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We walk back into the living room and I make introductions. Sarah and Edie chat with their arms around each other as if they’re family. It gives my heart a little flutter that turns cold too quickly.
The house smells amazing, and Zach is mixing drinks that have Dar and Aly asking all the questions. Zach laughs, and it sounds so much like Zeke that my heart flutters in my chest for a moment. As if she can sense it, Sarah squeezes my elbow. Just then, Rachel comes running in with a red, pink, and gold beaded necklace for me. I lift it over my head and let it sit on my clavicle.
“This is not a necklace. It is a headpiece.”
“Like a headband?” I ask, pulling it back up off my neck.
“No, a headpiece. So that you can be like the queen you are.” Then she strikes a pose that I think is supposed to make her look like Beyoncé, and she’s off, tugging Edie by the hand to her beading station in the family room. Something tells me she’ll be just fine when I’m in Corvallis.
The front door opens and Freddy walks in with Pasha and Lule on his heels. Lule shows me her engagement ring. It’s a large round opal set in gold and is so quintessentially her. Then Rachel and Edie emerge from her makeshift studio at the coffee table, Edie’s blonde French twist dripping in pink and purple sparkly beads. Lule greets Edie with two cheek kisses and she and Rachel size each other up. It’s intense. Then, wordlessly, Lule follows her.
“I think she’s finally met her match,” Zach says as everyone laughs.
“Who, Lule?” I ask, nodding in agreement.
“No, Rachel,” Sarah says with a look of awe.
Zach motions for us to get drinks but I hang back and so does Freddy.
“How’s school?” I ask, clearing my throat and shifting toward the kitchen.
He doesn’t move. “It’s good,” he says. “I’ve been working with the hockey team and the guys are great. So is the coaching staff. Actually, my buddy Dirk is coaching for Seattle and we’re in the same conference Zeke and I played with him in college—he’s actually getting married this February—” he cuts himself off and lets out a sheepish laugh. “School’s good, good. It’s different, but good.” He smiles, stopping short, but he looks like he wants to say something else.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yeah,” I say, forcing the same tight grin I’ve become so used to lately.
“Are you happy?” he asks, his voice soft and his eyes a little sad.
But I don’t think it’s about him. I also don’t think I can deflect in this moment. He’s so open, there’s no pretense to his question.
So I shrug and plan to sayI don’t know, but what comes out is, “No.” I laugh awkwardly but his expression doesn’t shift.
He just stands there, listening.
“There’s no point in avoiding the elephant in the room. I don’t know what’s going on with Zeke, and I hate it. I hate not knowing what he’s doing, or how he’s doing. I hate being so out of sync with him. And it’s not just all the new stuff. I just miss his friendship.”
“Friendships aren’t all that hard to fix.”
“Yeah, maybe. . . but I am excited,” I say, homing in on what I do know, on what is true. “I’m excited for this program. I’m excited to get back into a lab and a research library. I’m excited for what I could do in this field. And more than anything…” My voice catches in my throat and I swallow down hard. “I’m so grateful. Grateful for the friends I’ve made here that feel more like family.”
“Then I’m excited for you,” he finally says. And motions to the dining room.
The dining table is covered in snacks, Caro’s Bluetooth speaker is playing one of Lizzo’s upbeat anthems. Everyone eats and drinks and chats as if there isn’t a massive hole where Zeke should be. Nobody says anything, and it almost makes it worse. If not for him, most of these people wouldn’t be here, making me feel loved.
Rachel tucks her little hand into mine, pulling me toward the living room with a sly grin.
“What’s going on, Queen Bee?”
Rachel is about to answer when Lule shushes her. They take turns winking at each other from across the room as everyone else seems to find themselves in the living room as well. Edie and Darwin end up on opposite sides of the room from one another, and she and I exchange looks over the budding bromance between Dar and Pasha. She snorts when we hear the name ‘Pashwin’ before they do a weird handshake thing.
Aly stands in front of the fireplace, holding her glass of the cranberry rosemary cocktail everyone’s been guzzling down.
“So, this is bittersweet, but we’re so grateful everyone could be here to toast our Faye before she leaves us to fly on her own into a new world.”
My eyes are already misty and Rachel squeezes my hand as Caro joins Aly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
“For a girl who didn’t think she had a lot of people in her world, this is a pretty full room,” Caro says.
