AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You don’t have to say anything.” He smiles sadly. It is the same old routine, and he already knows what me speaking will lead to.
I grab his hand and lace his fingers with mine, then lay my head on his shoulder as Carl takes off.
The world outside passes by in a fog. Buildings and landscapes merge together, making it to where I don’t even notice where we are when we pull up. When Carl pulls through the arched gate, my heartbeat picks up. Every time I’ve been here, it was to bury someone I loved.
First, my mom. Although she and I never had the greatest connection, it still pained me to see how badly it hurt my dad. I lost something that day too. My dad left a piece of himself with her. The next trip was to say my goodbyes to my father. At that moment, I never imagined having to go through anything more painful, but here I am. Saying my final goodbyes to yet another man I love. Loved.
He goes slowly down the narrow road, then stops in front of a white stone crypt that towers high into the sky. A single cross sits at its highest point, casting a shadow onto us. Iron bars cover the big windows, almost blocking the beautifully red stained glass.
I grip my hands together as Lucas steps out, then suck in a breath and follow him.
“Remember, it’s just us. Nothing huge, just us,” he remarks as I step next to him.
Carl and Julius exit the car, then flank Lucas’s sides as I walk in front of them, taking the lead. I knew that Cedric had reserved this crypt for family. The bricks are elegantly placed, and the door is a heavy wood. Iron bars enforce the sides, and a pair of wings are etched into the grain at about eye level. It is heavy but welcoming. I push through, pausing at the sounds of a brittle hinge creaking, but I appreciate the break in silence as I slowly walk inside.My footsteps echo through the space, creating an eerie feel, but I don’t let them stop. I keep going until I reach Teddy’s tomb.
An angel sits on her knees, slumped over the top, weeping. Her wings stretch across her back, giving the illusion she is protecting what I know lies within. Teddy’s body. On the other side of the room, a similar tomb sits directly across from Teddy’s. Cedric Hale is etched into its stone in the same graceful scroll that Teddy’s has.
Along the back of the wall, six golden plates lie flat with three of them reading Julius, Lucas, and Carl with no dates as the other three stay blank. “Is this where all of you will be laid to rest?” I ask, doing my best to hide my straining voice.
“Yes,” Carl says.
“What are the three empty ones below each of yours?”
“They’re for our lovers. The women we fall in love with,” Julius answers.
My heart pangs realizing there isn’t one for me. For Teddy’s lover. Maybe it’s stupid, but it just hurts. I gave so much to Teddy. At least I feel I did.
“You’ll be laid with him, when the time comes,” Lucas remarks, seeing tears fall to my cheeks.
I just give him a nod before stepping closer and running my fingers over Teddy’s name. This is it. This is real. “I’m going to miss you more than I should. I love you… No, I loved you again, probably more than I should have. It isn’t fair you get to leave this world without an apology for what you did. None of this is fair, and I hate you for it, but I promise to be the best mother to our baby. I promise to tell them about you and keep your memory alive, and I promise to raise them better. To make them better than you.” I stop to suck in a breath through my cries. “Goodbye, Theodore.”
It takes everything in me not to run, to get away from the suffocating air inside, but I turn away with as much grace as I can and walk out of the crypt, leaving the boys behind. I make it to the steps before I completely collapse. Sobs rack my body, and every single memory Teddy and I had assaults my mind.
I can hear footsteps, but I ignore them. Suddenly, black shoes peek into my line of vision. After a moment, Lucas sits beside me and pulls me into him. “Let it out, Flower. It’s okay.”
He repeats the same words over and over while combing his fingers through my hair and softly rocking me.
And just like that, we’re back in our old routine. I cry while he comforts me, and I don’t ask him to stop. I need this as much as I know it isn’t right.
