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“But?”
“But I did it because of you,” he admits eventually, staring at me. “Even when I’d convinced myself I didn’t love you, deep down I did. I understand that now. I sent Lena those care packages because I knew it would kill you to know your sister was stealing stuff. I wanted to look out for you and Lena.”
“And my mum...” I ask softly, untangling myself from Dax’s arms before shifting around the coffee table, so I can be close to Xeno. My knees press into the side of his thigh as I reach to cup his cheek and encourage him to look at me.
“...Needed to hear some home truths. More importantly,Ineeded to make amends for treating you so badly, for abandoning you, for believing that you wanted to hurt us when you walked away when really you were trying to protect us. You did what you did to protect Lena, to protect us. It’s my turn to do the same for you.”
“What did you say to her?”
“That’s not important. What’s important is that she’s sobering up. She’s getting counselling for her addiction and is having therapy.”
“How? She can’t afford that.”
“I’m paying for it.”
“You’re paying for it…?”
“Yes. I want her to sort out her shit. I want her to make an effort with you. I wantherto make amends for how she’s treated you, Tiny. At the very least, she needs to be a good mum to Lena. Counselling and therapy will help her to do that.”
“I don’t… This is… I’m…” I stutter, unable to find the words to express how I feel. I appreciate his efforts, for caring about me enough to try and fix what’s broken between my mum and me, but it’s not as simple as that. I’m not sure we can be fixed. I don’t like my mum, let alone love her… I just. I don’t know. My eyes fill with tears and my insides swirl with emotions that I can’t unravel in the moment.
“I’ve done the wrong thing, haven’t I?” he frowns, swiping a thumb across my cheek to capture the tear that’s fallen.
“No, you’ve done something wonderful and I’m so glad Lena will benefit from this, I’m just not so sure I ever will. Too much has happened between me and my mum. I can’t forgive what she’s done. It hurts too much.”
“I’m sorry,” Xeno says gruffly.
“Don’t be. Don’t ever be sorry for doing something good out of love and affection. Don’t be afraid to express your love with me,howeverthat looks,” I say, meaning every word, just like I did that night we made love for the first time. “But no more secrets. We can’t rebuildusif we’re still hiding stuff from each other.”
Xeno nods then pulls me into his arms and holds me close. “I’m so fucking glad you’re here. I’ve missed you so fucking much.”
“I know.”
Just as I’m relaxing into his hold, Xeno’s mobile beeps with a message. A frown creases his forehead when he reads it.
“Is something wrong?” I ask him.
“Zayn has been called into Rocks,” he replies, flicking his concerned gaze to Dax.
“What for?” Dax tenses.
“A member of Dante’s Crew was caught selling cocaine in SE1.”
“Dante’s Crew is still about? I didn’t realise,” I say, remembering that night at Rocks when we were kids. That was when Frederico propositioned me and talked about me like I was some kind of slut, causing Dax to beat the shit out of him. It was also the night that Dax and I kissed for the first time. The resulting fight in Abney Park Cemetery was the last time I saw Frederico and his crew.
“Yeah, they are. Frederico now runs an arms business,” Dax explains.
My mouth drops open. “Anarmsbusiness?”
“Small fry, mostly knives, occasionally handguns. He’s not international, or even regional, but he’s getting cocky,” Dax informs me, scowling. There’s no love lost there, that’s for sure. “Moving in on the Skins’ territory is fucking stupid.”
“Agreed. Jeb won’t let that stand.”
“What’s going to happen?”
A look passes between the two and Xeno sighs. “Over the years our crews have crossed paths, but Frederico has always backed off when it came down to the wire. He’s usually too chicken shit to try anything like this.”
“Usually?”
