AllFreeNovel
Share Us
They seemed to have the ability, this fine art of being able to look into your eyes and instinctivelyknowwhich book you needed before you even did.That’s why I first believed working at Astor would be magical. Wearepublishers, producers of literature, but it was soon evident my mother only had one goal for me, and it didn’t include any of the things I’m passionate about. I thought I’d have more leeway, be able to make changes so we highlighted the love of reading, helped those in need by offering literature programs and funding university scholarships, but none of my ideas have been taken seriously. My mother is an astute businesswoman – there’s no question – but we are so very different. She could be in any industry and she’d make money, but surely life is about more than that?
Teddy closes the article and hands my phone back and stares at his reflection in the gilt mirror, fixing his already immaculate hair. ‘Saving Willow Grove library would be quite the philanthropic spectacle and good for the Astor name, but the gatekeepers would never agree.’
Frustration pulses. ‘I don’t want it to be a philanthropic spectacle and I definitely wouldn’t want the Astor name tied to it.’ The funny thing is, we aren’t even technically Astors. Teddy and I are Halifaxes. In the early days, the press incorrectly assumed that our family name was Astor because my parents were married, not knowing that my mother kept her maiden name and used it for her publishing empire. My mother never corrected the media and now it’s stuck.
‘Anyway,’ I continue. ‘This would be me stepping from the shadow of the Astor name. Going out alone and doing what I’ve always wanted to do.’ Sure, my name opens a lot of doors, but that in turn really bugs me. I always wonder what it’d be like to be unknown – those doors would soon bang shut in my face,and I’d revel in that. Whatever I wanted, I’d have to earn.
Pity dashes across Teddy’s face. ‘They’ll never let their golden child go. You’re stuck in this gilded cage forever.’ Stuck at Astor News and Media. The thought is enough to steal my smile. His voice turns wistful as he says, ‘Unlike me, the great disappointment who could disappear off the face of this earth before anyone would be any the wiser.’
Our parents have washed their hands of Teddy in the business sense and probably wouldn’t notice if he up and left. They’d put it down to him going on one of his drunken jaunts with his merry band of friends, other trust fund babes from billionaire families who don’t have the drive or ambition to work, and certainly no need for financial reward.
‘I’dnotice if you disappeared,’ I say gently. ‘I’d scour the earth until I found you again.’ We’re as close as siblings can be, and I love my little brother even though he’s a handful at the best of times. He’s got a big heart when it matters.
‘Shucks.’ Teddy pretends to wipe a faux tear. He acts as though our parents ostracising him from the biz doesn’t bother him, but I know it does. In return he plays the cliché party boy they think he is. If only they looked closer, they’d see that inside he’s still got a touch of that lost little boy from childhood who so desperately wanted love and attention from parents who lived by the adage: children should be seen and not heard.
They underestimate what hecouldbe if given a second chance. Unlike me, Teddy yearns to be back working for the great Astor News and Media Corporation, which handles news, media, film, print and publishing and now book bars and restaurants too. My mother has her fingers in so many pies, she’s run out of hands.That’s where I come in. I’m all for women in business, but I’m only a ribbon cutter. A commodity. She says I’m the face of Astor and that’s what sells. When my mother sees people, she sees dollar signs. My father is her faithful sidekick and much the same, but it’s the formidable Dorothea Astor who calls the shots. Don’t get me wrong, they’re great people, visionaries in a way, but I always wished they were a little more loving. A little more switched on to the nuances of our livesoutsideof Astor. Mother always says I’m too whimsical, with my head in the clouds, and maybe that’s the case. It’s ironic really – she blames my love of reading for that whimsy. Says if I keep getting lost in books one day I won’t find my way back. It’s true I don’t have her eye for the next big money-making thing. My passions lie elsewhere.
Lately my desire to flee has grown. After watching theEyriedocumentary again, envy washed over me. Their need for escape was so relatable. Those free solo climbers are living life on their terms. At the summit of those mountains it’s only them in nature wearing their big, free smiles.I want that.In my own little corner of the world. Not on a mountain but perhaps in … a library.
I always hoped I’d grow to enjoy my work at Astor, but if anything each day it becomes harder to motivate myself to participate. Donning the fake smile and launching yet another branch with no space to pursue my own passions there. Again, I’m reminded of Teddy who would relish my role, and I wish things were different so he could take my place.
Could I dare up and leave? My parents would never forgive me. Each day they remind me they’re close to retiring and I’m to take the helm. But it’s an empty threat. My mother will die at her executive chair;there’s no way that woman will hand over control. If I don’t leave now, I never will and I’ll be stuck for good. My own purpose in life evaporated.
