professional, can help.”
“I’ve thought about it sometimes,” I said, “but I don’t have money for that, and it’s a sign of weakness—”
“No, it’s not, Sam,” she interrupted me quickly.“It’s not a sign of weakness.Have you ever spoken to your best friends?”
“My best friends are my brothers.”
“Have you ever spoken to any friends who are not your family members?”
“I don’t really have friends who are not my family members.It’s my family and me.That’s my blood.Well, with Elise and Sienna as well.But you know.”
“I’m your friend, Sam.”
“You’re not my friend, Valentina.”
“Oh.”She sounded hurt.
“You’ve been so much more to me than a friend.I fucked you.I’ve made you come while you were screaming out my name.Friends don’t scream out each other’s names.”
“I wish I was there with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d hold you close,” she said, “and I’d kiss you all over, and I’d let you know it was going to be okay.”
“But would you let me fuck you?”I said, laughing bitterly.
“Yeah.I’d let you fuck me, Sam.I wish you were here.I want you to fuck me.I want you to take it out on me.I want you to be all you need to be with me because I care about you and …” She sighed.“I know you’re going through a lot emotionally, but tomorrow, can we have fun?”
“Sure,” I said because already in my mind, I knew that tomorrow would be the last time I saw her.Everything between us was too deep, too real, too painful.I’d go to the picnic.I’d fuck her.I’d have fun, we’d laugh, and then I’d dump her because I couldn’t deal with this anymore.I couldn’t have her needling her way in.I couldn’t have her trying to be that person for me.Because even if I wanted her to be, she couldn’t be.Her dad would never allow that, and I needed that money.My family needed that money, and it wasn’t worth a roll of the dice.She’d be fed up with me within days, weeks, months, and then she’d run along to Connor with his Wall Street job and hedge fund.And I’d be left, broke and heartbroken.And for what?
No, I wasn’t going to do that to myself or my family.But I’d let her have her fun, and frankly, I needed my fill of her as well.I missed her already, and it’d only been a few days.It was going to kill me to fuck her one last time, but I needed it, and I needed her, and that was the only way to break her heart.
