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Chapter Ten
TARA
TWO MONTHS LATER, TARA found herself sitting on a park bench and sipping on a cup of hot cocoa on a chilly winter day. A lot had changed since her time at Declan’s. She’d tried returning back to her usual life, her streams, and her life on the Internet, but every time she turned on her camera, she felt terrified that Declan was watching her. From somewhere. From anywhere. From prison. Or if not him, someone else. She couldn’t handle being in the limelight, exposed to potential criminals on the Internet, and eventually, her paranoia forced her to shut down her account… permanently.
“Tara?”
She looked up, a thin layer of cocoa mustache on her upper lip, and saw Rowan. He had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his coat, the tip of his nose was red from the cold, and wrapped around his neck was the red and yellow scarf she had knitted for him on their one-year anniversary.
Tara smiled. She had almost forgotten about Rowan. Though it had only been a few months, it felt like years had gone by since she was last with Rowan, since she had last obsessed over Rowan. Maybe her experience with Declan had taught her a lesson, and it took dancing a tango with death to finally break her out of her delusion.
“Hi, Rowan,” she replied, taking another sip of her cocoa.
She wasn’t expecting it when he sat down beside her, crossing one leg over the other and resting an arm behind her.
“What’s going on with you?” he asked as he sighed.
She raised a brow at him. “What do you mean?”
“You haven’t been online lately. Your channel, your feed, all gone. I was getting concerned.”
Tara shrugged. “I decided that it wasn’t for me anymore. It’s too much, you know? Keeping up with the constant crowd was way more than I could handle.”
Rowan chuckled.
“What?”
“Well, Tara, I could’ve told you that.” He chuckled again.
“Oh, stop.” She gave him a playful tap on the arm, but then remembered what he had said. “Wait, you were concerned about me?”
“Of course, Tara. You really think I stopped thinking about you? Never!”
“Well… yeah, kind of. I thought you were with what’s her face, Hope, Joy—”
“Faith,” he corrected her. “Nah, that was just a little fling. Things fizzled out pretty quickly. Moved back into town just a couple days ago. In all honesty, Tara, I was hoping I’d run into you. No one could ever really replace you.”
She didn’t know what to say. She’d wanted this. For weeks after he left her, she’d wanted nothing more than to have him back, to hold him, to be with him, and now that he was here, she didn’t quite feel the same as she did before.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought about you when you left.”
“Really?” Rowan turned his body to face her, his cold breath releasing from his mouth every few seconds. “Wow, and here I was thinking you’d gone on to find someone better.” He reached out and grabbed her by the hands. “What do you say, Tara? What do you say we give this another chance? No Faith, no other guy, no Internet, just you and me.”
Tara didn’t know how to respond. She knew it made sense for her and Rowan to be together; it always made sense, from being high school sweethearts to being the first of their friends to have ever gotten married. It just made sense. But when he touched her hands, it just didn’t feel right, like there was someone else out there who was better for her, whom she felt more connected to, and she knew she’d be doing her heart a great injustice.
She pulled her hands away and stood up. “I’m sorry, Rowan. I love you, and I’ll always love you, but I can’t. My heart belongs to someone else.”
As she walked away, she expected Rowan to chase after her, to grab her by the shoulders and plant a passionate kiss on her, telling her that she’s his world, and that he’d do anything, literally anything, to be with her. But he didn’t. He simply walked away in the opposite direction, thus solidifying her decision.
Tara didn’t know what she was thinking as she made her way home. She wasn’t really sure where her mind was at, but she knew where she needed it to be.
Her new apartment studio was located on the south side of Brooklyn. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to get by until she was able to find a job that required more skill than just a pretty face. She still met up with Ashley once in a while. She’d given up on her plan of going to San Francisco, finding a job nearby instead so she could stay close to her family and loved ones. But the tension between them grew when Ashley started dating Mark, who wasn’t so fond of their lack of privacy. It was for the best, anyway. That way, she wouldn’t be able to find out what Tara was up to.
She walked into her closet and changed into her red sequin dress before throwing her winter coat back over it, and she was back out the door. A forty-minute train ride later, she found herself standing outside of New York City’s correctional facility. She knew the drill. Show her ID, sign in, and wait.
“Hi, Declan,” she said with a smile when she saw him walking over to her, cuffs and chains around his wrists and ankles.
He smiled back at her. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“I didn’t think so, either,” she giggled. “But there’s just something in my heart that tells me this is where I belong, with you.”
As he inched closer to her, she pulled him into a kiss.
