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19
By the end of the first week my name is mud. Kate hasn’t spoken a word to me. Pink has tried to give me her support but with Camden constantly hovering nearby it’s impossible to have any kind of conversation with her. Eastern has kept his distance as promised, but all the unspoken words between us are building up so high that I’m not sure we’ll ever get back to that easy way we had with each other. Then there’s Ford and Sonny. Twice Sonny has tried to approach me to have a conversation, but Ford has prevented him. Cutting in, taking him aside. One time he actually dragged him from the rec room. I heard them arguing outside about it. It’s been infuriating not being able to just get up and ask them both what the fucking deal is. I mean I know what my deal is. I’ve got to keep away from them both, so Ford is doing me a favour really. But what the fuck is his deal? Losing the fight and handing me over to Camden like nothing happened between us last term.
Out of them all, Ford has disappointed me the most.
After that kiss he stole in the mirrored maze almost a week ago, he has completely ignored my existence. In P.E he’s kept far away from me. In Math he’s sat on the opposite side of the room, not working, but not acknowledging me either. Whenever we’re in the dining room he is oblivious to my presence. He’s simply handed me over to Camden and washed his hands of me. I can’t deny that it hurts.
This evening whilst everyone else is either in the rec room chilling out watching crap TV or hanging out with each other before curfew, I’m alone in my room. Camden hasn’t even bothered to come check on me. Which is just as well because I’m not sure if I can hold out much longer about how Monk is beating Ruby. She might have begged me not to say a word, but I’ve certainly not forgotten what she’s told me. Nope. I have plans for that waste of life. I may not be able to challenge Monk to a fight so I can kick his arse again, but that doesn’t mean to say I can’t make his life a misery just like he’s done the same to Ruby. I just need to be smart about my vengeance and that’s going to take time.
Giving up on reading my anatomy textbook, I grab my swimsuit and towel and head to the pool. It’s the only way lately that I’ve been able to clear my head enough to deal with what’s going on. I haven’t gone to Mr Burnside with anything, but I’m full up to the brim with fucking worries that my migraines are becoming a regular occurrence now. It’s taking its toll.
Maybe on Monday in my therapy session I can offload, just a little bit. I’m beginning to realise that there are some things I just can’t hold onto. I’m strong, yes, I’ve had to be, but I’m not a fool. Keeping this all to myself is slowly killing me and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. Granted I won’t be blabbing about everything to Mr Burnside, I’m not stupid, but I can share some stuff. I think.
That thought keeps me going.
Ten minutes later I’m in the pool, which yet again is thankfully empty. This place has become my sanctuary now that I have no one to rely on. I can think and expend all this restless energy in one go. It helps to alleviate the stress a little.
For the next hour, I punish my body, kicking hard with my legs and arms as I swim back and forth savouring the scream of my muscles and the racing beat of my heart until I can’t do anymore. I don’t really have anywhere else to be, so when I’m done I sit on the top step of the shallow end with my lower body immersed in the water, staring into the depths. I’m not sure how long I stay like that, long enough to feel the warmth of my workout ebb away and the cold of the water to seep in.
“Your muscles will tense up if you stay sitting in the cold for much longer.”
I whip my head up to see Ford striding into the pool area. He’s wearing a pair of dark swimming trunks slung low on his hips. His body is taught, strong, fucking dangerous to my health. Goddamn him.
“What are you doing here?” I snap, sliding my body lower into the water and backing up against the wall.
He looks down at what he’s wearing, which isn’t much of anything frankly, and pulls a face.
“To swim, of course,” he says before diving into the pool in a perfect arc. He cuts through the water with ease, his shoulder and arm muscles rippling with the exertion of swimming so fast. I hold my breath as he heads straight towards me, then decide I need out of this situation before I do or say something stupid. I move towards the steps with every intention of escaping, but find myself pulled back against a hard chest, Ford’s arm wrapped around my waist.
“Don’t leave, not yet,” he mutters against my ear.
“Ford, you need to let me go.” There’s panic in my voice as I glance at the entrance to the pool. This is too risky, and it isn’t just the fear of someone walking in on us, but the fear of what Ford will do to my heart. He’s already managed to crack it just a little this past week. I can’t afford a fissure any deeper than the one that’s already formed.
“See, here’s the thing. I’ve been trying to do that. Don’t much like the feeling.”
He grips me tighter against him walking us backwards until the water laps up over my chest, then twists me in his arms and pushes me up against the tiles.
“I’m Camden’s…” I say, lamely. What I want to say iswhy have you abandoned me? but that would show my hand and I’m not willing to lay bare how I really feel. Too much is at stake. Ford’s expression is neutral, but there’s no denying the fire burning in his eyes.
“You were ours way before he claimed you as his own.”
“Ours?” I whisper. My fucking heart is pounding. This is crazy.
“Yes,ours. Just because he has you now doesn’t mean you don’t still belong to us.”
“Says the person who’s been avoiding me all week, who’s been preventing Sonny from getting anywhere near me.”
“It’s for your own good,” he mutters, bringing his hand up to cup my cheek.
“How is any of this good for me?” I whisper, caught by the look of longing in his gaze. “Besides, I’m not yours. I’m not anyone’s. In fact, I fit into the role of reject quite well these days. Pretty sure Ros had me in mind when she came up with this term’s art project,” I add bitterly.
“We haven’t rejected you. Sonny and me, we claimed you as our own before Camden did. Eastern way before that. So, yes, that makes you ours.”
“I don’t belong to…” I start to protest, but he leans forward, brushing his lips against mine, taking both my words and my breath away. My lips and my skin instantly flush with heat. Traitorous, dangerous, scorching heat.
Somewhere inside, I have the sense of mind to push him back. “Don’t. Don’t do that.”
But Ford shakes his head and crushes his mouth against mine slicing through my resolve.
