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He drew a deep breath. Looked at his hands for a long moment, then looked back at her. “I went to Silver Strand State Beach. When I was a SEAL, we trained there.” He swallowed. Looked away from her and focused on the choppy water of Puget Sound out her window. “It’s also the beach where Marissa died.”
She recoiled. “After leaving me, you went to where your old girlfriend died? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I needed to process how I felt. I’ve always blamed myself for Marissa’s death. Felt as if I failed her. I didn’t want to fail another woman, so I kept my distance from you. Or tried to, anyway.”
He took a step closer to Zoe. “It was impossible to keep my distance from you, Zoe. And what I realized, sitting on that beach? I liked Marissa. We had fun together. She was a good person, and I felt responsible for her death. But I realized it wasn’t my fault. She knew about the rip currents. Knew how dangerous they were, because I’d explained them to her. I warned her to stay near the shore, but she didn’t.
“I wasn’t in love with Marissa and I never would have been. We’d have dated for another month or two, but it wouldn’t have lasted. Once I left on a mission, we would have been over. Because we didn’t have that deep connection a relationship needs to survive.
“What I feel for you is so much deeper. So much more alive. I realized that no matter how long I’m gone on a job, I’ll always want to come home to you. And we’ll always pick up right where we left off. I feel as if there’s an invisible cord connecting me to you. And nothing or no one will ever be able to sever that connection.”
Zoe swallowed, and he watched the ripple of muscle in her neck. She put her hands behind her back and took a deep, shuddering breath. “What do you want with me, Spence?”
“I want everything with you,” he said immediately. “I want always with you. You’re a part of me, and I hope I’m a part of you. I don’t ever want to be separated from you again.”
“That’s going to be kind of tough, with the job you have,” she said, her voice cool.
“Not anymore. Mel assigned me permanently to Seattle. I’ll be living here and working here. Working with Nico, mostly. But even if I was still working out of Montana, I’d have come back here for you. Even if all we had was my week of leave after a job, I would have wanted to spend it with you.”
He watched her carefully and couldn’t read a thing in her expression. He’d been able to read Zoe from the moment he met her, all those months ago when he’d been sent to help Nico with Julia’s case.
Had she broken their connection? Tossed it away and closed herself off from him?
If she had, he wasn’t sure he could bear it.
