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‘Oh you know, feet up on some poor pleb’s desk, in charge of the masses.’
‘You’re in! And get your feet off my desk this instant, you monster!’
‘Why, you want it back?’
I smile. ‘Never! So fill me in, what’s going on there. Are they OK with you taking my spot?’
‘Worked like a charm. I fronted up and by the looks of it, just in the nick of time. I haven’t quite seen Mother look soharriedbefore. She’s been attending all your events, and methinks she’s starting to realise just how tiresome they can be when you’ve also got to front up for work the next day.’
I run a hand through my hair, dragging the silvery filament of more cobwebs. ‘Teddy, I’m so thrilled for you but a bit sad for Mum. Although, it’s good she can finally see that I’m not complaining for the sake of hearing my own voice. She might finally understand what I’ve been up against. Not that I didn’t mention it to her four thousand times or anything.’
‘Right? It’s slowly dawning on her, not that she’ll admit to it. She’s popping vitamins like they’re lollies. I’ve put my hand up to take your place as the face of Astor, but got a stern no. Poor Mother will eventually wear herself out and will give in. I’m biding my time and trying hard to win her over. Everyone is still asking how you’re doing, so they’ve said you’re investigating the wellness industry and rumour has it Astor is about to branch into that too. It’s quite amusing really. Part of me thinks we reallyaregoing to launch some health and wellbeing centre.’
‘Does everyonereallybelieve that?’
He chortles, big and loud. ‘Of course! Mum is talking up ashrams and how we should all focus on living a more enlightened existence. Can you imagine? Everyone just nods and agrees, because she is theleastZen person we all know but no one is brave enough to mention that. She has taken up yoga, says she needs it for the stress relief, so who knows what might happen. Maybe we bloody will get into that industry – stranger things have happened.’
‘So Mum hasn’t mentioned me coming back?’ The guilt creeps back in at the thought of my mother being run ragged. Why can’t she just let Teddy take my role and be done with it?
‘Only every three minutes or so. That’s why I’m calling.’
My heart sinks. ‘What is it?’
‘Mum has been here from sunrise to sunset. Her eyes are popping out of her head most days,it’s a bit of a shock seeing her look less than poised so I wanted your take on it. Reckon there’s a real chance she’ll trust me, or do you think she’ll run herself into the ground because “surrender” isn’t in her vocabulary?’
I sigh. She’s sixty-something and follows a punishing schedule, made worse if she’s also doing the events that I usually do. But Teddy is right: she won’t surrender, not without a fight. ‘Surely, you’re proving to her you’ve got the nous. What else does she want?’
He expels a heavy breath. ‘Well, that’s just the thing. I’m sorry to tell you this over the phone, Elodie, but Dad isn’t well. He’s been in and out of hospital with his heart again. They’ve managed to keep it out of the press so far. They’ve accepted that you’re probably not coming back for a bit, but personally, part of me wishes you would. It’s not that the wheels are falling off, but it feels like they’re a little loose. All of a sudden things have changed here and I’ve tried everything in my toolbox to make it work. To make Mother see. If she doesn’t hand me some of the load, I can’t do much without you.’
‘I’m proud of you for reaching out to me. Together we can formulate a plan, surely?’
‘You’re the one who stays the course, and it all feels a little up in the air. Mother really needs to administer to Dad but she won’t take her eye off things at Astor, and it’s to their detriment. We forget that they’re not spring chickens anymore. I don’t think she can keep this pace up for long, and Dad really needs to recuperate without all the worry. I guess I just want you to tell me to keep pushing, it’ll all be OK. I really wanted to do this on my own merits, without having to beg for your help, but without her trusting me, there’s little Icando.’
‘Whoa, this is a lot to process.’ I knew I’d never be able to stay long term at Willow Grove. That same old guilt returns – that and not being able to say no to my family, especially when Dad is unwell. I can’t leave them in the lurch. ‘I need more time, Teddy. I can’t leave this position after I’ve given my word. Icantry and get the funding in ahead of the October deadline but that will mean I need the membership numbers ahead of time, and so far, that’s proving difficult. Do you think they can wait until October at least and I can help you out by phone as much as I can?’ The last thing I want to do is have taken this job and then leave them floundering with no librarian and no hope of meeting the deadline. Regret claws at me. I should have made boundaries when I first started at Astor;hell, I should never have started there. And with my dad growing frailer I know I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t go home and help. I feel a sense of suffocation just thinking of it all.
‘Just do your best, sis.’ He tries to make his voice sound upbeat but it’s not convincing. ‘If things get worse, I’ll let you know. Any pointers on how to handle Mother? How to convince her that she’s making life more difficult than it needs to be?’
I consider it. Mother is not your average woman and you can’t make demands and expect her to take you seriously. You have to approach things in a certain way. ‘You have to appeal to her in a business sense. Talk about KPIs, profit margins, and how you feel you can boost them but you need to take on certain aspects to make that happen. TheEyriedocumentary was a hit in the box office. Start small, mention that you’d like to be involved in the film side. Mother prefers print, so this could be your way in. Mention your affiliation with Louise.As a narrator she hit the mark in a big way. Show Mother that you know the ins and outs of that project and that you want to tackle the next one. It’s slated to be about a group of ice climbers. Research the hell out of the project and go wow her with what you know and how you plan to take it to dizzying heights. If you can convince her you can handle that, then it won’t be long before she trusts you can handle it all.’ I send a prayer up to the universe to make it so.
‘OK, wow that’s great advice, Elodie. I’ll do that. And to be honest, the film side is where I want to be, and not just because of Louise – before you come to that incorrect conclusion. Maybe I should reach out to Lou and mention that I’m keen to work with her?’
‘Yes! Do that. Get her onside professionally, and then she’ll see that you’re taking life a lot more seriously these days too.’
‘She sent me some pics of Spain …’
I laugh, the tension clearing. ‘Things are getting serious!’
‘Slowly but surely. Louise is special and is going to be the mother of my children one day, so I’m happy to take things slow. By this time next year, I’m hopeful we might have progressed to talking on the phone.’
‘You can’t rush these things.’
‘What about you? How’s it going with that guy you went out with?’
How will Finn fit into my life if I have to leave? If I have to tell him I’m really Ellie Astor and not some bumbling librarian who wants to change the world by helping everyone access books. ‘It’s going well. Slowly too. It’s sort of hard to open up to him because of who I am, and is there any point if I have to leave?’ The thought is a depressing one. I try to hold on to hope that Teddy will pull a rabbit out of the hat and manage to turn things around but I’m not convinced he even believes he can do it anymore – and that’s saying a lot.My brother is usually supremely confident, so to hear that worry in his voice, well, it doesn’t bode well for my future at Willow Grove.
Teddy lets out a sigh. ‘Yeah, right, that is tough. I mean, maybe we can swing it so youcanstay in Willow Grove, but it’s going to be difficult unless Mother stops trying to be everything here.’ He lets out a frustrated sigh, which is so unlike Teddy who is usually upbeat even in the bad times.
‘Look, I’ll give them a call at some point. I need to speak to Dad. I can’t bear to think of him so ill.’
