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23
Miles is distracted.I don’t know what’s going on, but he’s been…off, for lack of a better word.It’s been two weeks since we had our first lesson, and I thought maybe we’d have ventured further by now, but all he’s done is kiss me and touch me—granted, I’ve never felt anything better than his touch.But I can’t stand it anymore.He’s not exactly distant, but he’s notmyMiles.
“Is everything okay?”I ask.
He looks up at me from where he was staring at the spaghetti noodles on his plate—more like moving them around in the marinara sauce, his chicken parm hardly touched.
“Yeah,” he says, his monotone voice only confirming he is anything but okay.
Leaning over the table, I place my hand on top of his.“You know you can tell me anything, right?”
I have a feeling this has to do with the band, and if there’s anything I’ve figured out about Miles in the past few months, it’s that he’s unbelievably protective and fiercely loyal to the band.It’s the only thing I think he’d keep from me at this point in our relationship.He’s told me all about his family, his upbringing, the pressures of fame.But never details about his bandmates—at least not anything I couldn’t also find in a magazine.
He stares at the wall behind my head for a minute, indecision clear on his face.I almost think he’s not going to tell me when he finally makes eye contact and lets out the heaviest sigh I’ve ever heard from him.
“I need you to swear this stays between us.”
“Of course.”
He grips my hand tighter in his, but not painfully.“I mean it, Tamsin.If you ever leaked what I’m about to tell you, it would be the end of us.I won’t be with someone I can’t trust.”
“Miles, I promise.I would never do that.Whatever’s on your mind stays between us.I won’t even tell Rikki.”
His body sags ever so slightly.He knows Rikki is the only other person I tell things to, and if I swear I won’t tell her then I mean it.
“It’s Kasen.”
“What about him?”
He puts his elbows on the table and scrubs his face with his hand.“God, I don’t know how we let it get this bad.I mean, Iknowit’s not on us, but it feels like we’ve let him down.”
“I don’t understand.”
His gaze connects with mine, and my heart practically squeezes in my chest at the pain and the wetness of tears in his normally happy and shining brown eyes.
“He’s using again,” he says so quietly I wonder if I misheard him.
He couldn’t mean…
“Drugs?”I ask, my voice just as soft as his.
He nods and runs his fingers through his hair.
“What’s he using?”
“That’s the thing—we’re not entirely sure anymore.It started with coke a few years ago, then he OD’d and nearly died.After that he cleaned up his act and we thought we were in the clear, but right before we started recording the new album we found out he was using again.”
“And not just coke…”
“No, not just coke.Heroin this time.He said it was mostly coke, but we all knew it was bad that he was usinganythingagain, let alone using harder drugs.”
He shakes his head.“You know what’s hilarious,” he says in such a way that tells me he doesn’t think it’s hilarious at all.
“What?”
“We were dry our last tour for him because we were worried he might be slipping, or thinking about slipping.And it was all for fucking nothing because he started using again anyway.When he told us about the heroin, Robbie started hanging out with him more to help him get clean—basically be his shadow.He seemed like he was doing okay, but now he’s never home, he’s late to our studio sessions, late to band practice, and I’m pretty sure he’s hanging out with that bitch, Charli, again.I just have this sinking feeling in my gut that shit’s about to hit the fan.”
“What makes you think that?”
