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“What problem?”
She didn’t answer right away, and even in the shadowy bedroom, it was clear the color had drained from her face. Dave grabbed her thin arms, pulling her close like he always did, looking into her eyes. “Katrina, you’re scaring me. What is it?”
“There is a high probability, or so the computer says, that he has trisomy 21, or Down syndrome.”
He slowly let go of her, a tic in his jaw making it clear he’d heard, and he was processing it. All the energy she had, all the resolve to be positive for Dave’s sake for the past months flew out of her body at that moment.
“Down syndrome!”
He stood up, and even then, even in the middle of this horrible conversation, Katrina looked at his body; built like a roman god, that body was glorious. She was beyond speech. She wondered if he understood how perfect he was. His child wouldn’t be.
“How are you?” he asked, turning back to her, worried about her.
Naked, regardless of his astonishing physique, there were things about Dave that reminded her he was a fragile human being. This baby meant so much to him. Would that change? He sat down next to her and gathered her in his arms, pulling the blankets up around them.
“Talk to me, baby,” he whispered. “You must be, what? Pissed off? Sad?”
“I’m fine physically, Dave. Emotionally I wish I were dead. I have no idea what to expect. I’ve listened to podcasts about what parents do when they get the diagnosis, and no one jumps for joy.”
She got up from the bed and reached for a t-shirt, suddenly freezing. He wondered if that enormous belly was a strain on her body.
“What does it mean for our baby? I mean, besides the physical appearance difference? That I can cope with.”
“We won’t find that out until he’s born. His heart was fine at ten weeks. We’ll see it again at the next appointment. They’ll do another ultrasound, but I want you to come this time. I just hope he won’t die.”
“Is that even an issue?” he cried, suddenly frightened. He got out of the bed, distraught.
“It could be. I still have twelve weeks to go.” She bowed her head, defeated. “The moment they made the determination he could have Downs, it became a high-risk pregnancy.”
The realization that they could lose their child hit Dave like a medicine ball to the face, and he winced, falling to his knees in front of her. He pulled up her t-shirt to expose her skin, pressing his face against her, his hands on her belly, and sobbed. She kept running her fingers through his hair, listening to him wail, wishing she could join in. It wasn’t to be. Numb beyond belief, there were no words. It was what it was.
“We have to take one day at a time, Dave. I’m not sure I’ll survive this otherwise.”
“Oh God,” he cried. “Oh God!”
It was exactly what she’d felt but couldn’t put into words. Head swirling with the unimportant but, according to the podcast, real issues that had to be dealt with, they had to tell people the diagnosis, friends and family. Unsophisticated men like Annie’s husband, Steve, and even Alphé might be jerks about it.
They couldn’t isolate themselves. That would be the worst thing. She was so pissed off at everyone. It was irrational, but she couldn’t help it. The biggest fear was they’d pity her and Dave. Pity their baby. Pity would be intolerable.
He reached for a tissue and stood up to blow his nose.
“Come here,” he cried, embracing her. His body shook with grief. He exposed her belly again so he could touch her skin, and as if he sensed his father was close, the little baby rolled around.
“I love him so much. I’ll do anything to make sure he’s going to be alright. I’m scared. How will we take care of him?”
“The doctor said it will be exactly like caring for any baby. Down syndrome is a spectrum disorder. We won’t know where his abilities fall right away. We’ll read up on potential problems, and it’s crucial we take it one day at a time, like we’ve been saying.”
“I can’t wait to get the ultrasound now,” he said, calming down. “At least if they can reassure us that he’s healthy, it will make the rest of it easier to cope with.”
“I hope so.”
Waves of despair competed with overwhelming love as he held her. “This is what I’ve always wanted.”
Frowning, she didn’t get it. “What?” With news that their son had Down syndrome, she figured she was missing something.
“You, the cottage, and our baby, it’s been my goal to have a family. It fell into my lap. I didn’t have to do anything to get you; you made it so easy for me.”
“Wow, Dave, what an honor. How do I respond to that?”
