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When I awake just before dawn, Sonny is lying next to me still fast asleep. Shifting closer, I rest my head close to his and just stare at him like a proper little creeper whilst his soft breaths feather against my skin. The long fronds of his eyelashes rest against his tanned skin, and his plump lips are a perfect cupid’s bow that I am desperate to kiss. Despite the three-day old stubble and the smattering of hair which peeks up from behind the low v of his t-shirt, he seems so much younger than his seventeen years. Cocooned in sleep where reality is nothing more than a dream, Sonny is peaceful, and I can see the boy he once was before life dealt its blow.
We’ve all had to grow up fast living the way we have. It saddens me that all the normal things that teenagers get to do are something that we’ve all missed out on and if we survive what’s coming, I hope that we get a chance to rectify that.
Brushing back Sonny’s hair, I press a gentle kiss against his forehead, making a silent vow to always grasp happiness when I can find it because in life, there are never any guarantees.
Yesterday had shown me that in stark colour. It had been intense, a rollercoaster ride that had left us all feeling churned up and whilst sleep has helped a little to calm my fraying nerves, I know that from the moment we leave this room things will only get worse.
I want to believe that things will work out the way they’re supposed to, that maybe they’ll even get better. I want to believe that Camden will still want me, that Mr Carmichael isn’t a traitor, and that we’ll rescue Pink without anyone getting hurt, but I know that’s a pipe dream. Reality is so much harder when you’ve spent your whole life living right in the thick, messy sludge that’s life for kids like us. I can’t pretend like some other kids might. I never lived a closeted life, wrapped up in cotton wool by parents who wanted to protect me from all the danger that lurks around every corner. I don’t have parents who’ll fight my battles for me, who can act as a buffer from the big bad world, especially not since my surviving parentisthe villain who has no problem in making my life a living hell. My only consolation is that right now I can grasp at something good before we have to wade back in and fight. Seize the day and all that. There’s still time, even if it is only an hour or so before we have to face the day.
Being very careful not to wake Sonny, I slip out of bed and head into the bathroom to wash up. When I look in the mirror, I see someone unrecognisable. I see a girl who is trying everything she can to stay brave and strong, but is fraying at the edges. Fighting is a part of who I am, I admit, but that doesn’t mean to say that I’m immune to feeling weak. I’m only human after all, and right now this human wants to connect. I want seal that bond between me and Sonny once and for all. Making a decision, I strip myself free from my clothes and take in a deep shuddering breath.
When I head back into the bedroom with clean teeth and a building desire, Sonny is waiting for me. If he’s surprised by my nakedness, he doesn’t show it. He simply pulls back the covers without saying a word and I climb into bed, laying my body over his in a bold move.
“Is this where we make love?” Sonny asks, his voice quavering.
“Yes,” I respond simply, pressing my body against his and loving the feel of his arousal against my core. “Because when all is said and done, love makes the world go around, right?”
“Are you saying you love me…?” Sonny bites down on his lip, a nervous gesture that belies the confidence of his hands as they smooth over my back and grasp my arse, guiding my hips against his.
“Does that thought scare you?”
“No… it doesn’t scare me at all. How could it when I have you?”
My heart swells inside my chest and my core begs for release as I move myself slowly against him. He’s still wearing his joggers and whilst I enjoy the friction, that’s something I need to rectify. Pressing a gentle kiss against his lips, I push upwards so that I can remove his t-shirt. Next his joggers and shorts come off and within seconds my slick, needy core is pressed up against the hard ridge of his cock.
“Stay with me,” I say, gently, rocking my hips as I straddle him.
“I am with you,” he responds, his fingertips running up my arms and down over my breasts.
I bite down on the moan that’s just dying to release from my lips and clasp his hands, forcing him to pause for a second. “Last night you said you had sex to forget. I need you to stay with me in this moment, can you do that?”
Sonny tips his head to the side, the long strands of his hair falling over his forehead.
“I’ve longed for this moment for a while now, Asia. There’s nothing on Earth that would stop me from being present,” he replies sincerely, and with that statement I let go of his hands so he can cup my face and pull me down for a kiss that obliterates my heart. You see, when someone kisses you like you’re the very oxygen they need to breathe, it’s easy to give up something precious. So when Sonny moulds me against him, his tongue sweeping into my mouth, I hand Sonny my heart willingly and in turn he gives his to me.
For long minutes we just kiss, allowing ourselves the freedom to taste one another, to explore these feelings that bloom within us both. His hands roam every inch of my skin with a gentleness that makes my heart race and my eyes fill with unexpected tears. Tenderness isn’t something I’m used to, and the way Sonny kisses me is reverent. He worships me with his lips, cracking me open and diving in. I have to pull back briefly to centre myself, to stop my heart from flying free from my chest.
“Do you want me to stop?” Sonny asks me, his lips plump and as bruised as mine.
“No, I don’t want you to stop…” I want him inside me, but I’m also aware that I’ve never felt more vulnerable. Not because I think he’s going to hurt me, but because I can feeleverything.
“But?” he asks gently, guiding me back down onto the bed so that he’s the one above me. He rests his forearms either side of my head whilst he settles between my legs. I can feel the tip of his cock kiss my entrance, and warmth spreads low in my belly.
“I didn’t plan this. I didn’t think past wanting you…” I admit, hoping he gets my meaning. I don’t have a condom.
He bites his bottom lip, a frown creasing his forehead. “Believe it or not, neither did I.” He sighs, pulling away. I know how much he wants me. I want him too, so bad that I can’t breathe, but neither of us need an unplanned pregnancy to add to the mix.
“Shit, I’m normally better at this,” he says with a wry grin.
“Youaregood at this.” I heave a sigh, then feeling a little reckless add, “I trust you to pull out when the time comes.”
Sonny shakes his head. “As much as I want to go bareback with you. I won’t risk it. Just give me a sec okay,” he says, pressing a gentle kiss against my mouth before quickly shoving on his clothes and leaving the room.
He’s back before I’ve even had a chance to recover the frantic beat of my heart.
Stripping off, he holds up a condom packet and within seconds has slid it over his still engorged cock. Yet when he climbs above me, he doesn’t slide inside me immediately, instead he lowers his lips to my swollen core and kisses me there with as much passion and feeling as he did my mouth. I reach for him, jutting my hips upwards as he grips my hips and sucks and licks at my folds. When stars finally obliterate my vision and I press my eyes closed in ecstasy, Sonny slides inside of me.
