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“So you hit him over it?” She slides up to Crew, who’s cupping his nose. “Crew! You’re bleeding!”
I look down and notice drops of red blood falling into the snow, painting it like a cherry snow cone. Maybe I went too far, but he can’t just kiss me like that. I’m just glad Maddie didn’t see it.
“I’m sorry, Crew,” I say.
“I’m fine,” Crew tells her. “Let's just go down.”
“You go down. Scar and I need to talk.”
When Maddie gives Crew her back, he mouths the words, “I’m sorry.”
A minute later, once his feet are on his board, he asks me to help her down the mountain. Knowing she’s an amateur, I nod, and he disappears down the steep mountain.
Maddie gives me a look of sheer evil. “You wanna explain to me what that was all about?”
“It was a misunderstanding and not a big deal. I’m too high and too anxious to go down to deal with any of this. Can we talk about it later?”
“No! We’re talking about it now. I know you don’t like Crew, or Jagger, or my brother, but do you really have to be so cold to them all the time?”
“Me?” I laugh. “Your brother hates me, Maddie. As for Crew and Jagger, they only like me when he’s not around.”
“You know, all this time, I thought maybe they were the problem. Now I’m starting to realize it’s been you all along. Crew is my boyfriend and he’s going to be around, whether you like it or not. If you can’t deal with it, you can just…”
Her words trail off, but I don’t need her to finish her sentence. “Okay,” I nod subtly, “you choose him. Fine.” I go to the edge of the cliff and stick my shoes in the board, bending down to fasten the straps. “Enjoy your ride down the fucking hill.”
Maddie can keep living in the clouds while I keep my feet on the ground. Tonight, when Crew breaks her heart, I won’t be there to pick up the pieces.
“Scar! Wait. Don’t leave me. You know I can’t go down this mountain by myself.”
Tears slide recklessly down my cheeks, one after another. I swallow hard, forcing down the ball in my throat.
I left her. I left her on one of the steepest and most dangerous hills in the state, knowing she was scared to go down. All this time, I wouldn’t let myself go there. I covered up the guilt, replacing it with something new—my relationship with Crew.
When I got to the bottom and Finn and Crew were waiting, Maddie never came. We waited for close to an hour before Crew went back up for her and even then, it was another hour before we got the news.
A skier found Maddie unconscious, not far down the mountain. It wasn’t until the med copter touched down that we knew something wasn’t right. Crew sped through traffic, so we could meet her at the hospital, but she was rushed right into surgery to stop the bleeding on her brain. When she came out, she never woke up.
Maybe Neo’s right in thinking it’s my fault. I might not have pushed Maddie, but I might as well have.
Pulling myself together, I unzip my bag and look down at my board—it’s just like I remember. A mountain landscape with the Burton logo down the center. I run my fingers over it and close my eyes, pinching out tears.
Finally, I pull out my board and place it in the snow. Next, I grab my goggles and slide them over my head.
With shaky knees, I step into the shoes that are still adjusted to my fit.
I scoot closer to the edge and whisper into the wind, “I’m so sorry, Maddie.”
“She knows.” My head snaps to the left, following the gruff sound of Crew’s voice. “Are you ready to do this?”
“Why are you here?” I ask him as my board teeters on the edge. He’s wearing the same ski outfit he’s always had. His goggles are resting on his forehead and his board is tucked under his arm.
“Didn’t think you should do this alone. Don’t tell the guys, though. They’ll probably abolish me from the whole damn Society.”
“Your secret’s safe with me.”
Those feelings of safety I get from Crew return and just having him here makes everything better. It shouldn’t—not after everything he’s done to me—but it does. No one gives me whiplash the way Crew does. And no one else can make me want more of it but him.
“Now answer my question. Are you ready to do this?”
