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“The soreness will go away soon. I’ve been monitoring you for a few days and—”
“A few days?” I shriek. “How long have I been out?”
He pats my knee, trying to calm me down. “When you came in and I figured out the concussion wasn’t serious, I thought it would be best to keep you sedated. Try and let your body heal a bit. I knew when you’d wake up you wouldn’t want to sit still.”
I let out a deep breath. He’s right. “When can I go home?” At this point, all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep my life away. I don’t want to be bothered with all of the issues I’m expected to handle or feel the pain.
“You’re able to go today. I caught Lucas on his way out and told him. He said he would call Carl to come get you. I’m going to send you home with some antibiotics and painkillers, but you’re more than welcome to call if you need anything.” He smiles again, lighter this time. Less sad.
“Will any of that hurt the baby? The medicine?”
He shakes his head as he removes the IV from my hand. “All of it is safe. The only thing you need to watch out for is naproxen and the other obvious things like alcohol and drugs.”
“Charlotte! I’m glad to see you awake.” Carl smiles from the doorway, grabbing Dr. Kelly’s and my attention.
“Carl.” Dr. Kelly nods, then turns back to me. “I’ll leave you to it. A nurse will bring in your discharge paperwork in a few.” He pats my knee, then stands and leaves the room.
He and Carl shake hands on his way out, and Carl comes to my side. “Are you ready to fly this coop?”
I nod. “I just want to lie in my own bed and wallow for a few days. My heart can’t take this, Carl.”
He pulls me into a hug and lets me sob softly for a moment. “As much as I want to give you exactly what you want, I can’t. Cameron is still out there somewhere, and the first place he’ll look is the house.”
I pull away and look up to him. “Where am I supposed to go, then?”
“I have a cabin on the outskirts of town. It’s far enough away I know people won’t see any of us coming or going, but still close enough so we won’t have to drive forever for necessities, like doctor appointments.”
I hold back a cry. My reality has just shifted, and now I can’t even go home to the one place I feel most comfortable. The one place that still has pieces of Teddy.
“I know it isn’t ideal, but we just have to make it work for now.”
I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. “Just get me out of here.”
He gives me a quick nod, then grabs a clear plastic bag from the stand next to my bed. Inside I can see the fabric of my dress from that night. His eyes lock onto mine, and I know he’s asking if I want to put it on without saying the words, but I don’t, and I don’t have to say it for him to understand.
He slips his jacket down his arms and wraps it around my shoulders carefully as I stand, and we exit the room.
I stare at myself in the mirror. I’ve had a week, seven whole days to try and come to terms with Teddy being gone and being pregnant. Neither still seems real. I feel I’ve been in a weird limbo between reality and fiction, and I can’t even tell which is which anymore.
I lift my plaid shirt and inspect my stomach in the mirror. I’m not expecting to see a huge difference or anything, but I assume I’m at least supposed to feel different in some way. I get nauseous now, but that’s it. It seems aside from the constant urge to puke, the only other thing that fills my mind is sadness, loneliness, devastation. All of the same things I felt the first time I lost Teddy, but now it’s different. Now he isn’t coming back.
He’s really gone.
A soft knock sounds out from the other side of the door. “Flower? Are you ready?”
I pull my shirt down and walk to the door before pulling it open. Lucas stares at me from the other side of the threshold, and it stirs something in me. Something I don’t feel when I’m alone.
Alone, I’m completely numb. Maybe numb isn’t the right word. I’m just… dead inside. A ball of the worst emotions. But when he’s around, I feel a glint of hope. I’ll never admit it though. How could I? What would people say? I just don’t want to be alone. Not right now.
“As ready as I can be.”
He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I wince. The pain isn’t as bad now, but it is still there, and in a way, I don’t hate it. It reminds me I’m actually alive. He ushers me out of my room, through the living room, then out the front door to the car.
I slide into the middle, and Lucas follows, sandwiching me between him and Julius.
“We got you today, okay?” Julius grabs my knee and gives me a gentle squeeze.
I look into his eyes and try to think of something to say, but nothing comes to mind. Most of the time every time my mouth opens, the tears become inevitable.
