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34
“Itake it I have you to thank for this bullshit?” I say, scratching at my forearms. Some of the solution has splashed onto my skin and it itches like a whore with crabs.
Camden strolls towards me. He’s got that spaced out look you get when you’re high, and a lazy smile pulls up his lips. “Did you like it?” he asks.
“You’re a dickhead! I thought you don’t play games?”
“You moved the goalposts. Shit has changed.” He shrugs, as though what he’s done isn’t a big. But he isn’t fooling me, I saw the glimpse of regret in his eyes. Not that it matters now. His actions have a reaction, this anger is mine.
“What do you mean,I’vemoved the goalposts? I haven’t done anything except try to keep my head down and survive this place!”
“You’ve been doing way more than just that.” He barks out a laugh, too fucking high to keep his shit together. How much fucking Mary-J has he had? More to the point, why is he getting shitfaced during the middle of the day? He’s normally so put together.
“You’re fucking wasted. Go away,” I say, giving him a look of disgust before turning on my heel.
“Don’t you dare turn your back on me. I’m the fucking one you obey.Me, notFord.”
“Ford? I don’t obey Ford and I sure as shit won’t obey you.Ever,” I growl, refusing to look at him.
“That’s not what I heard. Pretty sure he fucking owns you now,” Camden snaps back.
“What did you just say?”
“You heard me. The prick has you by the short and curlies, doesn’t he? Quite literally. ”
My face flushes red, heat prickling my skin and rising up my chest and neck as I spin on my feet. “Shut-up. You don’t know shit,” I retort angrily, shoving my fingers into his chest.
“I know enough. I have eyes everywhere, Asia. Every-fucking-where,” he grinds out, his eyes narrowing at my hand pressed against his chest.
“What I choose to do and who I choose to do it with is up to me, Camden. Do I need to spell it out to you? I don’t need your permission to do jack shit.”
His head snaps up, the kind of languid heaviness in his limbs from the marijuana suddenly disappearing. “One of these days, youwillbe mine, Asia.”
Something about the conviction of his words has me trembling but not with fear, with something far more unnerving. “Fuck you, Camden, or should I sayBling? You’re all mouth. You don’t rule me, and youneverfucking will.”
He steps closer, shaking his head. “Don’t test me, Asia.Don’t. I could hurt you.” It’s a warning, a threat even. The thing is, he doesn’t seem happy about it. If anything, he looks resigned.
“Then do it! Fuckingdoit, Camden. Stop talking about it and get on with it. But let me tell you something, there is nothing,nothingthat you can do to scare me. I can deal with your little lap dog Monk. I can deal with your little girls. I can deal with yourthreats. You cannot break me!”
“You don’t fucking get it, do you?” He slams his fist into the brick wall. His fist splits, blood seeping from the wound.
“No. No, I don’t get it.” And I really don’t. Why can’t he just let it go?
“This is the law of the street, Asia. This is the lawwelive by.Honour.Respect.Retribution.”
“Not me. I’ve never lived by those rules,” I lie.
“Yes, you do, and you know it. There are no white picket fences for the likes of us. This place here, it’s a fucking pipe dream, papering up the cracks, trying to mould us into something we’re not. You know as well as I do that it’s too late for us. There’s no changing even if we wanted to. We’ll go back to Hackney and slide right back into the roles we left behind. Even here, we can’t hide from them.Ican’t hide.”
“You want to?” I ask, taken aback from his admission.
“Fuck!” he exclaims, running a hand over his face. “There’s no hiding, no running. There’s nothing good, not for the likes of me.”
“You can make a different choice. It doesn’t have to be that way.” But even as I say the words, I know they’re a lie. He’s right. Of course, he’s right. I might have told Mr Carmichael that I don’t follow the rules on the street, but I’ve lived on the fringes of them my whole life. I have my position in the order of things, just like Camden does.
“The only choice I was able to give you was back in Hackney when I offered you a place in my crew. You turned me down, but worse than that, you made a fool of me in front of my people. Then I come here, reveal who Ireallyam, and it still doesn’t make a difference. You turned medown a second time.” Genuine hurt passes over his features and it throws me. Why does he care so much? I shake my head, refusing to let him get to me.
“What the fuck else was I supposed to do? Roll over because you’re someone I once admired? Thank you for setting Monk on me? Back down like a good little girl,” I seethe. He winces, my words having the desired effect. Good.
