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“My darling, why do you look pale?” she asked.
“You had one of your episodes, my love,” my father told her, bending so that they were looking eye to eye. She looked confused at first. Then, something dawned in her eyes. She knew what it was about. I could see it.
In about a week, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Rowali. Then, she died.
My father’s anguish was palpable. He almost did not want to see my infant sister. She had been left to the nurses to care for, and I frequently visited her. She was already two when my father decided to make her a part of his life. She looked so much like our mother. When she grew older, we realized that a lot of her light and love could be found in Rowali, as well. Of course, I did not tell her that our father refused to see her for a long time because today, he had become the most attentive father a daughter could wish for.
Having a beautiful and loving family was glorious, but the loss also came with the most tremendous grief.
#
“What are you thinking about? You were gone again,” Luella asked, looking up at me. In the afternoon light, she almost appeared to be a devoted wife. Perhaps she could be. I was the one holding her at arm’s length even though I was the one who knew she posed no danger to me. She was a reckless one, this woman. Though most people see her as calm and refined, I was starting to see who she was beneath the layers.
“Have you prepared your things for Arrowspear? Your velvet gowns might not do well there. It is hot here, but the temperatures there could go higher. The dust and sand would also stick to some of your clothes,” I said, acting as if it was what I was thinking of all along.
“I have thought about that, Metheus,” she gently admonished me with her tone. “My luggage had been prepared.”
“I did not notice them,” I frowned at her. I could not remember seeing any luggage in our room.
“Oh, they are stored elsewhere,” she said.
“Hopefully, you will not sink the ship with all your clothes,” I teased.
“But aren’t your men staying here to help with the farming?” she asked as if she was indeed planning to replace the men’s weight with her clothes.
I gave her a warning look, but she only smiled like a little girl. I could not help but smile back.
“I wish you’d smile to me more like that, husband,” she said.
She seemed so content that I did not do anything to oppose her. I was aware that people were watching us, probably wondering if the arranged marriage was becoming real. They would have my wife to thank for the peaceful walk in the courtyard.
The rest of the day passed uneventfully. I advised my wife to stay inside the castle grounds because I needed to visit several properties within the afternoon. She narrowed her eyes at me. She knew something was up, but there was little time for refinement. I had to touch as much of the soil as I could. I had to take and take, let the heat creep up to me. It was dangerous, not in the way some would think it was. It was dangerous because I knew what it did to my emotions. I needed to shed the heat somehow, where it was safe. Perhaps there was a cold body of water somewhere. Where no creatures would die if I pass them with my heat. Phillip, the squire, said that there was a pond in the middle of the forest, near an ancient oak tree.
The forest seemed largely untouched by the drought, but regular folks were too afraid to live there. So, after burning myself up with my soil healing, I went to look for the pond.
“Are you alright, Your Highness?” Razuku asked.
I did not ask anyone else to accompany me. I did not want the rest to know what was going on. Cora had wanted to come, possibly hearing the word pond, but Razuku had told her to stay away.
“Your prince is going for a swim. I do not think his wife will appreciate you being there with him as he strips his clothes off,” he reproached her.
She was disappointed, but she remained with the rest. After a day in the fields, they would undoubtedly return to the servants’ quarters. They seemed happy enough there, chanting songs and drinking mead at night.
“Here it is,” I triumphantly declared.
“So, what happens? You just dive in?” asked Razuku.
I nodded, and he said he would stay along the path and stand guard. I was ready for this swim, having brought some clean clothes with me. I stripped off my soiled clothes and went to the pond.
The water was cold but not freezing. However, as soon as I sunk into it, the water felt warmer. Two crows flew by the branch of a tree near me. I had the odd feeling that they watched me but admonished myself for being ridiculous.
The swim had made me feel better.
When we finally reached home, my wife seemed pleased that I had gone for a swim. She probably thought I did it for her, which was better than her guessing what I had just done. I knew she was trying to seduce me when she took off her dress, leaving her chemise on, while I was already in bed. However, I was back to being cold. Whatever emotions she stirred in me the other night were gone.
Luella seemed to have felt the change. She quietly laid down next to me, her silence telling. I felt a little guilty for the secret that I still kept. So, I reached out for her and let her embrace me the way she had the other night. I had enough of a void to fill. She could lend me her heat, and I would not be in any danger. Not of any kind.
