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“It’s complicated.” She chews on her bottom lip and I know she wants to share more but doesn’t know where to start. She looks through the open doors, her gaze directed at Malakai’s boat moored at the end of the harbour. My stomach drops.
“You miss Malakai?” I whisper.
She nods. “I do. We’ve never had the most conventional friendship, and god knows he has hurt me…”
“But?” I question.
“But, I’ve missed him. It’s hard to stay angry at someone you love. Besides, I know he has shit in his past that forces him to run. I just wish he’d talked to me more. I just wish he’d…”
“You just wish he’d said goodbye?”
“Yeah.” She sighs heavily. “He knows exactly how to hurt a person, to keep them at arms-length.”
“You’re not wrong there…” The words slip out before I have a chance to stop them, but it isn’t the words that have Lola questioning me, it’s the sob that releases after them.
“Connie?” I can feel Lola’s gaze on me, and I slam my mouth shut. “Did something happen between you and Malakai last year?” she asks gently.
It’s time to be honest, I realise that, but I can’t seem to find the words. She’s his best friend after all. Her claim to him existed long before anything happened between us. “Yes,” I whisper. My hands grip hold of the sink as my head drops forward. “I missed him so much.”
“I see.” There’s a hint of surprise in her voice, but that’s it.
“And now…” I croak.
“And now?” she asks, her voice soft, warm, with no kind of disappointment in it. She places her hand on my back. “It’s okay, Connie. You can tell me. I’m a judgement free zone, I swear it.”
“And now he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” I don’t tell her what happened on Broken Shores a week ago because I’m still confused by that. His words were hurtful and yet it felt just like that first time when he’d touched me, kissed me. Potent, magical, beautiful, and so bittersweet. Hope had bloomed in my chest that morning only to be dashed and filled up with hate instead. That hate has twisted into pain, despair and a deep longing.
“Malakai doesn’t do relationships well. Look at our friendship,” she offers kindly.
“That’s just it. He’syourbest friend. I kept this from you.”
“That may be true, but he isn’t mine, Connie. I don’t own him, and I certainly don’t judge you for wanting Malakai. God knows there’s something about that man.” She gives a little laugh, shaking her head. “You’ve no need to feel any guilt for wanting him or for acting on it.”
“I can’t take a breath without thinking of him, Lola” I say in a rush, the ocean breeze constricting in my lungs. “For so long I willed him to return. I sent him text message after text message the whole time he was away. He read them all, but never once responded. Not once. Then he turns up here a week ago, demanding to see me, only to walk away again with no explanation as to why he left, or why he returned. I don’t know what to do. I’ve got whiplash. My heart hurts. Ithurts.” Tears well and I try so hard to blink them back, but they fall anyway. Hot, heavy, and in a torrent that I can’t seem to stop.
“Is that why you need to leave?”
I nod, as she pulls me into her arms, holding me close. “I can’t stand it anymore. This push and pull, it’s tearing me apart.”
“Then you should go. You need space, a few days away from here will give you that. I’m sorry he’s treated you so badly, Connie.”
“It isn’t your fault.” I pull out of her hold, swiping at my eyes. “I’m sorry I never told you before. I just… I felt so guilty that he left, and I thought somehow my messages would get him to return. So much time passed that it got to the point when I didn’t know how to bring the subject up. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, Connie. This isn’t on you. Malakai chose to leave without saying goodbye, and he chose to ignore your messages. There’s no excuse for that. None. I always knew he was a stubborn idiot, but I never pinned him for a coward. It was cowardly. You deserve happiness, love, fun. You’re so young, Connie. Go to the mainland with Peter, meet up with your friends. Drink, be merry, dance, sightsee, and forget about Malakai, he doesn’t deserve your tears.”
“I’m going to go. Iwillgo,” I say with a determined nod of my head.
“Good. Now, get off home. Go get packed and leave the rest to me, okay?”
“Okay.”
Lola gives me one last hug before freeing me. I grab my hoodie and bag from the office and head towards the door. When I reach it, Lola calls after me, “Connie…”
“Yes?” I respond, twisting to face her.
“Sometimes the only way to make someone see you is to remove yourself from their sight…”
We exchange glances and I draw in a deep breath. Then that’s exactly what I’ll do.
