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Lydia shakes her head, ignoring his small outburst. “What’s going on?”
I open my mouth to speak—to tell her everything and finally unload everything I’ve been keeping inside—but it doesn’t come out. “We have an issue.”
“You don’t think?” Carter mocks from the couch.
I tip my head. “What?”
“Your dad came by,” Lydia starts. “He literally just left before y’all showed up. Said he hasn’t heard from you in a few days, and he and William were worried. Then he tried to blame us for you being gone and off-grid. He didn’t seem happy.”
I cut my eyes to Cyrus, then back to her. “But you said William called? I talked to him and told him everything was fine, so why did my dad show up?”
“Fuck if I know, Carmen. William only called to prepare us for his wrath,” Lydia says with a smirk.
The topic of my dad has always been off-limits, but there have been times I’ve needed to vent. And by vent, I mean talk shit because Alexander doesn’t deserve anything else. I’m sure to her, without knowing what’s going on, it’s a funny sight seeing my ‘dad,’ who doesn’t even care about me act like he does, but it’s anything but funny. Something is off, and I can feel it.
The small smile slips from her face like she can see the wheels turning in my mind. “What’s wrong?”
I look to Cyrus, wanting him to answer for me, but this isn’t his story to tell; it’s mine. I thought I could put it off—only deal with it when I was faced with Alexander—but Lydia is my best friend, and keeping secrets is what got us into the fucked-up positions we are in to begin with.
“Alexander isn’t my dad.” Saying it out loud for the second time makes it feel more real. More real than I would like. I wish I could just ignore it, act like I never even knew and continue in oblivious dread. At this point, it seems it would be better than this.
Carter turns in his seat, finally seeming invested in what I’m saying. “What?”
“It’s William.”
Lydia exchanges a look with Carter before turning back to me. “How do you know?”
I give her the same basic rundown I gave Cyrus and Hatcher, doing my best to keep the emotions that come with my words tucked away. It’s better that way.
Once I have it all laid out in front of them, they both seem baffled. Almost as if I just fed them the biggest lie I could formulate in my mind.
“And you’re okay with this?” Carter finally asks.
“No. I’m hurt and angry and want to know why he kept it from me for so long.”
Lydia shifts on her feet. “You seem…” She trails off like she can’t find the right word to say.
“Like I’m keeping it all inside until I explode?” She nods. “Letting all of the things I’m feeling seep out now wouldn’t benefit anyone. I’d rather Alexander get the full impact of how I feel instead.”
Cyrus rubs the back of my arm from behind me reassuringly, still staying silent.
“Carmen, you know trying to bottle everything up isn’t good,” Lydia says.
I smile sadly. She’s always been so nurturing. So motherly. Maybe that’s why I was so drawn to her even as kids. She was someone I could lean on when I had no one.
“Don’t worry. We’re going to see him next. I won’t be holding back much longer.”
Carter stands from his spot. “This could go bad really fast. You can’t go alone.”
Cyrus finally speaks. “She won’t be alone.”
Carter stares at him, his jaw ticking. “Funny how you can help someone else but never thought to help me.”
Cyrus pushes his way in front of me. “Look, I know you’re mad, and you have every right, but we can fix us later. Right now, this is bigger.”
“Right. Everything but family always takes precedence,” Carter scoffs.
“Carter,” Lydia chastises. “Have you forgotten what Carmen did for us? She is family.”
