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He looks at me sharply then, “Of course we’re going to fucking try! Did you honestly think I was telling you we should break up?”
I shrug, “Kinda. I mean, you sound so defeated. It sounded like you were already resigned to it not working out.”
“Paige, the odds aren’t on our side, that’s for sure. But there’s no one else in the world I want to be with. I will fight for us. It won’t be easy, not on either of us, but we’re definitely going to try to make it work. I’m not giving you up that easily.”
“I’ll fight for us, too. I’m not giving you up, either.”
I kiss him deeply. It’s dark now, and I know we should head back home, but I don’t want to leave. Being with Jack like this is my definition of perfection. It’s my happy place. He holds me for a few more minutes before we finally get dressed, pack up our stuff, and head back to his car.
The next few weeks fly by. Jack and I spend every minute together that we can. We take advantage of his parents being gone at several events when we’re supposed to be studying.
Jack is so attentive to my needs when we’re together. I now understand how people can get addicted to sex. I crave the feel of Jack almost constantly. It gets better every time. We’ve become so familiar with each other’s bodies that I’m pretty sure I know his as well as I know my own.
This last week has been different, though. There’s almost an urgency when we’re together – like we can’t get enough of each other fast enough. I think it’s because I move on Friday. At least that’s my reasoning. Jack and I haven’t talked much about my move lately. I think we’ve both been avoiding the inevitable.
We’re lying together on his bed, barely covered by his sheet. My hand is drawing circles on his chest, and I can’t take the silence anymore.
“Jack, we should talk about what’s happening in two days.”
He sits up and swings his feet off the side of the bed. He pushes off and starts getting dressed. Dread fills my gut, and I sit up, covering myself with his sheet.
“Jack.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Paige. We should probably study for the test tomorrow anyway.”
“Jack, I couldn’t care less about that test. I leave on Friday. As in, two days from now. We’ve hardly talked about it.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“Are you serious right now? How about making a plan for how things are going to work? Are we going to call each other every night? Are you going to come out to visit before you have to go to football camp, or am I coming back here? We should make a plan, so we have something to look forward to.”
He turns to me sharply, “Something to look forward to? I’m supposed to be excited about having to wait several months before seeing my girlfriend again? Fuck that.”
His anger surprises me. He was sad and defeated before about the move, but never angry. I realize I’m still sitting here naked, while he’s standing fully clothed. He won’t even look at me, and my heart plummets to my stomach.
I get up and quickly get dressed. I can’t help the silent tears streaming down my face. This wasn’t what I wanted. I thought it would be easier if we knew exactly when we’d get to see each other again. It wouldn’t make our situation look so desolate.
Apparently, Jack doesn’t see things that way. I can’t tell if he’s angry with me or with the situation, or maybe both, but I can’t help feeling hurt. His reaction scares me because this is what I’ve been afraid of all along. That he’d want to give up and end things.
I speak softly, “You said you’d fight for us. We agreed we’d fight for each other. That’s all I wanted.”
He looks at me when he hears the tremor in my voice. His eyes lose some of their anger and quickly fill with remorse and sadness.
“I’m sorry, Paige.” He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I can’t stand the idea of you leaving. I’ve tried to push it out of my mind.”
“You can’t ignore it for much longer, you know.”
“I know.”
The sadness in his tone matches how I feel. I don’t know what to say to make this better or easier for us. I just don’t want to lose him.
Fourteen
This is the day I’ve been dreading for a month. My parents let me skip school, so I could be with Paige until her family leaves. I’ve hardly talked to Paige since the other night when she wanted us to make a plan. I’m trying to sort through my emotions because I know Paige is struggling, but I’m having a hard time, too.
I’m so angry that she’s leaving, and my chest aches at the idea of her not being here. I’m not mad at her, just the situation. Although, last night, I realized she probably thought I was angry with her. I can’t have her leave thinking that.
The U-Haul is packed up. Her parents are doing their final walk-through of their now empty house. Paige and I have been sitting on the back-porch steps holding hands for the last half hour, not saying a word. There’s so much to say, and yet there don’t seem to be any words. It’s the most confusing feeling.
