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At the same time, she’s made another thing clear. I’ve been a fool. Ann is a liar. She wasn’t avoiding me because she was busy. Or preoccupied with her book. Or because of Paul. She was avoiding me to prevent the inevitable letdown on my part. She was avoiding me because she only finds certain aspects of me attractive. The parts that benefit her.
“What’s this?” she asks. There’s an edge in her voice that gets my attention. In her hand she’s holding the paperwork I’m supposed to get signed at DUI education class. Before I can stop her, she’s reading it aloud. “I asked you a question,” she says when she’s finished reading. “What is this?”
“A mistake.”
“Driving under the influence?” She shakes her head slowly. Then she closes her eyes for what feels like a very long time. “Really, Sadie? Please tell me I’m imagining this. Tell me this is not happening.”
“It’s—”
She paces the length of my not-good-enough kitchen with my not-good-enough food while analyzing my not-good-enough life. “I thought more of you than that…”
“I know—”
“And worse—you kept it from me. I’ve been a complete fool.
That makes two of us.
“I thought we were friends—I got you a job at my children’s school, for God’s sake. I hired you to help people in my business! I fell for you, Sadie.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry.” Her eyeballs nearly pop out of her very pretty head. And I realize this was the wrong thing to say. “Sorry? Really. That’s all you’ve got?”
I shrug and try again. I realize how inexperienced I am. If only someone had warned me. Fighting with a woman is so much more treacherous than fighting with a man. One has to employ every weapon in their arsenal. You can’t just skate by on sex appeal alone. “I should have told you.”
“Damn right you should have. Here I am trying to help you, and you haven’t even been honest with me. What do you think people are going to say when they find out?”
What I’m about to tell her is going to make everything so much worse, and still, I can’t stop myself. “I’m pretty sure they know.”
This does it. Red flushes her cheeks. Ann waves the form violently. “How could you? You let me believe you were something—something that clearly you are not.”
“It’s really not what you think.”
She braces herself against my kitchen counter and hangs her head, and maybe this is what winning looks like. “I let myself care about you…I vouched for you!”
“It was just a misunderstanding,” I promise. “I’m not an addict.”
She motions toward the trashcan, which has been filled to the brim with the things I’m not supposed to want to eat. She draws her claws and bares her teeth. “Could have fooled me.”
I watch her carefully as she takes a deep breath in and holds it. It’s amazing how one breath can last an eon. Finally, she says, “And I’m disappointed to say you did.”
The realization only skims the surface. The rest will come later. I’ve ruined things with her. Same as I did with Ethan. Which is a real problem, because it takes two players to finish a game. Solitaire this is not.
Before I can come up with a proper response, she storms out. When she leaves, she takes the last of my dignity with her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
SADIE
The fight with Ann helps me lose five pounds in three days. The fact that she threw out all of the food in my house didn’t hurt.
Nevertheless, time has a way of making you see things clearly. Should I have told her about my past, about the DUI charge, about…other things? Maybe. Do I regret my decisions? Not in the least. We are more alike than we are different, the two of us.
What has transpired would not have happened if she knew the real me. Now, she thinks she does. How can a person regret a thing like that? Clarity is a fine gift.
Maybe it was inevitable, maybe it would have happened anyway. But the day I finally decide I’ve had enough—enough moping around—the day I decide to get up off of the couch and take the steps that Ann says in her book will change my life— is the day Ethan calls.
He wants to know if he can drop by later in the week to grab a few more of his things. He doesn’t mention the renovations or bring up putting the house on the market or say which things it is he wants. I know his short-term rental is fairly compact, but it doesn’t matter. I’m already convinced his visit is contrived. My suspicion is further confirmed when he tells me how good it is to hear my voice.
