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“Mathis asked if we could pick him up, I guess he’s setting out to leave pretty early and won’t be back for a while…” his voice drifted off, or maybe he kept speaking but was drowned out by the frantic beating of my heart.
Mathis was leaving. He was leaving because of me. I didn’t have to hear the words from him to know it was the truth. He’d asked me to give him more of myself, but I hadn’t been ready, or maybe I just wasn’t willing to make that commitment. My thoughts drifted back to the time we had spent alone with Dark Temptation on the wild back acres of his ranch, and my heart constricted with pain. Here I was, surrounded by my family, and finally feeling the acceptance I had longed for so badly, and yet, all I wanted was to be back in that cabin with Mathis. Just Mathis and I and the rugged solitude of the mountains. No sounds save for the pristine peace of nature, no feelings except the wild heat between us, the budding love we had first encountered back in New York.
Maybe I had ruined it all. Maybe we had saved the stallion only for me to lose the man I wanted, because I was a coward. Now, I couldn’t run from my gift, didn’t need to, but I chose to latch on to the next frightening thing in my life. An intense love that was unlike any I would ever again find. A once in a lifetime, grow old together kind. I had to figure out what I wanted, did I want to spend my life running, alone, or did I want to spend my life running, with Mathis? There really was no question that he would be there beside me every time I wanted to run, he would know me and what I needed. He had, after all, accepted me, all of me. Curves, edges, gifts and craziness, all of it.
My heart thudded wildly in my chest, pounding against my ribs like it wanted to break out as I sat beside my father in the pickup. We couldn’t make the drive to Mathis’ place fast enough. I needed to see him, I needed to tell him it was him I chose, no matter how frightening, it was him I wanted to run to, not away from. He was my home, my heaven, the place I belonged. I just hoped it wasn’t too late. I prayed he would forgive me, give me another chance, that his love was enough to mend the crack I had created.
The truck had barely ground to a stop in the gravel before I flew out the door, my dad hollering at me, asking where the fire was, dust stung my eyes, but I didn’t care. My emotions were such a wild mess that the horses in the barn whinnied high pitched, sensing my rising anxiety. I could hear Dark Temptation thrashing in his stall, his deep throated neighs different than the rest. I tried to calm myself so I wouldn’t keep upsetting the animals, but I knew it was futile. Until I saw him, until I knew if he would have me, all of me, I couldn’t calm my restless frantic heart.
A blond man jogged toward us, waving and smiling, and something inside of me shattered as if I could already sense my world crashing around me.
“Hey there, you must be Callie. Mathis said you’d be here sometime this morning to pick up that black stallion. Man is he a looker. I would be mighty interested in having him cover a couple of my mares…if you’re studing him out…”
His voice quieted as my heart thundered and I cut him off. “Where’s Mathis?” I could hear the desperation in my voice, and I hated the hot rush of tears that stung my eyes.
He stopped speaking, frowning. “Oh, I thought you knew, he caught a flight last night to go home to visit his parents for a while. I’ll be looking after the ranch until then.”
My stomach dropped and nausea flooded the back of my throat as my heart constricted painfully. I was too late. He had made his choice. He was gone. One look at my dad, and I lost the battle not to cry. He pulled me into his strong arms, arms made stronger through a life of ranching, and sighed into my hair.
“Callie, baby, its okay. Mathis will be back.” He rubbed my back soothingly, but I knew the truth.
“He won’t come back for me, dad. I ruined it. I had my chance and I pushed him away, just like I’m good at.” My voice cracked as I whispered the words.
“Nah, you obviously didn’t see what I saw, darlin. No man that looks at a woman the way Mathis looked at you could ever stay away. He just needs time, space. You’ll see.”
