Page 87 of Sexual Healing


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Early in his relationship with Rene, Pam had run into him at the gym. They were alone in the weight room, and she was preparing to turn around to leave when he called after her.

“Don’t go.”

“I can’t believe it,” she said. “You usually run like you’ve seen a ghost when I walk in.”

“It’s not that at all,” he said, urgency in his voice. “I miss you, Pam. I can’t stand it. I’m trying and failing at this relationship bullshit.”

“You’re not trying hard enough, then,” she said, and the words were out of her mouth when he grabbed her to kiss. Succumbing for just a moment, everything about him so familiar, his smell, his touch as his hands wondered over her backside, his tongue separating her lips, and then his voice. She reciprocated, wanting him so badly she felt an errant tear rolling down her cheek.

“God, I miss you so much. I love you, Pam.”

The words brought her back down to earth, and she pulled away from him, biting her lip, but it wasn’t enough to keep the tears from coming. She ran out of the gym, and he tried to go after her until common sense caught up with him. After that, when they saw each other at the gym, they nodded to acknowledge each other, but that was all. She didn’t miss the look of despair on his face, however.

Part of healing was letting go, and that summer, she’d finally let go of the last torch she carried for Jack. She rarely thought of him, and when she did, it was always with disdain. Somehow, she’d been able to separate Jack’s children from Jack. They wereherchildren, even Ryan and Alison. When she was with them, she no longer thought of Jack.

Randy was still a force to grieve, but it was a healthy grief. So that Pam could share her memories with Laura face-to-face, they’d started having coffee at least once a week. Being with her was so nice; she really was Randy’s daughter.

She’d heard from Laura that Jake was doing great. He was in remission for the time being, the tumor had shrunk, and there was no evidence of disease in his lymph nodes. He and Dawn were still living together, and there was the possibility that they would get married before the end of the year. No ill will to Jake, she didn’t feel anything. It was a relief.

As she sat on the veranda that evening, the cool breeze coming through the screen announcing the end of summer propelled Pam to flick on the firepit for the first time in weeks. The warmth felt so nice. She sat watching the night sky over the ocean. The lights of a trawler returning to port with a hold full of fish chugged across the horizon, followed by its lighted dinghy.

The sight brought back wonderful memories, no sadness this time. Of nights on the terrace, pre-veranda days, with Jack and Lisa and Brent when they were young, even times with her sister Marie, observing the boats as they returned from open water, and she smiled. Watching the boats come in was one of her most favorite things to do in the whole world, and living on Sea View afforded the opportunity to do so year-round.

A buzz got her attention, and she realized she’d forgotten to take her phone off vibrate. She looked at it, and a strange local number stared back at her. What did she have to lose by answering?

“Hello?”

“Hi, Pam, this is Blake Gage.”

“Blake!”

“I know, I feel like a jerk calling out of nowhere. The truth is, I saw Jake Stevens today, and when I asked how you were doing, he said you’d broken up in June.”

“Yep, that’s true,” she said, sneering at the phone. Good old Jake, spreading cheer wherever he went.

“Well, I was pissed, to tell you the truth, because if I had known, I would have called you right away.”

“Is that right?” she asked, her interest growing.

“But in a way, it’s good, because after all this time, you’d know if you were going to get back together with him.”

“There’s no chance of that happening, Blake. Zero chance of that. I just heard he might get married to the young woman he’s seeing.”

He giggled then, like a girl, amusing Pam. “If that’s the case, can I see you? I’m interested. I was interested after Jack died, but it seemed like you were always dating someone.”

“Yes, I didn’t have the luxury of being alone for a minute until this summer.”

“Oh well, that doesn’t leave much hope for me.”

“Oh! It’s nothing but hope for you. If you’re interested, do you want to see me?”

“Yes! Are you busy tonight?”

“Tonight? No. I’m completely alone tonight with nothing to do and no place to go. Would you like to come over?”

“I’d love to,” he said. “What’s your address?”

“Give me a break, Blake. You were here every Memorial Day when Jack was alive,” she said, barking out a laugh.

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