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‘I’m trying, I really am. Last week I felt completely hopeless, but things are looking up. My confidence is back and I need to keep showing them I’m committed.’
‘I know you are, Teddy. That’s all we can do. But do let me know about Dad. I’m not convinced he’s as well as he says he is.’
‘Will do. How’s it going with that man of yours? Did you tell him yet that you’re the princess on TV?’
‘No. I’m worried. Things have cooled off with Finn. He’s been acting strangely since that day we saw Mum on the news. He was supposed to come over for a chat but cancelled last minute. Said something about being swamped at work. He has been busy doing all the People Library articles, but surely he can still snatch an hour to see me? It feels … like it’s over before it really began.’ The idea casts a pall of sadness over me.
‘I’m sure you’re reading too much into it. Wouldn’t he say so if he knew who you were?’
Would he? Finn is polite to the extreme. I think he’d just quietly back away. ‘I don’t know. It reminded me of that French girl you were with, the one who dumped you as soon as she found out you were an Astor. Remember her? I get the same cooler vibe from Finn – I mean it’s subtle but it’s there.’
‘Oh, Giselle in Paris? Only liked the idea of me playing the part of a penniless poet while I was on a gap year. Little did she know that was just me trying to fit in. Thatreallyblew up in my face. Who’d choose a pauper over me? It beggars belief!’
‘Teddy, you’re missing the point. Finn is of the same ilk. He’s come from a humble background and I sense he’s got some hang-ups about the haves and the have-nots. I get the feeling he knows I’m Ellie Astor, or something. And he’s like Giselle in that he doesn’t respect the idea that I’ve been handed everything on a platter,even when that’s really not the case.’
‘So have a talk to him. Be upfront.’
‘How though? I can’t exactly ask him.’
‘Yeah you can. Just ask why he’s been acting differently lately. Say you noticed things have changed and is there any reason why – make it light-hearted if you need to. Say you’re probably not thinking straight because of all the excitement with the People Library lately but have his feelings changed? Beyou, Elodie. You don’t step around confrontation; you tackle it head on.’
He’s right. I usually do but here I’ve had to tread carefully. Like with Maisie and look how that’s turned out. She’s waging a war about me behind my back. ‘Yeah,’ I say still not convinced.
A dark-haired boy comes to the desk holding an envelope.
‘I have to go, Teddy, but let’s talk soon yeah?’
‘Sure, talk soon.’
‘Can I help you?’ I say to the boy.
‘This is for you and I’m not to say who it’s from, Finn said.’ He puts a hand to his mouth and muffles a ‘Whoops.’
I grin and take the envelope. ‘What a mystery. Who’d send such a thing?’
‘No idea, lady.’ He grins, spins on his heel and leaves.
Inside the envelope is a card that reads:
Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.
I’d know that line anywhere. It’s Emily Brontë’sWuthering Heights. But what does it mean? I glance to the front door,hoping to see Finn. Perhaps, I need to find the book itself? I take the card and head towards the shelves to search forWuthering Heights. Then I remember I put it on the display table with a range of other classics. When I find it I prise the book open and another cards reveals itself. Is this a scavenger hunt? The next card reads:
Not all those who wander are lost.
If he’s testing my knowledge as a librarian then he’s going to come up short because I know my classics inside out! I find JRR Tolkien’sThe Fellowship of the Ringand the next clue pops out.
It’s no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
My stomach sinks. Is this his way of telling me he’s figured out who I am? It would be just Finn’s way, showering me in clues to let me down gently. I hurry to find Lewis Carroll’sAlice’s Adventures in Wonderlandto see if the next has any hidden meaning.
And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.
Is that a reference to my old life, the woman with the silver spoon who has had every advantage and still wasn’t happy? Or is he just being an old-school romantic? I wish I knew for sure – so many things feel up in the air lately.
I know it’s a John Steinbeck quote but I can’t remember which book.I find the section and flick throughOf Mice and Menand find nothing. I tryEast of Edenand another card falls out. My heart is pounding, not knowing what exactly this all means.
We are asleep until we fall in love.