I pulled away, bowing my head in despair and headed toward the barn. Now the horses were even more worked up, but try as I might, I couldn’t contain my pain. Before I even reached his stall, Dark Temptation broke free, galloping across the yard toward me, his eyes wild. For a terrifying second, I thought I had just undone all my hard work, but the stallion barreled toward me before skidding to a stop, gravel flying up from his hooves. He reared up in front of me, tossing his long mane, before settling, and moving into me. When he lowered his head, pushing that wide ebony forehead into my stomach, I was buffeted by his affection for me, and it made a sob tear from my throat. He, this once terrified, mistreated stallion who had given up on the world was trying to use his emotions to calmme. That was the moment I realized God hadn’t just given me this gift so I could help animals, but also so they could help me in return.
29
-Six months later…
Calamity looked down into the precious little face of the infant she held in her arms. Her shock of carrot-orange curls atop her head making Calamity smile. She couldn’t help but notice just how much the child resembled her best friend. The soft, ivory colored skin was so incredibly soft as she stroked her finger across the baby’s cheek.
“Is she still asleep, Callie?” Samantha asked sleepily from the doorway. Her own red hair was a mess, and dark circles shadowed her brown eyes as she smiled at her.
Callie nodded, speaking softly from the rocking chair where she rocked softly with the baby girl. “Yah. You should rest longer.”
She couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Samantha had gone into labor a month early, and then hemorrhaged badly during the birth. Mother and daughter were lucky to be alive. It still made Callie violently angry that it had been she and her mother to stand there, holding Samantha’s pale, clammy hands while she fought for her life, not Samantha’s own parents or the man who had fathered this precious child. Callie had thought she would lose her best friend that day, and all she could do was thank God every day that she was still with her, that both of them had survived. Her mind strayed to her sister, and she sighed. Yes, she had so much to be thankful for. Elaine was alive, and she had given birth to her son, it had been a rough road, but both were doing well. Her eyes strayed down to the baby and smiled again.
Annie Jane Willits, named for the famous Wild horse Annie, and for Calamity Jane herself, slept peacefully in her arms, as though it were the most natural place to be. At her feet, Billy lay quietly grooming his paws. He glanced up at Callie as he felt her eyes stray to him, and his little nub tail wiggled but he remained silent, as if he too understood just how precious a gift the baby in Callie’s arms was. The whole house knew it. Callie met her best friends’ eyes again and smiled.
“You do that so well, Callie. Someday, I am going to be the one who gets to see you become a mother, and I can’t wait.”
For a moment, Callie’s heart skipped a beat, and sadness tried to overwhelm her, but she pushed it away. Six months was a long time, enough time to push thoughts of a certain man from her mind, but not long enough to heal the pain of loss. Callie knew there was only one man she would ever want to be with, but she had ruined that. Shoving thoughts of Mathis from her mind, she handed the baby gently over to Samantha and the two moved to the window overlooking the back acreage of her family ranch.
“Look at how good she looks.” Samantha whispered as both their eyes found the single silhouette in the garden atop the hill.
Callie smiled, and a tear spilled from the corner of her eyes. Her mother had been cancer free for two months now, and Callie had God to thank for that too. Her mother had changed though. She was smaller, left thinner from her battle to live. But it was more than just her physical attributes that had been molded by the battle with cancer. Not only the cancer though, but it was also all the trial’s life had sent their way over the past few months. Watching Callie’s battle with her gift, Samantha become a single mother, Elaine nearly lose her life and come home to raise her children far away from the abusive man she’d married. All the events of the past few months have changed and shaped them all.
Her mom was gentler now, softer where once she’d been stern. She spent more time in her garden than in the kitchen, with Elaine and Samantha taking up the slack in the house. Callie realized she herself had changed a great deal as well. She no longer felt the wind tugging her to run, and when those little temptress moments did come, a gallop on a dark horse filled her with the wild freedom that soothed her soul and ground her to this farm, and this family. But loss and pain had also shaped her. Now her heart was harder, her mind laser focused on the gift she now embraced rather than hid from.
And in many ways, she had Mathis to thank for that. He had stood beside her, accepted her, and allowed her to blossom, to learn and fulfill her destiny in this world.
“Are you nervous?” Samantha asked beside her.
Callie’s thoughts yanked back to the present. “Hmm? Nervous? Oh, you mean about tomorrow?”
Samantha nodded.