Soon, the daydream swirls … me, switching on the lights at Willow Grove library. The books shimmying and shaking in anticipation of being read once again, of their pages being turned, the words soaking into a reader’s heart.
A townwithbooks now and forever.
I lean back into the plushness of the sofa. ‘Libraries are magical places, Teddy. Sacrosanct. They need to be protected. Fought for. What’s more important than literature for young and old? It’s absurd to think of a town with no books. Not everyone can afford to buy the latest novel, or the next edition of a school textbook. Or newspapers, magazines, ebooks. And what about the book clubs they host? They’re crucial for authors as well as readers, are they not? Don’t forget about all those lonely elderly people who go to their local library for company, a chat before they take their book haul home and lose themselves in the pages of a novel. What about them? Mark my words, there’ll be a range of people just like that and many more who use Willow Grove library for more than just borrowing books. The library is the heart of a community.’
Teddy frowns. ‘You speak as if it’ll be an easy fix. It can’t exactly be the heart of the community if memberships are down and no one’s using it. From what I remember it was a ramshackle building that looked as if the wind might blow it over at any moment.’
It did look like that, like something out of a fairy tale, but where I see that as magical Teddy sees it as dilapidated. ‘There could be any number of reasons for memberships dwindling.Maybe they haven’t got enough books. Maybe the place needs some rejuvenation. If one library closes, then how long before it happens in the next town, and the one after that? Suddenly booksaren’taccessible to everyone. And that’s just not fair; in fact it’s downright terrifying.’
My mind’s eye sees lights being switched off, and books plunged into darkness from one town to the next and we quickly becomea world without words.
‘It’s the most boring place on the planet, old Willow Grove, but I can see your point. Would you really give all of this up on a whim?’
All of what exactly? I’d leave in a heartbeat to follow my dream, if only I knew my parents would be OK with it. ‘I would.’ I shake my head, considering what closure would mean for Willow Grove and how quickly it could domino if funding dried up and libraries began to shut across the country. ‘Ineedto save this place. I can feel it in my bones but there’s one major problem – despite being the scion of a publishing family, I haven’t really used my degree in that capacity. Will I even remember how to do it?’
There’s a twinkle in Teddy’s eye that I know all too well. It means he’s going to encourage me no matter what the risks are. ‘How hard can it be? It’s not like you’re taking over a place the size of the British Library. You’ll dig out your course notes and have a refresher.’
I consider the pros and cons. ‘No one would take me seriously if they knew who I was. Expert ribbon cutter and speech maker, that’s me. If the press got wind of it, they’d presume Astor was moving in and expanding.’
The rain against the window softens to a pitter-patter. ‘Why would they have to know who you are?’
‘Well wouldn’t they recognise me from all the tedious red-carpet events. My gigantic head on all those Astor billboards?’ When Mother said I’d be the face of Astor, she wasn’t lying. I cringe every time I see myself blown up on a poster plastered somewhere. ‘The Ellie Astor presents column.’ Which I don’t even get to write myself.
‘But you’renotEllie Astor, not really. You’re Elodie Halifax. You go undercover. Your degree is in your real name; you have the credentials. Cassie in HR can be a reference for you. You have experience from when you took on that role sorting the archives for the historian Henry Ackley ahead of the publication of his memoir,’ he says.
‘Cassie would definitely keep it secret too. I’m the one who hired her and then approved her raise a few months after Mum denied it.’
‘Great! And Elodie Halifax is a good solid librarian name. All you’ll need to do is commit to a mousy make-over, dye your blonde locks a few shades darker, don some specs, lose the executive uniform and develop a whole new persona. I’m thinking “single woman who rescues cats and doesn’t talk much because she believes books are better than people”.’
I laugh. ‘Not that you’re into clichés or anything.’ Idoprefer books to people, but that’s a bookworm prerogative, right? I dart a glance out the window. The rain is clearing and filmy sunlight streaks through the sheer white curtains, brightening the room and my mood.
Finally, Icouldbe my own person. And at thirty-something I’ve given corporate life enough of my time. I’ve tried to leave so many times, my protests falling on deaf ears – what if this time I don’t take no for an answer?
‘You should do it, Elodie. Why not follow your heart? What were the chances of you stumbling onto an article shared on Facebook about Willow Grove library? A place you used to sneak into, while the rest of us tried to get into the off-licence. It’s a sign from the universe to get the hell out of here before you lose the will to ever make a change.’ Teddy’s thoughts mirror my own.
